Topics

[This is going to be a maybe lengthy.. not politically correct or socially correct in the wording..but for sure I will get my point across in whatever redneck fashion that I am well known for. First off... I apologize to everyone because I have not been an active participant nor even an active moderator in the last few years. Therefore, I have not been inside the walls of this domain site in pretty much that time. Without going into a long boring diatribe of my life activities, its sufficient to say that I have been up to my ears in projects work related and personal. I have been training and taking all kinds of tactical and personal defense classes in all areas of self defense and firearm handling. I'm proud to say that I'm now a firearms instructor and hopefully by this spring will be opening up my business to teach Women's Basic Pistol and Self Defense classes and CC Classes. I have also been competing in several areas of the shooting sports and helping Marshal on occasion with his productions for the Outdoor Channel. That and Grandchildren and family and normal life activities pretty much takes up my time. BUT~~~~~ that is still no excuse for not stepping in here and doing what needed to be done a long time ago. For that I once again say.. "I'm sorry".. Marshal has been raised to producer level in several areas within the Channel .. plus still is doing Consulting work and marketing and video work.. plus still has all his other projects that he has been obligated to uphold, which means lots more work and travel time plus he's also competing in the shooting sports and helping me get my new business venture off the ground. so we are coming and going at a fast pace and meeting each other in the middle most of the days. Marshal and I have provided a forum for the citizens of Elk County since 2004. We did this so people would have a place to come locally and catch up on news { friendly gossip} and so on. Well~ It started out great but gradually has turned into a back biting negative place and I for one am not pleased.. Over the last 11 years, the internet as a communication platform has changed dramatically and has become very scattered and fragmented with sections of all kinds going in all directions. We all know that you can find out anything under the sun in a matter of how long it takes to say.. " Ok Google".... Social Media has changed they way we communicate and the forum is no longer a main resource for information. In fact we can talk to anyone in the whole world by a click of a keyboard by talking into a voice activated computer or phone via the internet. Because of the constant changes and advancement of the cyber world... people go to many places to 'reach out and touch someone'....aka Facebook.. Linkedin..Twitter... just to name a few. Part of that, of course, is the reason that forum activity has been reduced to 1/10 of what it was when it peaked in 2009. The other downward spiral is because I believe that the forum is not a fun friendly place to visit or come to anymore. The complaints about the forum we receive online or offline are increasing and it all comes down to politics. Don't get me wrong.. I'm just as passionate as the rest of any American about what's happening to our city's and our small community townships..But Good lord folks.. enough is enough.. When the political posts and rantings start invading all the other sections, and take on such a slanderous nature.. then it becomes an annoyance and an aggravation to those who either have been in the political section and read it already..and definitely to those that don't give a fat frogs patoote about it in the first place and then having it spread all through the coffee shop! We have a choice looking us in the eye.We can try to keep the forum open and going and see if the negativity and the over zealous political cat scratching among forum members eases up and it gets back to being a local place to chat and have fun a few minutes out of your busy days... or we can either shut it down all together... ( and I will be straight up honest with you... that was my suggestion to Marshal } ........because I am the one that catches most of the complaints and problems that are going on internally and externally within the forum from the humans.. He catches all robot and computer tech problems.. lol I am not saying that the complaints are not rightly valid. I do believe they are. What I am saying is it takes a whole lot of time to deal with this dissension and I simply don't have the time.. nor do I really want to. ...And ~based on the reduction in activity, and the way the forum is viewed... this isn't really the kind of place I want our local town to be known for.. Because seriously people... our little town is a friendly great place to live and be. We have so much going for us here.. we have a medical clinic..post office.. court house.. grocery store, pharmacy, hardware store gun store, gas stations, eating places, library..a school.. And yet we fuss and complain and gouge peoples eyes out while sitting behind a keyboard! I mean ...seriously? I have wanted to go in an "clean up" a whole bunch of crap in here and Marshal..bless his heart.. still holds to the fact that its an open forum and will not stifle peoples 1st amendment rights. and I DO agree with him... but I've had it!! So.... we will keep this forum open and give it 2 more months to the end of the year.. and if it still has this dark energy hanging on it.. we will close it for good..We really don't want to do this because we DO still believe that we need a place to go to find out what's going on and who died and so on on a local level.... and I believe that politics also is a huge part of our lives..locally and country wide. Government issues can not and should not be kept quiet about .. but my god!!! Ease up on it .. PLEASE... and if you just HAVE to hammer at it.. PLEASE keep it in the politics section so those that care can read it and those that don't won't have to look at it! Because if I get a note from anyone saying its leached into the other sections I WILL delete it. So~~~~~~ we will see what the next 2 months bring.. Until then.. remember..our time on this earth is short....Don't allow silly drama to stress you out. Breathe and let it go..for it won't make any difference in an hour or a day anyway. Thanks for listening to me... Teresa]

This is going to be a maybe lengthy..  not politically correct or socially correct in the wording..but for sure I will get my point across in whatever redneck fashion that I am well known for.
First off...   I apologize to everyone because I have not been an active participant nor even an active moderator in the last few years. Therefore, I have not been inside the walls of this domain site in pretty much that time.
Without going into a long boring diatribe of my life activities, its sufficient to say that I have been up to my ears in projects work related and personal. I have been training and taking all kinds of tactical and personal defense classes in all areas of self defense and firearm handling. I'm proud to say that I'm now a firearms instructor and hopefully by this spring will be opening up my business to teach Women's Basic Pistol and Self Defense classes and CC Classes. I have also been competing in several areas of the shooting sports and helping Marshal on occasion with his productions for the Outdoor Channel. That and Grandchildren and family and normal life activities pretty much takes up my time. BUT~~~~~ that is still no excuse for not stepping in here and doing what needed to be done a long time ago. For that I once again say.. "I'm sorry"..
Marshal has been raised to producer level in several areas within the Channel .. plus still is doing Consulting work and marketing and video work.. plus still has all his other projects that he has been obligated to uphold, which means lots more work and travel time plus he's also competing in the shooting sports and helping me get my new business venture off the ground. so we are coming and going at a fast pace and meeting each other in the middle most of the days.

