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Topics - Warph

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Politics / THIS DAY IN HISTORY....
« on: April 13, 2016, 05:43:26 AM »

APRIL 12,1861
The Civil War Begins

The bloodiest four years in American history begin when Confederate shore batteries under General P.G.T. Beauregard open fire on Union-held Fort Sumter in South Carolina’s Charleston Bay. During the next 34 hours, 50 Confederate guns and mortars launched more than 4,000 rounds at the poorly supplied fort. On April 13, U.S. Major Robert Anderson surrendered the fort. Two days later, U.S. President Abraham Lincoln issued a proclamation calling for 75,000 volunteer soldiers to quell the Southern “insurrection.”

As early as 1858, the ongoing conflict between North and South over the issue of slavery had led Southern leadership to discuss a unified separation from the United States. By 1860, the majority of the slave states were publicly threatening secession if the Republicans, the anti-slavery party, won the presidency. Following Republican Abraham Lincoln’s victory over the divided Democratic Party in November 1860, South Carolina immediately initiated secession proceedings. On December 20, the South Carolina legislature passed the “Ordinance of Secession,” which declared that “the Union now subsisting between South Carolina and other states, under the name of the United States of America, is hereby dissolved.” After the declaration, South Carolina set about seizing forts, arsenals, and other strategic locations within the state. Within six weeks, five more Southern states–Mississippi, Florida, Alabama, Georgia, and Louisiana–had followed South Carolina’s lead.

In February 1861, delegates from those states convened to establish a unified government. Jefferson Davis of Mississippi was subsequently elected the first president of the Confederate States of America. When Abraham Lincoln was inaugurated on March 4, 1861, a total of seven states (Texas had joined the pack) had seceded from the Union, and federal troops held only Fort Sumter in South Carolina, Fort Pickens off the Florida coast, and a handful of minor outposts in the South. Four years after the Confederate attack on Fort Sumter, the Confederacy was defeated at the total cost of 620,000 Union and Confederate soldiers dead.

Miscellaneous / True Stupid Stories
« on: December 13, 2015, 01:06:30 AM »


All the stories are true.

You cannot make this sh!t up!

The earlier stories (1-6) were originally written as posts to an AOL bulletin board, and were never really intended for public consumption. The adventures described herein are those of a twisted, immature individual. So if you are overly self-righteous, under 18, or just an a$$hole to begin with, don't even read these, much less e-mail me about them. I KNOW they suck, hence the name of the website. Thanks.

"I wonder why stories of degradation and humiliation make you more popular."
 - Homer Simpson
 "I dunno. They just do."
 - Moe Syzlak

Unspeakably Stupid Story #1:
"The Angry Bail Bondsman"

From 1989 until 1994, I had this really nice '89 Honda Prelude. It was the most reliable, well-built car I ever owned, which is saying a lot, because I have owned four Lexii. However, there were two problems with the car. One, it was slow. It had the biggest engine you could get in a Honda, but the automatic tranny made it a snail-mobile. Two, I couldn't take it out of my garage without someone getting mad and flipping me off. I guess it was the appearance of the car -- it was fire-engine red, with an aftermarket wing, tinted windows, custom wheels & tires, $3000 worth of stereo, and a license plate which bore my actual first name. Change lanes? Get flipped off. Merge into traffic? Get flipped off. Run a yellow light? Get flipped off. It became tiresome.

Anyway, one day in 1991, I was driving to work. I was patiently waiting for my turn to use the on-ramp when some type-A jerk in a gold Mercedes sedan decides HE'S not going to wait, he needs to cut into the line NOW, and furthermore, I'm the guy who's going to let him in line in front of me. Sorry, Charlie, no such luck. The guy behind me lets him cut in though, so now the guy is PISSED and he's behind me. Once on the freeway, I change to the left lane, and Mr. Dickhead in the Merc has already changed lanes and is RIGHT BEHIND ME and now he's really pissed because of course I pulled into the left lane right in front of him, winning our little race in a cheesy Honda although he's got Teutonic iron that I am supposed to respect and even be intimidated by.

So this moron FOLLOWS ME ALL THE WAY TO WORK. Once I park, he pops out of his Merc. The guy is big, and in his forties. He stands over top of my car as I climb out, briefcase in hand. I figure the guy is going to take a swing at me, but no! He decides to joust with me verbally. Heh. As you might expect, everything he says gets shoved right back in his face with an offensively flippant remark as I walk to the little shop where I still work to this day. Finally realizing that I am not intimidated, he heads back for his car, but before climbing in, he makes some derogatory schoolyard remark about my nose (!) that I haven't heard since the 10th grade (remember this guy is in his FORTIES). As I open the door to the shop and step inside, I say "Wah! Sore loser."

