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Ok, I don't want to spell it all out, but it's Flints birthday on Monday!!  Hope you have a great day, Mr. C Man!!!  The B-I-G 40!!!!

I just wanted to wish Devyn a happy 22nd birthday tomorrow!!!  Hope you have a GREAT ONE!!!

Ok, I am not from Longton but would like to put the word out about the new Pizza Place in their town.  It's called the Lion's Den.  It is owned and ran by Belinda and Justin Corle.  I really don't know much about it, but have eaten the pizza that they make.  I also know that they make sandwiches, and different sides.  The pizza is good, too.

Also, the new little 160 Cafe is a nice place to get take out also.  We ate there during the fair.  Don't know anything about the owners on this one, but would like to spread the word to all out there.

I think supporting Elk County is great.  We usually just eat here in Howard, but when we are at my brother in laws we try to eat at these places.  So I just thought that I would let everyone know about these two new businesses in Elk County

I have tried Pickled green tomatos, does anyone have a recipe???  They are wonderful!!!

I found this on Yahoo today and thought I would post it!


When Was the 4th of July First Celebrated? Greg Soltis
LiveScience Staff
LiveScience.com
Tue Jul 1, 5:11 PM ET



John Adams predicted in a letter to his wife Abigail that Americans would celebrate their Independence Day on July 2. Off by two days - not too bad for government work.


On July 2, 1776, Congress adopted the Declaration of Independence, signed only by Charles Thompson (the secretary of Congress) and John Hancock (the presiding officer). Two days later Congress approved the revised version and ordered it to be printed and distributed to the states and military officers. The other signatures would have to wait.


Many actually viewed the Declaration of Independence as a yawner - a rehashing of arguments already made against the British government. John Adams would later describe the Declaration as "dress and ornament rather than Body, Soul, or Substance." The exception was the last paragraph that said the united colonies "are and of Right ought to be Free and Independent states" and were "Absolved of all Allegiance to the British Crown."


For Adams, it was the momentum towards achieving American independence initiated on July 2 that future generations would consider worth celebrating, not the approval of this document on July 4.


Interestingly, the pomp and circumstance that many Americans presume took place on July 4, 1776, actually occurred days to weeks afterwards.


The Philadelphia Evening Post published the Declaration's full text in its July 6 newspaper. And the Declaration of Independence was publicly read from the State House in Philadelphia on July 8. Later that day, it was read in Easton, PA, Trenton, NJ, and to the local embryonic militia to provide much-needed inspiration against the formidable British.


The shouting and firing of muskets that followed these first public readings represent America's first celebrations of independence.


As copies spread, the Declaration of Independence would be read at town meetings and religious services. In response, Americans lit bonfires, fired guns, rang bells, and removed symbols of the British monarchy.


The following year, no member of Congress thought about commemorating the adoption of the Declaration of Independence until July 3 - one day too late. So the first organized elaborate celebration of independence occurred the following day: July 4, 1777, in Philadelphia. Ships in the harbor were decked in the nation's colors. Cannons rained 13-gun salutes in honor of each state. And parades and fireworks spiced up the festivities.


Fireworks did not become staples of July 4 celebrations until after 1816, when Americans began producing their own pyrotechnics and no longer relied on expensive fireworks from across the pond.


Since 1777, the tradition of celebrating America's independence on July 4 has continued.

Quiz: The Strange History of American Independence How Did America Get Its Name? Who Created Uncle Sam? Original Story: When Was the 4th of July First Celebrated?

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Our real roots...A history lesson that needs to be told....

OUR REAL ROOTS:

This is one e-mail that needs to be shared, remembering that our founders also hated intolerance.







Did you know that 52 of the 55 signers of The Declaration of Independence were orthodox, deeply committed Christians? The other three all believed in the Bible as the divine truth, the God of scripture, and His personal intervention.



It is the same congress that formed the American Bible Society. Immediately after creating the Declaration of Independence, the Continental Congress voted to purchase and import 20,000 copies of scripture for the people of this nation.