Marshal and I have provided a forum for the citizens of Elk County since 2004. We did this so people would have a place to come locally and catch up on news { friendly gossip} and so on. Well~ It started out great but gradually has turned into a back biting negative place and I for one am not pleased..


Over the last 11 years, the internet as a communication platform has changed dramatically and has become very  scattered and fragmented with sections of all kinds going in all directions. We all know that you can find out anything under the sun in a matter of how long it takes to say.. " Ok Google"....
Social Media has changed they way we communicate and the forum is no longer a main resource for information. In fact we can talk to anyone in the whole world by a click of a keyboard by talking into a voice activated computer or phone via the internet.

Because of the constant changes and advancement of the cyber world... people go to many places to 'reach out and touch someone'....aka Facebook.. Linkedin..Twitter... just to name a few. Part of that, of course, is the reason that forum activity has been reduced to 1/10 of what it was when it peaked in 2009. The other downward spiral is because I believe that the forum is not a fun  friendly place to visit or come to anymore.
The complaints about the forum we receive online or offline are increasing and it all comes down to politics. Don't get me wrong.. I'm just as passionate as the rest of any American about what's happening to our city's and our small community townships..But Good lord folks.. enough is enough.. When the political posts and rantings start invading all the other sections, and take on such a slanderous nature..
then it becomes an annoyance and an aggravation to those who either have been in the political section and read it already..and definitely to those that don't give a fat frogs patoote about it in the first place and then having it spread all through the coffee shop!

We have a choice looking us in the eye.
We can try to keep the forum open and going and see if the negativity and the over zealous political cat scratching among forum members eases up and it gets back to being a local place to chat and have fun a few minutes out of your busy days... or we can either shut it down all together... ( and I will be straight up honest with you... that was my suggestion to Marshal } ........because I am the one that catches most of the complaints and problems that are going on internally and externally within the forum from the humans.. He catches all robot and computer tech problems.. lol

I am not saying that the complaints are not rightly valid. I do believe they are. What I am saying is it takes a whole lot of time to deal with this dissension and I simply don't have the time.. nor do I really want to. ...And ~based on the reduction in activity, and the way the forum is viewed... this isn't really the kind of place I want our local town to be known for.. Because seriously people... our little town is a friendly great place to live and be. We have so much going for us here.. we have a medical clinic..post office.. court house.. grocery store, pharmacy, hardware store gun store, gas stations, eating places, library..a school.. And yet we fuss and complain and gouge peoples eyes out while sitting behind a keyboard!   I mean ...seriously? I have wanted to go in an "clean up" a whole bunch of crap in here and Marshal..bless his heart.. still holds to the fact that its an open forum and will not stifle peoples 1st amendment rights. and I DO agree with him... but I've had it!!

So.... we will keep this forum open and give it 2 more months to the end of the year.. and if it still has this dark energy hanging on it.. we will close it for good..
We really don't want to do this because we DO still believe that we need a place to go to find out what's going on and who died and so on on a local level.... and I believe that politics also is a huge part of our lives..locally and country wide.  Government issues can not and should not be kept quiet about .. but my god!!! Ease up on it .. PLEASE... and if you just HAVE to hammer at it.. PLEASE keep it in the politics section so those that care can read it and those that don't won't have to look at it!
Because if I get a note from anyone saying its leached into the other sections I WILL delete it.

So~~~~~~ we will see what the next 2 months bring..
Until then.. remember..our time on this earth is short....Don't allow silly drama to stress you out. Breathe and let it go..for it won't make any difference in an hour or a day anyway.

Thanks for listening to me...

Teresa

[The Architect of DestructionBy Maureen Scott"Obama comes from a community organizer background where it's us against them. But that's not who we are. And that's not the position the leader of our Nation should take." – Dr. Benjamin CarsonObama appears to be a tormented man who is filled with resentment, anger, and disdain for anyone of an opinion or view other than his. He acts in the most hateful, spiteful, malevolent, vindictive ways in order to manipulate and maintain power and control over others. Perhaps because, as a child, he grew up around family members and mentors who instilled him with an abiding bitterness toward the U.S. That bitterness seems not to have left him.It is not the color of his skin that is a problem – for anyone in America. Rather it is the blackness that fills his soul and the hollowness in his heart where there should be abiding pride and love for this country.Think: Have we ever heard Obama speak lovingly of the U.S. or its people, with deep appreciation and genuine respect for our history, our customs, our sufferings and our blessings? Has he ever revealed that, like most patriotic Americans, he gets "goose bumps" when a band plays "The Star Spangled Banner," or sheds a tear when he hears a beautiful rendition of "America the Beautiful?" Does his heart burst with pride when millions of American flags wave on a National holiday – or is he moved to sadness and reflection when someone plays "taps" on a trumpet? Has he ever felt the depth of our admiration of the military, as lovers of those who keep America free feel when soldiers march by? It is doubtful – because Obama did not grow up sharing our experiences or our values. He did not sit at the knee of a grandfather or uncle who showed his medals and told of the bravery of his fellow troops as they fought and tramped through foreign lands sacrificing for a cause greater than their own lives. He didn't have grandparents who told stories of suffering and then coming to America, penniless, and the opportunities they had for building a business and life for their children.Away from this country as a young child, Obama didn't delight in being part of America and its greatness. He wasn't singing our patriotic songs in kindergarten, or standing on the roadside for a holiday parade and eating a hot dog, or lighting sparklers around a campfire on July 4th as fireworks exploded over head, or placing flags on the gravesites of fallen and beloved American heroes.Rather Obama was separated from all of these experiences. He doesn't really understand us and what it means to be an American. He is void of the basic emotions that most feel regarding this country and is insensitive to the instinctive pride we have in our national heritage. His opinions were formed by those who either envied us or wanted him to devalue the United States and the traditions and patriotism that unite us.Obama has never given a speech that is filled with calm, reassuring, complimentary, heartfelt statements about all the people in the U.S. Or one that inspires us to be better, grateful, and proud that, in a short time, our country became a leader, and a protector of so many. Quite the contrary, his speeches always degenerate into mocking, ridiculing tirades as he faults our achievements ,along with any of his critics, all for the sake of a laugh, or to bolster his ego. He uses his Office to threaten and create fear while demeaning and degrading anyone who opposes his policies and actions. Unlike a secure leader, who has noble self-esteem and not false confidence, Obama displays a cocky, haughty attitude and a dread of being critiqued.Mostly, his time seems to be spent causing dissention, unrest, and anxiety among the people rather than uniting us (even though he was presented to us as the "Great Uniter"). He creates chaos for the sake of keeping citizens separated, envious, aggrieved and ready to argue. Under his leadership Americans have been kept on edge, rather than in a state of comfort and security. He incites people to be aggressive toward, disrespectful of, and retaliate against those of differing backgrounds and views. Through such behavior, Obama has lowered the standards for self-control and mature restraint to the level of rowdy, street-fighting gangs. When, instead, he should be raising the bar for people to strive toward becoming more considerate, tolerant, self-disciplined, self-sustaining, and self-assured.Not a day goes by that he is not attempting to defy our laws, remove our rights, over-ride established procedures, install controversial appointees, enact divisive mandates, and assert a dictatorial form of power. Never has there been a leader of this great land who used such tactics to harm and hurt the people and this country. Never have we had a President who spoke with a caustic, evil tongue against the citizenry rather than present himself as a soothing, calming, and trustworthy force. Never, in this country, have we experienced how much stress one man can cause a nation of people – on a daily basis!Obama has promoted the degeneration of peace, civility, and quality of cooperation between us. He thrives on tearing us down, rather than building us up. He is the Architect of the decline of America, and the epitome of a Demagogue.© Maureen Scott]

