Newbrassky

[Delmonico]

Delmonico goes to the workshop and gets the device and hands it to Trinity, "Here, you got to do it fer the wagon ladies,"   Delmonico hands him a pair of rubber gloves, "use these and put it in just afore the race."

<Author's Note, Due to a slow day a work, I was doin' some reseach and come onto an 1877 Goodyear Rubber Company Catalog.  Yep Rubber Gloves.>

[Trinity]

"Jolly Jumper ain' gonna have nothin' plugged in that hole, safety or speed be durned!  Now, in an effort ta steer clear of the gamer status, Ah done built a new chariot out of wood that the folks at NCCPRH (National Convention of Cherry-ot Pullin' Racin' Hosses) would approve of!"

[Sod Buster]

Sod Buster rides up and sees that Trinity is refusin' to put the plug in.  He grabs it and says "Here, let me do it.....I ain't afraid of no Horse's Ass".

Sod Buster sticks in the plug....without the aid of the rubber gloves. 

"There...that wasn't so hard!  Enjoy you're ride little buddy."

[Advertising]

[Trinity]

Looking at Sodbusters hands: "Uh... next tahm, Ah'll jes give you a glass fer mah squeezin's, ok?  Please don' touch tha jug no more. "

 

[Sod Buster]

Sod Buster chuckles at Trinity's remarks.  He wipes his hands off on his trousers and slaps Trinity on the back, continuing to laugh. 

[Ozark Tracker]

Ozark, sees a little wagon coming down the road, and goes to meet it. a few minutes later he follows it beside the barn.  they push something up to the house to show to the fellars.
This here's ma nephew from Arkansas, he done brought his grandpappys old cannon to start the race tomorrow.
 his  names J.D.  (Jefferson Davis)  we just call him Jeff,   his granny makes him wear his little blue uniform when he travels North of Arkansas,  she worried about him running into a yankee patrol.

[Delmonico]

Delmonico watches the pro-seed-ure and hopes Sodbuster tightened the set screws to expand the plug to hold it in.  Even with out the extra from the caffiene injection system, on must remember that horses have a tendancy to build up a com-bo-nation of methane and hydrogen sulfide gasses commonly know as "Horse Farts."  Anyone who has ever been around one of these animals knows that the build up can be quite large, the reason Delmonico told Trinity not to insert the plug till just before the race.

Delmonico shruggs his shoulders and starts supper, fryin' pork chops and making more turnip greens out of the garden, he needs to make extra fer the teamsters who brought in his lumber.

Just as he is about to clang the supper bell he hears;



PHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTT
and knows Trinity and Sodbuster fergot to tighten the plug.   Trinity has the horse hitched up to his chair-eye-et practicin' and has most of the hair on his head removed as well as most of his clothes by the blast.

<Authors Note, Lucky Trinity don't smoke, it could have been worse.>

[Ozark Tracker]

With Jolly Jumper a chomping at his bit Trinity in his chariot suit and his lunch bag under his arm we about ready to go to the races.
Ozark grabs his saddlebag with Del's secreet race horse fomular in it and finishs hitching up the wagon. 

[Delmonico]

Since the race is only 2 miles away, Delmonico decides the cellar might be the safest place to be when Trinity kicks in the afterburner on that horse.  Delmonico seen what happened with out the extra.

<Authors Note, He's also seen the Budweiser ad with the 'one horse open sleigh.>

[Ozark Tracker]

arriving at the track, the fellars set up their spot to operate out of,  Trinity pulls in the chariot and Tom and Stoney raise up both wheels so we can grease them with some of Del's cooking grease figuring it would be lighter and let the wheels turn easier.
several wagon loads of folks arrive and start their picnic lunches wainting for the races.  a couple of folks set up outdoor cooking,  so they can sell some of thier food to the other folks..  Trinity goes a wandering off to see what's cooking.
One of the other racers is here already but one isn't here yet so we'll just wait a little while, everybodys having a good time anyway.

[Stoney Pete]

After spending the entire weekend in the pig pen (and not noticing a difference in his surroundings) Stoney comes out to see them installing a plug in the politician...I mean the horses rear end.   At OT's request he help Tom greece the wheels.

Back in the house he washes up, makes coffee and heads out to the porch.

"Hey Del, do you have any extra windows around the shop?  We may want to install one on the front of the charriot.  If'n that thar plug ever come out our friend Trinity would be covered from head to toe with ... .  It won't be bath month for several more weeks and I sure don't wanna smell him after that."

[Lucky Irish Tom]

The chariot is ready and the final contestant arrives.  Trinity adds some of his special brew to Del's concoction an is ready to begin.  Stoney has just finished nailing the winder on the front of Trinity's chariot.  A horn sounds and the contestants line up, Ozark waves a flag and their off.  The contestants are neck and neck for the first lap, then Trinity opens the valve on his special mix, hot coffee and shine flood his horses innards. Jolly Jumper takes of like a rocket, Trinity laps the other contestants and is starting his final lap while the others are starting their third lap.  Unnoticed by all Del's contraption has begun to work loose, nobody checked the set screws.  As Trinity rounds the final turn and passes the assembled gallery of picnickers the plug blows out, to make matters worse one of the spectators is lighting a stogie at this point.  The resulting explosion is catastrophic. Trinity crosses the finish line well ahead of the other contestants ,protected by Stoney's window, while their chariots are afire and are being pulled by bald horses.  As he looks to what he expects will be a cheering gallery all he sees is a horde of angry, smoking, bald-headed women coming toward him.  He turns and snaps the reigns to get Jolly Jumper moving, only to find that he has puked and passed out.  Trinity jumps off the chariot and begins to run.

[Marshal harpoluke]

 


LOL

Marshall N Sheep roll on ground.

 

Ya best get out of town,     
















While Ya can.

LOL

 

[Delmonico]

With the race over and no explosions, Delmonico comes out of the cellar, gets tools out of the shop and heads down by the road to build his store/post office.

[Silver Creek Slim]

Slim nears the ranch. He spies Del up the road from the ranch with a bunch of tools and lumber. "Whatcha doin', Del?"

[Delmonico]

Got a Post Office fer her, no sense in havin' to go clear to Dunning fer the mail, gonna add a general store also, got the goods a comin' in a few days.

[Silver Creek Slim]

"Sounds great. Can I help?"

[Delmonico]

Sure, but I forgot to tie up Trinity first, we don't want it to end up like the bunkhouse.   Go put some leg shackles on him and grab a hammer.

[Silver Creek Slim]

"Will do!" Slim rides to the barn. He spies Trinity sleeping in the hammock. He gets a brace of shackles and hammer. He sneeks on the porch and shackles Trinity's legs. He gets back on his horse with hammer in hand and rides back to Del. 

[Trinity]

 

... Trinity jumps off the chariot and begins to run.

<<Authur's note:  Trinity doesn't run.>>

Trinity wakes up in his hammock with his arms and legs shackled.  "Miss Sherlene, ya done come ta visit me!  How long is ya 'llowed away from Miss Collin'wood's?  Didja hair?  Me an' Jolly Jumper done won tha race!  He ain' feelin' good right now, but he'll be back ta normal ver' soon.  Ah hope he fer-gives tha stranger from tha soddy fer stickin' that thang in his... uh... nevermind, that ain' no po-lite talk.  Miss Sherlene?  Miss Sherlene, where is ya??"