Patrick Henry, who is called the firebrand of the American Revolution, is still remembered for his words, 'Give me liberty or give me death.' But in current textbooks the context of these words is deleted. Here is what he said: 'An appeal to arms and the God of hosts is all that is left us. But we shall not fight our battle alone. There is a just God that presides over the destinies of nations. The battle sir, is not of the strong alone. Is life so dear or peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it almighty God. I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death.'

These sentences have been erased from our textbooks.



Was Patrick Henry a Christian? The following year, 1776, he wrote this 'It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great nation was founded not by religionists, but by Christians; not on religion, but on the Gospel of Jesus Christ. For that reason alone, people of other faiths have been afforded freedom of worship here.'



Consider these words that Thomas Jefferson wrote on the front of his well- worn Bible: 'I am a Christian, that is to say a disciple of the doctrines of Jesus. I have little doubt that our whole country will soon be rallied to the unity of our Creator and, I hope, to the pure doctrine of Jesus also.'



Consider these words from George Washington, the Father of our Nation, in his farewell speech on September 19, 1796:



'It is impossible to <?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = ST1 />govern the world without God and the Bible. Of all the dispositions and habits that lead to political prosperity, our religion and morality are the indispensable supporters. Let us with caution indulge the supposition that morality can be maintained without religion. Reason and experience both forbid us to expect that our national morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle.'



Was George Washington a Christian? Consider these words from his personal prayer book: 'Oh, eternal and everlasting God, direct my thoughts, words and work. Wash away my sins in the immaculate blood of the lamb and purge my heart by the Holy Spirit. Daily, frame me more and more in the likeness of thy son, Jesus Christ, that living in thy fear, and dying in thy favor, I may in thy appointed time obtain the resurrection of the justified unto eternal life. Bless, O Lord, the whole race of mankind and let the world be filled with the knowledge of thy son, Jesus Christ.'



Consider these words by John Adams, our second president, who also served as chairman of the American Bible Society.



In an address to military leaders he said, 'We have no government armed with the power capable of contending with human passions, unbridled by morality and true religion. Our constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.'

How about our first Court Justice, John Jay?



He stated that when we select our national leaders, if we are to preserve our Nation, we must select Christians. 'Providence has given to our people the choice of their rulers and it is the duty as well as the privilege and interest of our Christian Nation to select and prefer Christians for their rulers.'

John Quincy Adams, son of John Adams, was the sixth U.S. President.



He was also the chairman of the American Bible Society, which he considered his highest and most important role. On July 4, 1821, President Adams said, 'The highest glory of the American Revolution was this: it connected in one indissoluble bond the principles of civil government with the principles of Christianity.'



Calvin Coolidge, our 30th President of the United States reaffirmed this truth when he wrote, 'The foundations of our society and our government rest so much on the teachings of the Bible that it would be difficult to support them if faith in these teachings would cease to be practically universal in our country.'



In 1782, the United States Congress voted this resolution: 'The congress of the United States recommends and approves the Holy Bible for use in all schools.'



William Holmes McGuffey is the author of the McGuffey Reader, which was used for over 100 years in our public schools with over 125 million copies sold until it was stopped in 1963. President Lincoln called him the 'Schoolmaster of the Nation.'



Listen to these words of Mr. McGuffey: 'The Christian religion is the religion of our country. From it are derived our notions on character of God, on the great moral Governor of the universe. On its doctrines are founded the peculiarities of our free institutions. From no source has the author drawn more conspicuously than from the sacred Scriptures. From all these extracts from the Bible I make no apology.'



Of the first 108 universities founded in America, 106 were distinctly Christian, including the first.



Harvard University, chartered in 1636. In the original Harvard Student Handbook rule number 1 was that students seeking entrance must know Latin and Greek so that they could study the scriptures:



'Let every student be plainly instructed and earnestly pressed to consider well, the main end of his life and studies is, to know God and Jesus Christ, which is eternal life, John 17:3; and therefore to lay Jesus Christ as the only foundation of all sound knowledge and learning. And seeing the Lord only giveth wisdom, let everyone seriously set himself by prayer in secret to seek it of him (Proverbs 2:3).'