The Architect of Destruction
By Maureen Scott

"Obama comes from a community organizer background where it's us against them. But that's not who we are. And that's not the position the leader of our Nation should take." – Dr. Benjamin Carson

Obama appears to be a tormented man who is filled with resentment, anger, and disdain for anyone of an opinion or view other than his. He acts in the most hateful, spiteful, malevolent, vindictive ways in order to manipulate and maintain power and control over others. Perhaps because, as a child, he grew up around family members and mentors who instilled him with an abiding bitterness toward the U.S. That bitterness seems not to have left him.

It is not the color of his skin that is a problem – for anyone in America. Rather it is the blackness that fills his soul and the hollowness in his heart where there should be abiding pride and love for this country.

Think: Have we ever heard Obama speak lovingly of the U.S. or its people, with deep appreciation and genuine respect for our history, our customs, our sufferings and our blessings? Has he ever revealed that, like most patriotic Americans, he gets "goose bumps" when a band plays "The Star Spangled Banner," or sheds a tear when he hears a beautiful rendition of "America the Beautiful?" Does his heart burst with pride when millions of American flags wave on a National holiday – or is he moved to sadness and reflection when someone plays "taps" on a trumpet? Has he ever felt the depth of our admiration of the military, as lovers of those who keep America free feel when soldiers march by? It is doubtful – because Obama did not grow up sharing our experiences or our values. He did not sit at the knee of a grandfather or uncle who showed his medals and told of the bravery of his fellow troops as they fought and tramped through foreign lands sacrificing for a cause greater than their own lives. He didn't have grandparents who told stories of suffering and then coming to America, penniless, and the opportunities they had for building a business and life for their children.

Away from this country as a young child, Obama didn't delight in being part of America and its greatness. He wasn't singing our patriotic songs in kindergarten, or standing on the roadside for a holiday parade and eating a hot dog, or lighting sparklers around a campfire on July 4th as fireworks exploded over head, or placing flags on the gravesites of fallen and beloved American heroes.

Rather Obama was separated from all of these experiences. He doesn't really understand us and what it means to be an American. He is void of the basic emotions that most feel regarding this country and is insensitive to the instinctive pride we have in our national heritage. His opinions were formed by those who either envied us or wanted him to devalue the United States and the traditions and patriotism that unite us.

Obama has never given a speech that is filled with calm, reassuring, complimentary, heartfelt statements about all the people in the U.S. Or one that inspires us to be better, grateful, and proud that, in a short time, our country became a leader, and a protector of so many. Quite the contrary, his speeches always degenerate into mocking, ridiculing tirades as he faults our achievements ,along with any of his critics, all for the sake of a laugh, or to bolster his ego. He uses his Office to threaten and create fear while demeaning and degrading anyone who opposes his policies and actions. Unlike a secure leader, who has noble self-esteem and not false confidence, Obama displays a cocky, haughty attitude and a dread of being critiqued.

Mostly, his time seems to be spent causing dissention, unrest, and anxiety among the people rather than uniting us (even though he was presented to us as the "Great Uniter"). He creates chaos for the sake of keeping citizens separated, envious, aggrieved and ready to argue. Under his leadership Americans have been kept on edge, rather than in a state of comfort and security. He incites people to be aggressive toward, disrespectful of, and retaliate against those of differing backgrounds and views. Through such behavior, Obama has lowered the standards for self-control and mature restraint to the level of rowdy, street-fighting gangs. When, instead, he should be raising the bar for people to strive toward becoming more considerate, tolerant, self-disciplined, self-sustaining, and self-assured.

Not a day goes by that he is not attempting to defy our laws, remove our rights, over-ride established procedures, install controversial appointees, enact divisive mandates, and assert a dictatorial form of power.

    Never has there been a leader of this great land who used such tactics to harm and hurt the people and this country.

    Never have we had a President who spoke with a caustic, evil tongue against the citizenry rather than present himself as a soothing, calming, and trustworthy force.

    Never, in this country, have we experienced how much stress one man can cause a nation of people – on a daily basis!

Obama has promoted the degeneration of peace, civility, and quality of cooperation between us. He thrives on tearing us down, rather than building us up. He is the Architect of the decline of America, and the epitome of a Demagogue.