So NOW the a**hole is REALLY PISSED. He walks into the shop, asks if I'm the owner. No. He wants to talk to the owner. By now, Fred (the boss) is already coming out of his office. Mr. Dickhead tries to convince Fred that I am a reckless driver, but Fred responds by telling the guy to get the hell out of here. The guy calls Fred a few choice names and leaves, madder than ever. Fred and I have a good laugh over it, recalling that the guy (for whatever reason) told Fred that he is "in the bail bonds business" during the course of their argument. So we look up "bail bonds" in the phone book and sure enough, the guy's name (Jim French) and picture are all over the yellow pages! Turns out he owns the biggest bail bonds business in the town I live in, and has about 3 or 4 solid pages of ads in the phone book! We laugh our asses off at this.

Then, a few months later, in the local paper:

James Robert French, 47, of 8708 N.W. Lakecrest Ave., is to appear for arraignment this morning for SEVEN COUNTS OF CHILD MOLESTATION/CHILD RAPE and is wanted in California for another two charges of sexual assault. The alleged victims in both Washington and California are close relatives. French, who owns Clark County Bail Bonds, allegedly assaulted the victim over a five-year period.

I sure hope he can find some bail bonds.


The following article appeared in the Portland, Oregon Oregonian on November 17, 1995:

A fugitive warrant has been issued for James R. French, who was convicted Tuesday in Clark County Superior Court of sexually abusing his stepdaughter.
 He was found guilty of two counts of first-degree rape of a child and three counts of second-degree rape of a child. The abuse began when the girl was 8. She now is 16.
 French, 47, had been free on bail pending sentencing, which had been scheduled for Thursday. He owns Clark County Bail Bonds and similar businesses in six other states.
 Rod Frederiksen, Vancouver police chief, said sources told authorities that French was headed to Mexico or Arizona. He reportedly was traveling alone. French is described as 6 feet 6 inches, 250 pounds, with blue eyes and brown hair. He may be driving a white Land Rover, a gold Mercedes or a 1995 Mitsubishi Quest minivan.

A later report mentioned that he always carries a gun.

Jim French. What an a**hole!
This is Jim French. If you see him, call the police.


October 15, 2003 - Jim French captured in Mazatlan, Mexico

This a**hole was finally caught after eight years in Mexico. Note the following paragraph that appeared in the Vancouver, WA Columbian on October 15, 2003:

"Clark County Sheriff's Sgt. Dave Trimble said acquaintances of French's in Mexico grew suspicious of French -- Trimble didn't know why -- and started checking into his background. They traced French back to Clark County and alerted both the sheriff's office and the Vancouver office of the Federal Bureau of Investigation."

A couple of months ago, a reader wrote me to ask if Unspeakably Stupid Story #1, The Angry Bail Bondsman, was really true. She had tried to find out more about Jim French by looking up his name (James R. French) on the search engines, and came up with nothing. I tried it myself, and sure enough, the case was so old that there was virtually nothing about him anywhere on the Web -- except this page right here, which has always included the attractive mug shot above.

I am wondering if this website helped his acquaintances in Mexico trace him back to Clark County and the fact that he was on the lam.

THAT would be sweet.

Think of me when your new roommate is making sweet love to your hiney, Jim! And let's take it easy on the road rage next time, assuming you can still get a license when you're 80 years old.


From The Oregonian, December 23, 2004

Fugitive child rapist set to return

VANCOUVER -- A convicted Clark County child rapist who jumped bail and disappeared nine years ago is expected to return today from Mexico.

 James Robert French, 57, is scheduled to arrive at Portland International Airport on a commercial flight from Mexico City and Houston in the custody of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, sources close to the case who asked not to be identified said Wednesday. He spent more than a year in a Mexico City jail fighting extradition to the United States.

He will be held in the Clark County Jail.

"We know he'll need protective custody because he's a sex offender," said Joe Dunegan, jail chief for the Clark County Sheriff's Office.

French, a former bail-bond company owner, likely will appear Monday in Superior Court on an accusation of bail jumping, sources said. A new sentencing date for the 1995 conviction could be set.

