I'm am up way too early today so I took the time to read all the chuckles! Let me add a couple that I can remember.
A man going through a "midlife crisis" goes out and buys a new sports car. He takes it onto the freeway to see what it can do. He speeds up to eighty miles per hour and then to 100, and then to 120. At that point he thinks to himself how foolish he is to be driving so fast and begins to slow down. In the meantime, a state trooper sees him speeding and pulls him over. The trooper walks up to the car and tells the man, "Sir, it is Friday and I go off duty in fifteen minutes. If you can give me an excuse for speeding that I haven't heard before I won't write you a ticket." The man looks at the trooper for a minute and says, "son, my wife ran off with a state trooper many years ago and I thought you were bringing her back." The trooper says, "have a nice day, sir".
Or-----
An elderly couple were concerned with their increasing short term memory loss, so they went to the Doctor. He told them that there was no "magic bullet" pill that could help them. The Doctor suggested that when they wanted to remember somrthing, to write it down to refresh their memory later. That night they were watching TV and the old man got up from his chair. His wife asked him where he was going and he told her that he was going to the kitchen for some ice cream. She asked him to bring her some and put some caramel topping and nuts on it. Then she told him to write it down so he wouldn't forget. He told her that something as simple as that didn't need to be written down. About twenty minutes later he brings her a plate with scrambled eggs and bacon. She looks at him and says------"AHA! I knew you would forget the toast"!!!!!
I am still typing with one hand so forgive me for any mistakes I didn't catch.
A man going through a "midlife crisis" goes out and buys a new sports car. He takes it onto the freeway to see what it can do. He speeds up to eighty miles per hour and then to 100, and then to 120. At that point he thinks to himself how foolish he is to be driving so fast and begins to slow down. In the meantime, a state trooper sees him speeding and pulls him over. The trooper walks up to the car and tells the man, "Sir, it is Friday and I go off duty in fifteen minutes. If you can give me an excuse for speeding that I haven't heard before I won't write you a ticket." The man looks at the trooper for a minute and says, "son, my wife ran off with a state trooper many years ago and I thought you were bringing her back." The trooper says, "have a nice day, sir".
Or-----
An elderly couple were concerned with their increasing short term memory loss, so they went to the Doctor. He told them that there was no "magic bullet" pill that could help them. The Doctor suggested that when they wanted to remember somrthing, to write it down to refresh their memory later. That night they were watching TV and the old man got up from his chair. His wife asked him where he was going and he told her that he was going to the kitchen for some ice cream. She asked him to bring her some and put some caramel topping and nuts on it. Then she told him to write it down so he wouldn't forget. He told her that something as simple as that didn't need to be written down. About twenty minutes later he brings her a plate with scrambled eggs and bacon. She looks at him and says------"AHA! I knew you would forget the toast"!!!!!
I am still typing with one hand so forgive me for any mistakes I didn't catch.