For over 100 years, more than 50% of all Harvard graduates were pastors!



It is clear from history that the Bible and the Christian faith, were foundational in our educational and judicial system. However in 1947, there was a radical change of direction in the Supreme Court.



Here is the prayer that was banished:

'Almighty God, we acknowledge our dependence on Thee. We beg Thy blessings upon us and our parents and our teachers and our country.  Amen.'

In 1963, the Supreme Court ruled that Bible reading was outlawed as unconstitutional in the public school system. The court offered this justification: 'If portions of the New Testament were read without explanation, they could and have been psychologically harmful to children.'



Bible reading was now unconstitutional , though the Bible was quoted 94 percent of the time by those who wrote our constitution and shaped our Nation and its system of education and justice and government.



In 1965, the Courts denied as unconstitutional the rights of a student in the public school cafeteria to bow his head and pray audibly for his food.

In 1980, Stone vs. Graham outlawed the Ten Commandments in our public schools.



The Supreme Court said this: 'If the posted copies of the Ten Commandments were to have any effect at all, it would be to induce school children to read them And if they read them, meditated upon them, and perhaps venerated and observed them, this is not a permissible objective.'

Is it not a permissible objective to allow our children to follow the moral principles of the Ten Commandments?



James Madison, the primary author of the Constitution of the United States, said this: 'We have staked the whole future of our new nation, not upon the power of government; far from it. We have staked the future of all our political constitutions upon the capacity of each of ourselves to govern ourselves according to the moral principles of the Ten Commandments.'

Today we are asking God to bless America. But how can He bless a Nation that has departed so far from Him?



Most of what you read in this article has been erased from our textbooks. Revisionists have rewritten history to remove the truth about our country's Christian roots. I , Mary Jones, the designer of this web page, encourage all who read and agree with the words herein, to share it with others, so that the truth of our nation's history may be told.

Well, didn't see that anyone welcomed you, so thought that I would!!  Welcome to this wonderful place!!  Grab a chair and have a grand old time!!!

It was brought to my attention today about some changes that are going on in Moline and Severy Grade Schools.  Moline and Severy Grade Schools will both house Preschool and Kindergarten classes in each school, but Moline Grade School will have 1st, 2nd, and 3rd grades at there school and Severy will house the 4th, 5th, and 6th grades.  I just wanted to know what every one thinks about these changes? Come on people just speak up and let me and everyone else know, I really don't care, I was just wondering your opinions!!!  This means that if you have a 1st grader and a 4th grader, the 1st  grader will go to Moline and the 4th grader to Severy, no matter where they live.  So, I know there have got to be some opinions out there!!!!

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day,

drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother.



As

they talked about life, about marriage, about the

responsibilities of life and the obligations of

adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her

glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance

upon her daughter



'Don't forget your Sisters,' she advised, swirling

the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass 'The y'll

be more important as you get older.



No matter how

much you love your husband, no matter how much you

love the children you may have, you are still going

to need Sisters.



Remember to go places with them now

and then; do things with them.


'Remember that 'Sisters' means ALL the women...

your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other

women relatives too. 'You'll need other women.



Women

always do.


What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman

thought.

Haven't I just gotten married?

Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a

married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely

my husband and the family we may start will be all I

need to make my life worthwhile!'


But she listened to her Mother.


She kept contact

with her Sisters and made more women friends each

year.



As the years tumbled by, one after another,

she gradually came to understand that her Mom really

knew what she was talking a bout.


As time and nature

work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman,

Sisters are the mainstays of her life.


After more than 50 years of living in this world,

here is what I've learned:

THIS SAYS IT ALL:

Time passes.

Life happens.

Distance separates.

Children grow up.

Jobs come and go.

Love waxes and wanes.

Men don' t do what they're supposed to do.

Hearts break.

Parents die.

Colleagues forget favors.

Careers end.

BUT.........

Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how

many miles are

between you.



A girl friend is never farther away

than needing her can reach.


When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you

have to walk it by yourself, the w omen in your life

will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on,

praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on

your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the

valley's end.


Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk

beside you...Or come in and carry you out.


Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters,

daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers,

Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended

family, all bless our life!

The world wouldn't be the same without women, and

neither would I.


When we began this adventure called

womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or

sorrows that lay ahead.

Nor did we know how much we

would need each other.

Every day, we need each other still.

Short and very sweet:

There are more than twenty angels in this world.

Ten are peacefu lly sleeping on clouds.

Nine are

playing.

I just thought I would let everyone know that today is Laura Miller's Birthday.  If you don't know her, she is the wonderful Preschool teacher in Severy, the wife of Jason Miller, and the mother of Cody Miller.  She is a wonderful person!!  I want to wish you a  very happy birthday, Laura!!  Your a terrific Friend!!

I have some donations for the Garage Sale that I am having on Friday and Saturday, but have come across somethings that I think might be antique.  I found some older floor puzzles and a Tom and Jerry Game.  If someone could help me to find out if these things are antique I would really appreciate it.  I can take pictures and post them if needed, just let me know!!

Hello out there everyone!!   My name is Angie Town.  I run a licensed daycare in Howard, Kiddie Korner is the name.  I was thinking about doing a fund raiser to get new outside equipment, but haven't gotten any good ideas.  I did a search on the internet and didn't really like the ideas they had.  They were for bigger communities.  I have discussed this with my parents and they feel fine about the idea.  Does anyone have any suggestions?

Latest Drug in Middle School - Dusting

First, I'm going to tell you a little about me and my family. My name
is
Jeff. I am a Police Officer for a city which is known nationwide for
it's
crime rate We have a lot of gangs and drugs. At one point we were # 2
in the
nation in homicides per capita. I also have a police K-9 named Thor. He
was
certified in drugs and general duty. He retired at 3 years old because
he
was shot in the line of duty. He lives with us now and I still train
with
him because he likes it. I always liked the fact that there was no way
to
bring drugs into my house. Thor wouldn't allow it. He would tell on
you. The
reason I say this is so you understand that I know about drugs.


I have taught in schools about drugs. My wife asks all our kids at
least
once a week if they used any drugs.

I like building computers occasionally and started building a new one
in
February 2005. I also was working on some of my older computers. They
were
full of dust so on one of my trips to the computer store I bought a 3
pack
of DUST OFF. Dust Off is a can of compressed air to blow dust off a
computer. A few weeks later when I went to use one of them they were
all
used. I talked to my kids and my two sons both said they had used them
on
their computer and messing around with them. I yelled at them for
wasting
the 10 dollars I paid for them.


On February 28 I went back to the computer store. They didn't have the
3
pack which I had bought on sale so I bought a single jumbo can of Dust
Off.
I went home and set it down beside my computer.

On March 1st, I left for work at 10 PM. Just before midnight my wife
went
down and kissed Kyle goodnight. At 5:30 am the next morning Kathy went
downstairs to wake Kyle up for school, before she left for work. He was
propped up in bed with his legs crossed and his head leaning over. She
called to him a few times to get up. He didn't move. He would sometimes
tease her like this and pretend he fell back asleep. He was never easy
to
get up. She went in and shook his arm. He fell over. He was pale white
and
had the straw from the Dust Off can coming out of his mouth. He had the
new
can of Dust Off in his hands. Kyle was dead.


I am a police officer and I had never heard of this. My wife is a nurse
and
she had never heard of this. We later found out from the coroner, after
the
autopsy, that only the propellant from the can of Dust off was in his
system. No other drugs. Kyle had died between midnight and 1 AM.


I found out that using Dust Off is being done mostly by kids ages 9
through
15. They even have a name for it. It's called dusting. A take off from
the
Dust Off name. It gives them a slight high for about 10 seconds. It
makes
them dizzy. A boy who lives down the street from us showed Kyle how to
do
this ab out a month before. Kyle showed his best friend. Told him it
was
cool and it couldn't hurt you. It's just compressed air. It can't hurt
you.
His best friend said so.