Jumping bail is a class B felony, which carries a maximum penalty of 10 years in prison and a $20,000 fine.

French was arrested on federal fugitive warrants in October 2003 in Mazatlan, where he was using the name Richard Black and operating a currency-exchange business.

In November 1995, a Clark County Superior Court jury convicted French of two counts of first-degree rape of a child, three counts of second-degree rape of a child and one count of first-degree child molestation. The abuse began when the victim was 8 and continued for five years.

French faced as long as 23 years in prison, and his sentencing was set for three days later.

Judge Roger A. Bennett allowed French out on $75,000 bail to complete personal business, believing his ties to the community would ensure his appearance for sentencing. French, who had a 15-year-old son, surrendered his passport and promised to deliver a property bond for his Lakeshore Hills home.

When he failed to show up for sentencing, Bennett issued an arrest warrant.

"I've never had anybody with the local ties and assets that he has split," Bennett said at the time.

French apparently was closing a deal to sell his company during the trial. He sold his interest in Pioneer Bail Bonds Inc., the holding corporation for Clark County Bail Bonds and other bail-bonding operations he started in California, Arizona, Idaho, Utah, Michigan and Ohio.

The business made French wealthy. A November 1992 financial statement showed he had a net worth of more than $1.4 million. His former wife testified that he kept $350,000 to $500,000 in an easily accessible bail fund.

French, however, likely will not be fined in connection with his 1995 conviction. State law provides for a fine of as much as $50,000 for each count, but in an October letter to the U.S. Department of Justice, Bennett said he won't impose a fine.

"For purposes of accomplishing this extradition, I will commit to imposing no fine against Mr. French in this case," Bennett wrote.

Bennett has since removed himself from the case and it has been reassigned to Judge Edwin L. Poyfair.


From The Oregonian, May 20, 2005

Bondsman draws term of 16 years for abuse

James French is sentenced to prison nearly a decade after he fled to Mexico to avoid charges of abusing a girl for five years


More than nine years after a jury found him guilty of child rape and molestation, former Vancouver bail bondsman James French heads to prison today.

Equating French to "just this side of one who would commit murder," Superior Court Judge Edwin Poyfair on Thursday sentenced him to 16 years in prison.

A jury found French guilty in 1995 of two counts of first-degree rape of a child, three counts of second-degree rape of a child and one count of first-degree child molestation. The abuse began when the victim was 8 years old and continued for five years.

French, who at the time was a wealthy bail-bond business owner living in the Felida area, was out of jail on $75,000 bond when he fled to Mexico.

He spent about eight years there going by the name Richard Black and running a currency-exchange business until Mexican authorities arrested him on federal fugitive warrants.

He was held for 16 months in a Mexico City jail while he fought extradition to the United States. Federal agents returned French to Vancouver in December.

French's attorney, Sheryl McCloud of Seattle, asked for a more lenient sentence, saying it could be the difference between punishment and a death sentence for her ailing client.

"I ask this court to consider . . . a man who at age 57 is in deteriorating health physically and mentally, who has a complete background, not just a criminal background."

She did not elaborate on his condition.

McCloud also pointed to letters of support from friends and family, and referred to two of French's adult children in the courtroom who still "stand by him," she said.

Shackled at the ankles with five custody officers watching him, French, who consistently has maintained his innocence, stood and apologized.

"I am sorry," he said, in a quiet, shaky voice. "I am sorry."

Poyfair, however, was not lenient. Given the option of between 149 and 198 months, he gave French 192, with credit for his nearly two years served in Mexico and the United States.

"You have taken away a lot from this child, now a young lady," Poyfair said. "You have caused great scarring . . . for your whole family. This court cannot give the least bit of tolerance."

The sentence options could have been longer, but Mexico, as part of its agreement to extradite French to the United States, said he could not be punished for bail jumping.

« on: December 06, 2015, 11:12:29 PM »

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
 2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
 3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
 4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
 5. All reports are in; Life is now officially unfair.
 6. If all is not lost, where is it?
 7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
 8. Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
 9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...
 10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
 11. Accidents in the back seat
 12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
 13. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
 14. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
 15. It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
 16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
 17. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter ... I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm here after.

The Good Old Days / To My Old Master
« on: November 19, 2015, 12:22:24 AM »

In August of 1865, a Colonel P.H. Anderson of Big Spring, Tennessee, wrote to his former slave, Jourdon Anderson, and requested that he come back to work on his farm. Jourdon — who, since being emancipated, had moved to Ohio, found paid work, and was now supporting his family — responded spectacularly by way of the letter seen below (a letter which, according to newspapers at the time, he dictated).