© Maureen Scott

[Republicans piss me off. The Dems at least had the honesty to kick Lieberman out of their party, why the hell do the Republicans let Chris Christie still have a seat at the table? In classic war, the victor is decided by whose Army occupies whose capital at the end of it. In a "counter-insurgency" or "5th gen warfare" who wins is largely a matter of public opinion.Ever wonder why the media worked so hard to link the TEA Party with "racism"? Perception. Ever wonder why the media works so hard to make George Zimmerman a "white hispanic" after they tried to make him "white"? Perception.Ever wonder why when a black kid gets killed by a non-black the media goes into feeding frenzy mode with Al, Jesse, and the rest of the Race Warlord Poverty Pimps, and when a young white couple is slain in their home we hear nothing on the national stage? Perception.The civil war has already started, right now it is a war for perception. The weapons are words, images, and emotional appeal. The Democrats don't give a crap about black people because they are black. Look at how swiftly they turn on any black leader who has the courage to step off the Democrat Plantation. The Democrats care about black people because they are largely a low information voter block that doesn't use critical reasoning skills on issues of budget.The blacks in America are much like the hispanics in that sense, the Democrats really don't care about hispanics (in fact you can look at hispanics doing well under Republican leadership and hispanics doing poorly under Democratic leadership and see who actually cares about creating real opportunities for minorities). The reason the Democrats pull the race card at the drop of the hat is because they have no other card to play. They cannot point to history and say that "wealth redistribution" will create a more wealthy society. Conservatives can look at the history of Socialism, from the USSR to Detroit, and show that wealth redistribution only shares the poverty. The war is on. The firing hasn't happened yet, but politics is bloodless war. And if you aren't fighting to win, get out of the game.The very best thing that a conservative can do is to block every possible iota of "progressive" legislation, and work to dismantle as much "progressive" legislation as possible.The bedrock truth is that Democrats believe government needs to be big enough to give people "freedom from fear, hunger, or want." and that is a blatant appeal for the lazy, uninformed, and unmotivated to say "see, it's not my fault."Some days I think, "Bring on the crash" and I look at my options for surviving through it. Our location in where we live, our country roots upbringing, our country bred survival skills and our awareness of being prepared before anything occurs renders us to be more successful than other. If we survive as a nation we would come out of it stronger (in my opinion, tyrants throughout history have used economic collapse as a means to grab power). Other days I think that we still have time to cushion the crash, that we can choose austerity now and come out of our malaise with some dignity intact. When the collapse happens at least my sons and family are old enough to help out with defense, food security, and other manual labor. I pity the people who have no working clan to congregate in with.]

Republicans piss me off.  The Dems at least had the honesty to kick Lieberman out of their party, why the hell do the Republicans let Chris Christie still have a seat at the table?

In classic war, the victor is decided by whose Army occupies whose capital at the end of it.  In a "counter-insurgency" or "5th gen warfare" who wins is largely a matter of public opinion.

Ever wonder why the media worked so hard to link the TEA Party with "racism"?  Perception.

Ever wonder why the media works so hard to make George Zimmerman a "white hispanic" after they tried to make him "white"?  Perception.

Ever wonder why when a black kid gets killed by a non-black the media goes into feeding frenzy mode with Al, Jesse, and the rest of the Race Warlord Poverty Pimps, and when a young white couple is slain in their home we hear nothing on the national stage?  Perception.

The civil war has already started, right now it is a war for perception.  The weapons are words, images, and emotional appeal.

The Democrats don't give a crap about black people because they are black.  Look at how swiftly they turn on any black leader who has the courage to step off the Democrat Plantation.  The Democrats care about black people because they are largely a low information voter block that doesn't use critical reasoning skills on issues of budget.

The blacks in America are much like the hispanics in that sense, the Democrats really don't care about hispanics (in fact you can look at hispanics doing well under Republican leadership and hispanics doing poorly under Democratic leadership and see who actually cares about creating real opportunities for minorities).

The reason the Democrats pull the race card at the drop of the hat is because they have no other card to play.  They cannot point to history and say that "wealth redistribution" will create a more wealthy society.  Conservatives can look at the history of Socialism, from the USSR to Detroit, and show that wealth redistribution only shares the poverty.

The war is on.  The firing hasn't happened yet, but politics is bloodless war.  And if you aren't fighting to win, get out of the game.

The very best thing that a conservative can do is to block every possible iota of "progressive" legislation, and work to dismantle as much "progressive" legislation as possible.

The bedrock truth is that Democrats believe government needs to be big enough to give people "freedom from fear, hunger, or want." and that is a blatant appeal for the lazy, uninformed, and unmotivated to say "see, it's not my fault."

Some days I think, "Bring on the crash" and I look at my options for surviving through it. Our location in where we live, our country roots upbringing, our country bred survival skills and our awareness of being prepared before anything occurs renders us to be more successful than other.   If we survive as a nation we would come out of it stronger (in my opinion, tyrants throughout history have used economic collapse as a means to grab power).  Other days I think that we still have time to cushion the crash, that we can choose austerity now and come out of our malaise with some dignity intact. When the collapse happens at least my sons  and family are old enough to help out with defense, food security, and other manual labor. I pity the people who have no working clan to congregate in with.

(((Was ask to post this on behalf of the Boy Scout Troop of Howard. )))

Boy Scout Troop 53. Howard Ks  This was the class of our Welding Merit Badge project. Thanks to all those who donated materials and special thanks to Micky Wunderlich for  teaching everyone the craft of welding.
Thanks again~~
Billy Bunyard

[When I was a child in the 1950's (aaaah, make that the 40's!) the bathing suit for the mature figure was-boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift, and they did a good job. Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip.The mature woman has a choice: she can either go up front to the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus that escaped from Disney's Fantasia, or she can wander around every run-of-the-mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of fluorescent rubber bands.What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which gives the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you would be protected from shark attacks. Any shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash.I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place I gasped in horror, my boobs had disappeared!Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is now meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view assessment.The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fitted those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom and sides. I looked like a lump of Playdoh wearing undersized cling wrap.As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, "Oh, there you are," she said, admiring the bathing suit.I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me. I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two-piece that gave the appearance of an oversized napkin in a serviette ring.I struggled into a pair of leopard-skin bathers with ragged frills and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a rough day.I tried on a black number with a midriff fringe and looked like a jellyfish in mourning.I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.Finally, I found a suit that fit, it was a two-piece affair with a shorts-style bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured.When I got it home, I found a label that read, "Material might become transparent in water."So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this year and I'm there too, I'll be the one in cut-off jeans and a T-shirt!]

When I was a child in the 1950's (aaaah, make that the 40's!) the bathing suit for the mature figure was-boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift, and they did a good job.

Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip.