Kyle was wrong. It's not just compressed air It also contains a
propellant
called R2. It's a refrigerant like what is used in your refrigerator.
It is
a heavy gas. Heavier than air. When you inhale it, it fills your lungs
and
keeps the good air, with oxygen, out. That's why you feel dizzy,
buzzed. It
decreases the oxygen to your brain, to your heart. IT KILLS YOU.


The horrible part about this is there is no warning. There is no level
that
kills you. It's not cumulative or an overdose; it can just go randomly,
terribly wrong.  IT'S NOT AN OVERDOSE . You don't die later. Or not
feel
good and say I've had too much. You usually die as you're breathing it
in.
If not you die within 2 seconds of finishing 'the hit.' That 's why the
straw was still in Kyle's mouth when he died. Wh! y his eyes were still
open. The experts want to call this huffing. The kids don't believe its
huffing. And that's why its more accepted. There is no chemical
reaction, no
strong odor. It doesn't follow the huffing signals. Kyle complained a
few
days before he died of his tongue hurting. It probably did... The
propellant
causes frostbite. If I had only known.


It's easy to say hey, it's my life and I'll do what I want . But it
isn't.
Others are always affected. This has forever changed our family's life.
I
have a hole in my heart and soul that can never be fixed. The pain is
so
immense I can't describe it. There's nowhere to run from it. I cry all
the
time and I don't ever cry. I do what I'm supposed to do but I don't
really
care. My kids are messed up. One won't talk about it. The other will
only
sleep in our room at night. And my wife, I can't even describe how bad
she
is taking this. I thought we were sa! fe because of Thor. I thought we
were
safe because we knew about drugs and talked to our kids about them.


After Kyle died another story came out. A probation Officer went to the
school system next to ours to speak with a student. While there he
found a
student using Dust Off in the bathroom This student told him about
another
student who also had some in his locker. This is a rather affluent
school
system. They will tell you they don't have a drug problem there. They
don't
even have a dare or plus program there... So rather than tell everyone
about
this 'new' way of getting high they found, they hid it. The probation
officer told the media after Kyle's death and they, the school, then
admitted to it. I know that if they would have told the media and I had
heard, it wouldn't have been in my house.


We need to get this out of our homes and school computer labs. Using
Dust
Off isn't new and some 'professionals' do know about. It just isn't
talked
about much, except by the kids. They all seem to know about it. April
2nd
was 1 month since Kyle died. April 5th would have been his 15th
birthday.
And every weekday I catch myself sitting on the living room couch at
2:30 in
the afternoon and waiting to see him get off the bus.

This Officer is asking for everyone who receives this email to forward
it to
everyone in their address book, even Law Enforcement Officers!

I have looked this up on Snopes.com.  I wasn't sure if it was a true story or not.  I have gotten this email before, and thought that I would pass this on.  It is TRUE!!  I just looked up dust off and the same story appears.  I wanted to pass along this information for all the parents with young kids or grandparents on this forum. 

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST


 


She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.


 


Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.


 


Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.


 


Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.


 


And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.


 





 


Keep reading-they get better!!!


 




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


 
   WOMEN'S REVENGE
 
'Cash,
check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
 
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
 
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
 
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
 
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
 


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


 


 


UNDERSTANDING WOMEN


 


(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)


 


I know I'm not going to understand women.


 


I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,


 


pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,


 


and still be afraid of a spider.


 




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


 


 


MARRIAGE SEMINAR
 
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with
communication,
 
Joe and his wife Ann listened to the instructor,
 
'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'
 
He addressed the man,
 
'Can you name your wife's favorite
flower?'
 
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
 


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


 


 


CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
 
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
 
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
 
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
 
She directs him down the correct aisle.
 
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
 
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
 
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
 
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
 
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
 
So,
I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
 
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)


 




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


 


 


WIFE VS. HUSBAND


 


A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.


 


An earlier discussion had led to an argument and


 


neither of them wanted to concede their position.


 


As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,


 


the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'


 


'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'


 




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


 


 


WORDS


 


A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...


 


30,000 to a man's 15,000.


 


The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men..


 


The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'


     




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


 
CREATION


 


A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be


 


so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.


 


'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.


 


God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;


 


God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !


 




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


 


 


WHO DOES WHAT
 
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
 
should brew the coffee each morning.
 
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
 
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
 
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
 
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
 
Wife replies, 'No,
you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
 
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
 
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'
 


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


 


 


The Silent Treatment


 


A man and his wife were having some problems at home


 


and were giving each other the silent treatment.


 


Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him


 


at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.


 


Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,


 


'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .' He left it where he knew she would find it.


 


The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,


 


when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.


 


The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.'


 


Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


     




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


 


 





 


God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Can you cry under water?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"?  Where's that extra penny going to?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What disease did cured ham actually have?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?

They're going to see you naked anyway.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Can a hearse carrying  a corpse drive in the  carpool lane?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If the professor on Gilligan's  Island  can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?

They're both dogs!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This could only be true; you simply can't make this stuff up!

Clutching their Dillard's shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully gazed down at a dead cat in the mall parking lot. Obviously a recent hit---no flies, no smell. What business could that poor kitty have had here, murmured Ellen.

'Come on, Ellen, let's just go...'But Ellen had already grabbed her shopping bag and was explaining, 'I'll just put my things in your bag, and then I'll take the tissue.' She dumped her purchases into Kay's bag and then used the tissue paper to cradle and lower the former feline into her own Dillard's bag and cover it.

They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing their goods in the trunk. But it occurred to both of them that if they left Ellen's burial bag in the trunk, warmed by the TEXAS sunshine while they ate, Kay's Lumina would soon lose that new-car smell. They decided to leave the bag on top of the trunk, and they headed over to Luby's Cafeteria. After they cleared the serving line and sat down at a window table, they had a view of Kay's Chevy with the Dilla rd's bag still on the trunk. BUT not for long! As they ate, they noticed a black-haired woman in a red gingham shirt stroll by their car, look quickly this way and that, and then hook the Dillard's bag without breaking stride. She quickly walked out of their line of vision. Kay and Ellen shot each other a wide-eyed look of amazement.

It all happened so fast that neither of them could think how to respond.  'Can you imagine?' finally sputtered Ellen. "The nerve of that woman" Kay sympathized with Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was building as she thought about the grand surprise awaiting the red-gingham thief. Just when she thought she'd have to giggle into her napkin, she noticed Ellen's eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line. Following her gaze, Kay recognized with a shock the black-haired woman with THE Dillard's bag, hanging from her arm, brazenly pushing her tray toward the cashier. Helplessly they watched t he scene unfold: After clearing the register, the woman settled at a table across from theirs, put the bag on an empty chair and began to eat. After a few bites of baked whitefish and green beans, she casually lifted the bag into her lap to survey her treasure. Looking from side to side, but not far enough to notice her rapt audience three tables over, she pulled out the tissue paper and peered into the bag. Her eyes widened, and she began to make a sort of gasping noise. The noise grew. The bag slid from her lap as she sank to the floor, wheezing and clutching her upper chest. The beverage cart attendant quickly recognize d a customer in trouble and sent the busboy to call 911, while she administered the Heimlich maneuver. A crowd quickly gathered that did not include Ellen and Kay, who remained riveted to their chairs for seven whole minutes until the ambulance arrived.

In a matter of minutes the curly-haired woman emerged fr om the crowd, still gasping, strapped securely on a gurney. Two well-trained EMS volunteers steered her to the waiting ambulance, while a third scooped up her belongings. The last they saw of the distressed "cat-burglar", she disappeared behind the ambulance doors, ....................... the Dillard's bag perched on her stomach!!

Sometimes, God does take care of those who do bad things!
        (AND once in awhile..He allows us to witness it!)

CAKE OR BED

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A
FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,

HONEY,
COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.

HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY,
FIX THE LIGHTS NOW?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO.

FINE,

THEN THE WIFE ASKS,
WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT

TO WHICH HE REPLIED,
FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE
WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO

FINE, SHE SAYS
THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS
TO THE FRONT DOOR?
THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK

I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T
WANT TO FIX STEPS
HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.
I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!!

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A
COUPLE OF HOURS...............................

HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW
HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES
TO GO HOME

AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES
THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE , HE SEES THE
HALL LIGHT IS WORKING

AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES
THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?
SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT
OUTSIDE AND CRIED.

JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME
WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.

HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND
ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER
GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.

HE SAID,
SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?

SHE REPLIED,
HELLOOOOO..
DO YOU SEE SARA LEE WRITTEN
ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!

House fires--please read!!!!!
>
>Received from a friend who is in the insurance property business. It
is
well
>worth reading.
>
>This is one of those e-mails that if you don't send it, rest assured
someone
>on your list will suffer for not reading it. The original message was
>written by a lady whose brother and wife learned a hard
>lesson this past week.
>
>Their house burnt down.. nothing left but ashes. They have good
insurance so
>the house will be replaced and most of the contents. That is the good
news.
>
>However, they were sick when they found out the cause of the fire. The
>insurance investigator sifted through the ashes for several hours. He
had
>the cause of the fire traced to the master bathroom. He asked her
>sister-in-law what she had plugged in
>the bathroom. She listed the normal things....curling iron, blow
dryer.
>He kept saying to her, 'No, this would be something that would
disintegrate
>at high temperatures'. Then her sister-in-law remembered she had a
Glade
>Plug-In, in the bathroom.
>
>The investigator had one of those 'Aha' moments. He said that was the
cause
>of the fire. He said he has seen more house fires started with the
plug-in
>type room fresheners than anything else. He said the
>plastic they are made from is THIN. He also said that in every case
there
>was nothing left to prove that it even existed. When the investigator
looked
>in the wall plug, the two prongs left from the plug-in were still in
there.
>
>Her sister-in-law had one of the plug-ins that had a small night light
built
>in it. She said she had noticed that the light would dim and then
finally go
>out. She would walk in to the bathroom a few hours later,
>and the l! ight wo uld be back on again. The nvestigator said that
>the unit was
>getting too hot, and would dim and go out rather than just blow the
light
>bulb. Once it cooled down it would come back on. That is a warning
sign.
>
>The investigator said he personally wouldn't have any type of plug in
>fragrance device anywhere in his house. He has seen too many places
that
>have been burned down due to them.
>
>PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO ALL THE
>
>PEOPLE IN YOUR ADDRESS BOOK.
>
>NOT ONLY COULD IT SAVE SOMEONE'S HOUSE,
>
>BUT IT COULD SAVE SOMEONE'S LIFE

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES
 
Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids
each for six weeks.
 
Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes
 
There is no fast food.
 
Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean,
correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and
pay a list of "pretend" bills with not enough money.
 
In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.
 
Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives,
and send cards out on time.
 
Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist
appointment and a haircut appointment.
 
He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the
Urgent Care.
 
He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.
 
Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house,
planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.
 
The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and
all chores are done.
 
The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with
jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished,
and eyebrows groomed.
 
During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal
cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once
complain or slow down from other duties.
 
They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once
to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.
 
They will need to read a book and then pray with the children each night
and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair
 
by 7:00 am.
 
 
 
 
A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be
required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday,
height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name.
Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length
of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack,
favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they
want to be when they grow up.
 
The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man
wins only if.....he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse
at a moment's notice.
 
If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over
again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right To be
called Mother!
 
After you get done laughing, send this to as many females as you
think will get a kick out of it and as many men as you think can handle it.
 
Just don't send it back to Me. . . I'm going to bed!

I have to say this and I hope all agree with me.  Marcia and Waldo you are two of the most wonderful people that post on this site.  The information that you put on is with out a doubt so interesting.  I love to read the stuff that you post.  I don't me to not include everyone else.  Because everyone else does an outstanding job.  I just love the older stuff that you find and post.  I think that you two should get together and make a book about the history of elk county.  My parents are from around elk county.  My dad is from Fall River area and my mother is from Severy but my grandparents got married in Howard.  I just love to read your stuff, I know I keep saying that, but I just think that you need to hear it!!

THANKS GUYS FOR ALL THE POST!!  KEEP THEM COMING!!!