The mature woman has a choice: she can either go up front to the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus that escaped from Disney's Fantasia, or she can wander around every run-of-the-mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of fluorescent rubber bands.

What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which gives the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you would be protected from shark attacks. Any shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash.

I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place I gasped in horror, my boobs had disappeared!

Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.

The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is now meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view assessment.

The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fitted those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom and sides. I looked like a lump of Playdoh wearing undersized cling wrap.

As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, "Oh, there you are," she said, admiring the bathing suit.

I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me. I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two-piece that gave the appearance of an oversized napkin in a serviette ring.

I struggled into a pair of   leopard-skin bathers with ragged frills and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a rough day.

I tried on a black number with a midriff fringe and looked like a jellyfish in mourning.


I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.

Finally, I found a suit that fit, it was a two-piece affair with a shorts-style bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured.

When I got it home, I found a label that read, "Material might become transparent in water."

So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this year and I'm there too, I'll be the one in cut-off jeans and a T-shirt!

[The truth is I do not like the Obamas, what they represent, their ideology,and I certainly do not like his policies and legislation.]

Mychal Massie is arespected writer and black talk show host in Los Angeles.

The other evening on my twitter, a person asked me why I didn't like the Obamas?
Specifically I was asked: "I have to ask, why do you hate the Obama's?  It
seems personal, not policy related.   You even dissed (disrespect) their Christmas family picture."

The truth is I do not like the Obamas, what they represent, their ideology,
and I certainly do not like his policies and legislation.

  I've made no secret of my contempt for the Obamas.  As I responded to the person who
asked me the aforementioned question, I don't like them because they are
committed to the fundamental change of my/our country into what can only be
regarded as a Communist state.
I don't hate them per definition, but I condemn them because they are the worst kind of racialists, they are elitist Leninists with contempt for traditional America .  They display disrespect
for the sanctity of the office he holds, and for those who are willing to
admit same, Michelle Obama's raw contempt for white America is transpicuous.
I don't like them because they comport themselves as emperor and empress.

I expect, no I demand respect, for the Office of President and a love of our
country and her citizenry  from the leader entrusted with the governance of
same.

President and Mrs. Reagan displayed an unparalleled love for the
country and her people.  The Reagan's made Americans feel good about themselves and
about what we could accomplish.   
His arrogance by appointing 32 leftist czars and constantly bypassing congress is impeachable.

Eric Holder is probably the MOST incompetent and arrogant DOJ head to ever
hold the job.  Could you envision President Reagan instructing his Justice
Department to act like jack-booted thugs? Presidents are politicians and all
politicians are known and pretty much expected to manipulate the truth, if
not outright lie, but even using that low standard, the Obama's have taken
lies, dishonesty, deceit, mendacity, subterfuge and obfuscation to new
depths. They are verbally abusive to the citizenry, and they display an
animus for civility.
I do not like them, because they both display bigotry overtly, as in the case of Harvard Professor Louis Gates, when he accused the Cambridge Police of acting stupidly, and her code speak pursuant to now being able to be proud of America. I view that statement and that mindset as
an insult to those who died to provide a country where a Kenyan, his illegal alien relatives, and his
alleged progeny, could come and not only live freely, but rise to the
highest, most  powerful, position in the world.   Michelle Obama is free to
hate and disparage whites because Americans of every description paid with
their blood to ensure her right to do same.

I have a saying, that "the only reason a person hides things, is because
they have something to hide."
No president in history has spent over a million dollars to keep his records
and his past sealed. And what the two of them have shared has been proved to
be lies.  He lied about when and how they met, he lied about his mother's
death and problems with insurance, Michelle lied to a crowd pursuant to
nearly $500,000 bank stocks they inherited from his family.  He has lied
about his father's military service, about the civil rights movement, ad
nausea.  He lied to the world about the Supreme Court in a State of the
Union address.    He berated and publicly insulted a sitting Congressman.
He has surrounded himself with the most rabidly, radical, socialist
academicians today.  He opposed rulings that protected women and children
that even Planned Parenthood did not seek to support.   He is openly hostile
to business and aggressively hostile to Israel . His wife treats being the
First Lady as her personal American Express Black Card (arguably the most
prestigious credit card in the world).   I condemn them because, as people
are suffering, losing their homes, their jobs, their retirements, he and his
family are arrogantly showing off their life of entitlement - as he goes
about creating and fomenting class warfare.

I don't like them, and I neither apologize nor retreat from my public
condemnation of them and of his
policies.  We should condemn them for the disrespect they show our people,
for his willful and unconstitutional actions pursuant to obeying the
Constitutional parameters he is bound by, and his willful disregard for
Congressional authority.
Dislike for them has nothing to do with the color of their skin; it has everything to do with their behavior, attitudes, and policies.

And I have open scorn for their constantly playing the race card.
I could go on, but let me conclude with this.

I condemn in the strongest possible terms the media for refusing to investigate them, as they did President Bush and President Clinton, and for refusing to label them for
what they truly are. There is no scenario known to man, whereby a white
president and his wife could ignore laws, flaunt their position, and lord
over the people, as these two are permitted out of fear for their color.

As I wrote in a syndicated column titled, "Nero In The White House" - "Never in
my life, inside or outside of politics, have I witnessed such dishonesty in
a political leader. He is the most mendacious political figure I have ever
witnessed.   Even by the low standards of his presidential predecessors, his
narcissistic, contumacious arrogance is unequalled.  Using Obama as the bar,
Nero would have to be elevated to sainthood.

Many in America wanted to be proud when the first person of color was
elected president, but instead, they have been witness to a congenital liar,
a woman who has been ashamed of America her entire life, failed policies,
intimidation, and a commonality hitherto not witnessed in political leaders.
He and his wife view their life at our expense as an entitlement - while
America 's people go homeless, hungry and unemployed."

[The pictures of Cole, Danny and Ronda's baby boy and my newest grandson are here! And yes ~~ He has instantly locked his way around my heart~~just like all the others have.. LOL.. http://www.countrylifestudio.com/ColeC13/]

The pictures of Cole, Danny and Ronda's baby boy and my newest grandson are here! And yes ~~ He has instantly locked his way around my heart~~just like all the others have.. LOL..  

http://www.countrylifestudio.com/ColeC13/

Kayla Henley & Jeremy Webb won the 2012 Junior 2 Division at this year's National SHAG Dance Championships. The competition is held over three nights in March

[For this work, we interviewed 17 chiefs and sheriffs from around the country. From those conversations (emails and phone) we have some quotes in this work. We were asked not to source the particular quotes and that is fair since this was not an on the record news interview, we just wanted their thoughts and opinions. So, as Joe Friday said, "just the facts ma'am." When it comes to various politicians and others speaking against gun ownership (the 2nd Amendment and Constitution by definition) politicians will many times cite city and state police chiefs who allegedly may support the anti-gun movement. These politicians may have police chiefs and their officers appear with them as props or spokesmen in news conferences. So the logical question to ask is why are these top cops so seemingly against firearm ownership? Chiefs are at the beck and call of their political bosses, mayors and city councils. "We chiefs get our opinion on firearm ownership when it is issued to us."--A recent quote by a chief. A sheriff told us "There is an active debate between sheriffs and chiefs that is affected by the big city chief culture because chiefs tend to emulate each other." For our purpose here let's just deal with city police, not state/national officials. If city politicians are against gun ownership (Chicago, Washington D.C, San Francisco, and New York for example) and the chief doesn't agree he can (and probably will) be fired or demoted by the mayor or possibly by a simple majority of the City Council. In most towns over 50,000 population chiefs generally get paid between $70,000 and $140,000 a year plus benefits and retirement. Large city chiefs get well over $200,000 plus benefits, retirement and every once in a while you run into a chief earning well over $300,000.00 plus benefits. They want to hang onto that "chief" position, title and income. This is why you see chiefs and their officers in the background when privileged officials posture against citizen firearm ownership and the Constitution by definition. Sure some chiefs may believe in citizen gun control and may be willing as a backdrop for self-serving politicians--especially if they were appointed by those in power at the time. So whenever a mayor, senator, representative or president wants a show of "top cops" showing support, a message is delivered to the particular city where the top officials are anti-2nd Amendment requesting top cops as props. The chiefs and officers are obediently delivered for props or advised to get their resume updated. Sheriffs are by and large a different breed. They are elected by the people with a larger proportional number of citizens than city officials. The sheriff does not have to please a few city council members, a goofy mayor (or a governor). Sheriffs represent the beliefs and values of the majority of the area of his or her citizens who directly voted them into office. Yes, there will be sheriffs who do not want guns in the hands of citizens, but nothing like the number of police chiefs who have a near immediate career ending gun held to their heads by anti-Constitution politicians or the chief culture. And most sheriffs take their Oath supporting the Constitution very seriously. And while they currently follow and enforce Constitutional applicable federal, state and county laws they reserve the power invested in their oath and position as elected officers of their county to resist or not to enforce Constitutional infringing law if or when that might come. If that were to occur, the state police and/or federal government may be ordered to step into that particular sheriff's county to enforce those particular unconstitutional laws. The ramifications of those legal incursions might be very interesting to watch, especially, we were told, if that particular sheriff is actively supported by the citizens of that county. The bottom line is city, state and even federal chiefs will almost always bend to the will of their political masters--He who has the gold makes the rules." Then this might be something to bring up in various press conferences with officers in the background.]

Why So Many Police Chiefs Favor Gun Control  When Most Sheriffs Don't

This contains some concepts that many folks haven't considered. We are not siding with or against the police or advancing excuses for them and we hope it does not appear we are picking on them either; we aren't.
 
Shults Media Relations, LLC
A PR firm that seriously supports the outdoor and firearms industry and our Constitution




For this work, we interviewed 17 chiefs and sheriffs from around the country. From those conversations (emails and phone) we have some quotes in this work. We were asked not to source the particular quotes and that is fair since this was not an on the record news interview, we just wanted their thoughts and opinions. So, as Joe Friday said, "just the facts ma'am."

When it comes to various politicians and others speaking against gun ownership (the 2nd Amendment and Constitution by definition) politicians will many times cite city and state police chiefs who allegedly may support the anti-gun movement. These politicians may have police chiefs and their officers appear with them as props or spokesmen in news conferences. So the logical question to ask is why are these top cops so seemingly against firearm ownership?

Chiefs are at the beck and call of their political bosses, mayors and city councils. "We chiefs get our opinion on firearm ownership when it is issued to us."--A recent quote by a chief.  

A sheriff told us "There is an active debate between sheriffs and chiefs that is affected by the big city chief culture because chiefs tend to emulate each other."

For our purpose here let's just deal with city police, not state/national officials. If city politicians are against gun ownership (Chicago, Washington D.C, San Francisco, and New York for example) and the chief doesn't agree he can (and probably will) be fired or demoted by the mayor or possibly by a simple majority of the City Council. In most towns over 50,000 population chiefs generally get paid between $70,000 and $140,000 a year plus benefits and retirement. Large city chiefs get well over $200,000 plus benefits, retirement and every once in a while you run into a chief earning well over $300,000.00 plus benefits. They want to hang onto that "chief" position, title and income.

This is why you see chiefs and their officers in the background when privileged officials posture against citizen firearm ownership and the Constitution by definition. Sure some chiefs may believe in citizen gun control and may be willing as a backdrop for self-serving politicians--especially if they were appointed by those in power at the time. So whenever a mayor, senator, representative or president wants a show of "top cops" showing support, a message is delivered to the particular city where the top officials are anti-2nd Amendment requesting top cops as props. The chiefs and officers are obediently delivered for props or advised to get their resume updated.

Sheriffs are by and large a different breed. They are elected by the people with a larger proportional number of citizens than city officials. The sheriff does not have to please a few city council members, a goofy mayor (or a governor). Sheriffs represent the beliefs and values of the majority of the area of his or her citizens who directly voted them into office. Yes, there will be sheriffs who do not want guns in the hands of citizens, but nothing like the number of police chiefs who have a near immediate career ending gun held to their heads by anti-Constitution politicians or the chief culture.  

And most sheriffs take their Oath supporting the Constitution very seriously. And while they currently follow and enforce Constitutional applicable federal, state and county laws they reserve the power invested in their oath and position as elected officers of their county to resist or not to enforce Constitutional infringing law if or when that might come. If that were to occur, the state police and/or federal government may be ordered to step into that particular sheriff's county to enforce those particular unconstitutional laws. The ramifications of those legal incursions might be very interesting to watch, especially, we were told, if that particular sheriff is actively supported by the citizens of that county.    


The bottom line is city, state and even federal chiefs will almost always bend to the will of their political masters--He who has the gold makes the rules."  Then this might be something to bring up in various press conferences with officers in the background.

[This venerable and much honored WW II vet is well known in Hawaiifor his seventy-plus years of service to patriotic organizations and causes all over the country.A humble man without a political bone in his body, he has never spoken out before about a government official, until now. He dictated this letter to a friend, signed it and mailed it to the president.]

This venerable and much honored WW II vet is well known in Hawaii
for his seventy-plus years of service to patriotic organizations and causes all over the country.
A humble man without a political bone in his body, he has never spoken out before about a government official, until now. He dictated this letter to a friend, signed it and mailed it to the president.

Dear President Obama,

My name is Harold Estes, approaching 95 on December 13 of this year. People meeting me for the first time don't believe my age because I remain wrinkle free and pretty much mentally alert.

I enlisted in the U.S. Navy in 1934 and served proudly before, during and after WW II retiring as a Master Chief Bos'n Mate. Now I live in a "rest home" located on the western end of Pearl Harbor , allowing me to keep alive the memories of 23 years of service to my country.

One of the benefits of my age, perhaps the only one, is to speak my mind, blunt and direct even to the head man.

So here goes.

I am amazed, angry and determined not to see my country die before I do, but you seem hell bent not to grant me that wish.

I can't figure out what country you are the president of.
You fly around the world telling our friends and enemies despicable lies like:
" We're no longer a Christian nation"
" America is arrogant" - (Your wife even
announced to the world," America is mean-
spirited. " Please tell her to try preaching
that nonsense to 23 generations of our
war dead buried all over the globe who
died for no other reason than to free a
whole lot of strangers from tyranny and
hopelessness.)
I'd say shame on the both of you, but I don't think you like America, nor do I see an ounce of gratefulness in anything you do, for the obvious gifts this country has given you. To be without shame or gratefulness is a dangerous thing for a man sitting in the White House.

After 9/11 you said," America hasn't lived up to her ideals."

Which ones did you mean? Was it the notion of personal liberty that 11,000 farmers and shopkeepers died for to win independence from the British? Or maybe the ideal that no man should be a slave to another man, that 500,000 men died for in the Civil War? I hope you didn't mean the ideal 470,000 fathers, brothers, husbands, and a lot of fellas I knew personally died for in WWII, because we felt real strongly about not letting any nation push us around, because we stand for freedom.

I don't think you mean the ideal that says equality is better than discrimination. You know the one that a whole lot of white people understood when they helped to get you elected.

Take a little advice from a very old geezer, young man.

Shape up and start acting like an American. If you don't, I'll do what I can to see you get shipped out of that fancy rental on Pennsylvania Avenue . You were elected to lead not to bow, apologize and kiss the hands of murderers and corrupt leaders who still treat their people like slaves.

And just who do you think you are telling the American people not to jump to conclusions and condemn that Muslim major who killed 13 of his fellow soldiers and wounded dozens more. You mean you don't want us to do what you did when that white cop used force to subdue that black college professor in Massachusetts , who was putting up a fight? You don't mind offending the police calling them stupid but you don't want us to offend Muslim fanatics by calling them what they are, terrorists.

One more thing. I realize you never served in the military and never had to defend your country with your life, but you're the Commander-in-Chief now, son. Do your job. When your battle-hardened field General asks you for 40,000 more troops to complete the mission, give them to him. But if you're not in this fight to win, then get out. The life of one American soldier is not worth the best political strategy you're thinking of.

You could be our greatest president because you face the greatest challenge ever presented to any president.
You're not going to restore American greatness by bringing back our bloated economy. That's not our greatest threat. Losing the heart and soul of who we are as Americans is our big fight now.
And I sure as hell don't want to think my president is the enemy in this final battle...

Sincerely,
Harold B. Estes

Snopes confirms as true:
http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/haroldestes.asp

[As is common in forwarded e-mails, the facts sometime are stretched just a bit. While the e-mail is factual for the most part, the law is in effect in all states, the fines listed are slightly over stated. Even the web site at the end of this e-mail list the maximum fines in each state which is obviously not the amounts reported in the e-mail. You can also check it out at Snopes.com http://www.snopes.com/politics/traffic/moveover.aspIt is good information though as most people don't seem to be aware of the law.]

As is common in forwarded e-mails, the facts sometime are stretched just a bit. While the e-mail is factual for the most part, the law is in effect in all states, the fines listed are slightly over stated. Even the web site at the end of this e-mail list the maximum fines in each state which is obviously not the amounts reported in the e-mail. You can also check it out at Snopes.com http://www.snopes.com/politics/traffic/moveover.asp

It is good information though as most people don't seem to be aware of the law.


Check each state on the map and it will tell you

what the law is and the amount of the fine

THE FINES CAN REACH UP TO
$1050.00 AND YOU AUTOMATICALLY LOSE YOUR LICENSE FOR A YEAR--SO TELL YOUR KIDS AND EVERY ONE YOU KNOW WHO DRIVES

NEW DRIVING LAW =ALL STATES (Very Important!)

While driving across Arizona a few weeks ago, I observed an Arizona Highway patrolman parked on the side of the freeway with his lights flashing for no apparent reason. I soon reasoned that he was probably waiting for some unsuspecting soul to violate the new law. Beware my friend.

From the size of that fine it seems like it would be best to slow down to 20 MPH under the speed limit AND move over.

I was aware of the move over to outer lane and knew to slow down, but I didn't 't know about the 20 mph under speed limit. Thought maybe this might be good information to pass on.

Someone added: This happened to my aunt on the four lane right outside of Dyersburg , TN a few months ago. Her ticket was over $300 and it cost her three points on her license, too. A state trooper and a county cop had someone else pulled over. She slowed down and moved over a little, but not all the way into the other lane. The trooper wasn't 't understanding at all. Mom was with her and she didn't 't know about the law either.

NEW TRAFFIC LAW - 2010 If a patrol car is pulled over to the side of the road, you have to change to the next lane (away from the stopped vehicle) OR slow down to at least 20 mph under the posted speed limit. Every state and Maryland and the D.C. has this law. In Hawaii, the Move-over law became effective on July 10, 2012. In California, the Move-over law became operative on January 1, 2010. A friend 's son got a ticket for this recently. A police car (turned out it was two police cars) was on the side of the road giving a ticket to someone else. He slowed down to pass but did not move into the other lane. The second police car immediately pulled him over and gave him a ticket. He had never heard of the law. It is a fairly new law that states if any emergency vehicle is on the side of the road, if you are able, you are to move into the far lane. The cost of the ticket was $754, with three points on his license and a mandatory court appearance. Please let every-one you know who drives about this new law. It is true (see details at the following web addresses).This same law applies to tow trucks and medical emergency vehicles like ambulances on the side of the road.

http://www.moveoveramerica.com/

[Wi-Fi Symbol on your Credit Card YOU WONT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING. WATCH VIDEO AND CHECK YOUR CARDS.Check your newer credit cards for the Wi-Fi Symbol on it. You need to watch the video below to really know why I sent this to you. Subject: RFID Credit Cards IMPORTANT I read this about a couple weeks ago, and then checked my cards for the little "Wi-Fi Signal Icon" on each one. I found none w/that signal on them, but I was determined to watch for it when my cards came in on renewals. Well, yesterday I got my CHASE SLATE card AND THERE IT WAS ! My first time to see it. I'll not activate that card after seeing this. I guess I'll go to the bank and see if I can replace it w/a non Wi-Fi (Radio Frequency Card)....? Thought all my contacts ought to see this if you've not already seen this demo....wow!]

Wi-Fi Symbol on your Credit Card
YOU WONT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING. WATCH VIDEO AND CHECK YOUR CARDS.
Check your newer credit cards for the Wi-Fi Symbol on it. You need to watch the video below to really know why I sent this to you.
Subject: RFID Credit Cards IMPORTANT

I read this about a couple weeks ago, and then checked my cards for the little "Wi-Fi Signal Icon" on each one. I found none w/that signal on them, but I was determined to watch for it when my cards came in on renewals. Well, yesterday I got my CHASE SLATE card AND THERE IT WAS ! My first time to see it. I'll not activate that card after seeing this. I guess I'll go to the bank and see if I can replace it w/a non Wi-Fi (Radio Frequency Card)....?

Thought all my contacts ought to see this if you've not already seen this demo....wow!

Wonder who this is...? 

[My daddy taught me how to clean squirrels like this a long time ago.. I think The McDonalds must have invented this technique. I have shown a lot of men how to clean a squirrel and have never failed to hear how much better my/our way is than the way that they had tried to do it. NOw you can see first hand the easy way to clean squirrels.. And this little critter is my favorite meat over anything else.]

My daddy taught me how to clean squirrels like this a long time ago.. I think The McDonalds must have invented this technique.    I have shown a lot of men how to clean a squirrel and have never failed to hear how much better my/our way is than the way that they had tried to do it.  NOw you can see first hand  the easy way to clean squirrels..
And this little critter is my favorite meat over anything else.

"Apparently, I'm supposed to be more angry about what Mitt Romney does with "his" money than what Barack Obama does with "mine."

When I was a child in the 1950s, the bathing suit for the mature figure was-boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift, and they did a good job.

Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip.

The mature woman has a choice, she can either go up front to the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus that escaped from Disney's Fantasia, or she can wander around every run-of-the-mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of fluorescent rubber bands.

What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and entered the chamber of

horrors known as the fitting room. The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength
of the stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which gives the added bonus that if you manage
to actually lever yourself into one, you would be protected from shark attacks. Any shark taking a
swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash.

I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place I gasped in horror, my boobs had disappeared!

Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find the other.
At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.

The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is now meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view assessment.

The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fitted those bits of me willing to stay inside it.
The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom and sides. I looked like a lump of Playdoh wearing undersized cling wrap.

As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, "Oh, there you are," she said, admiring the bathing suit.

I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me. I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two-piece that gave the appearance of an oversized napkin in a serving ring.

I struggled into a pair of leopard-skin bathers with ragged frills and came out looking like Tarzan's
Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a rough day.

I tried on a black number with a midriff fringe and looked like a jellyfish in mourning.

I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.

Finally, I found a suit that fit, it was a two-piece affair with a shorts-style bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured.

When I got it home, I found a label that read, "Material might become transparent in water."

So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this year and I'm there too, I'll be the one in cut-off jeans and a T-shirt!

[This true event occurred in Athens, TN in 1946. An armed revolt by WWII veterans took place at this time for the purpose of restoring law, justice and order in the town. A very sobering but instructive video that all should see.The reasons for the founders providing the nation the second amendment should be clearer to everyone after watching this. The Battle of Athens was an armed rebellion led by WWII veterans and citizens in Athens and Etowah, Tennessee, United States, against the tyrannical local government in August 1946.]

This true event occurred in Athens, TN in 1946. An armed revolt by WWII veterans took place at this time for the purpose of restoring law, justice and order in the town.  A very sobering but instructive video that all should see.
The reasons for the founders providing the nation the second amendment should be clearer to everyone after watching this.



The Battle of Athens was an armed rebellion led by WWII veterans and citizens in Athens and Etowah, Tennessee, United States, against the tyrannical local government in August 1946.

[I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies..I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then on the day before my colonopscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water.. with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon. The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, states that after you drink it... 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative!! I don't want to be too graphic here... but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of "MoviPrep spurtage" !! I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the hell the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked..Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that IT was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.]

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.

A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.
Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.

I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies..

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.   Then on the day before my colonopscopy, I began my preparation.  In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water.. with less flavor.  
Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep.   You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug.   This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, states  that after you drink it... 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'

This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative!!  I don't want to be too graphic here... but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of "MoviPrep spurtage" !!  I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the hell the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked..

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep..
At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.

Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.

There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.

'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that IT was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.







On the subject of Colonoscopies...
Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. Take it easy Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before.

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

And the best one of all:
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'

This is unbelievable, photo ID's should be required for voting!!!
((We're just so screwed!!))