 Rather than quote the numerous highlights in this letter, I'll simply leave you to enjoy it. Do make sure you read to the end.

 UPDATE: Head over to Kottke for a brief but lovely little update about the later years of Jourdon and family.

 (Source: The Freedmen's Book; Image: A group of escaped slaves in Virginia in 1862, courtesy of the Library of Congress.)

Dayton, Ohio,

 August 7, 1865

 To My Old Master, Colonel P.H. Anderson, Big Spring, Tennessee

 Sir: I got your letter, and was glad to find that you had not forgotten Jourdon, and that you wanted me to come back and live with you again, promising to do better for me than anybody else can. I have often felt uneasy about you. I thought the Yankees would have hung you long before this, for harboring Rebs they found at your house. I suppose they never heard about your going to Colonel Martin's to kill the Union soldier that was left by his company in their stable. Although you shot at me twice before I left you, I did not want to hear of your being hurt, and am glad you are still living. It would do me good to go back to the dear old home again, and see Miss Mary and Miss Martha and Allen, Esther, Green, and Lee. Give my love to them all, and tell them I hope we will meet in the better world, if not in this. I would have gone back to see you all when I was working in the Nashville Hospital, but one of the neighbors told me that Henry intended to shoot me if he ever got a chance.

 I want to know particularly what the good chance is you propose to give me. I am doing tolerably well here. I get twenty-five dollars a month, with victuals and clothing; have a comfortable home for Mandy,—the folks call her Mrs. Anderson,—and the children—Milly, Jane, and Grundy—go to school and are learning well. The teacher says Grundy has a head for a preacher. They go to Sunday school, and Mandy and me attend church regularly. We are kindly treated. Sometimes we overhear others saying, "Them colored people were slaves" down in Tennessee. The children feel hurt when they hear such remarks; but I tell them it was no disgrace in Tennessee to belong to Colonel Anderson. Many darkeys would have been proud, as I used to be, to call you master. Now if you will write and say what wages you will give me, I will be better able to decide whether it would be to my advantage to move back again.

 As to my freedom, which you say I can have, there is nothing to be gained on that score, as I got my free papers in 1864 from the Provost-Marshal-General of the Department of Nashville. Mandy says she would be afraid to go back without some proof that you were disposed to treat us justly and kindly; and we have concluded to test your sincerity by asking you to send us our wages for the time we served you. This will make us forget and forgive old scores, and rely on your justice and friendship in the future. I served you faithfully for thirty-two years, and Mandy twenty years. At twenty-five dollars a month for me, and two dollars a week for Mandy, our earnings would amount to eleven thousand six hundred and eighty dollars. Add to this the interest for the time our wages have been kept back, and deduct what you paid for our clothing, and three doctor's visits to me, and pulling a tooth for Mandy, and the balance will show what we are in justice entitled to. Please send the money by Adams's Express, in care of V. Winters, Esq., Dayton, Ohio. If you fail to pay us for faithful labors in the past, we can have little faith in your promises in the future. We trust the good Maker has opened your eyes to the wrongs which you and your fathers have done to me and my fathers, in making us toil for you for generations without recompense. Here I draw my wages every Saturday night; but in Tennessee there was never any pay-day for the negroes any more than for the horses and cows. Surely there will be a day of reckoning for those who defraud the laborer of his hire.

 In answering this letter, please state if there would be any safety for my Milly and Jane, who are now grown up, and both good-looking girls. You know how it was with poor Matilda and Catherine. I would rather stay here and starve—and die, if it come to that—than have my girls brought to shame by the violence and wickedness of their young masters. You will also please state if there has been any schools opened for the colored children in your neighborhood. The great desire of my life now is to give my children an education, and have them form virtuous habits.

 Say howdy to George Carter, and thank him for taking the pistol from you when you were shooting at me.

 From your old servant,

 Jourdon Anderson.

Greetings, Birthdays & Anniversaries / Happy Birthday Chilita
« on: November 03, 2015, 09:45:12 PM »

Happy Birthday Chilita Chili Dawg

You would have been 8 Yrs. Old today.... We miss you pretty girl!!!

Miscellaneous / Chilita at the Rainbow Bridge
« on: May 28, 2015, 02:03:49 AM »

We lost our beloved Pom/Chi of 7 yrs.,Chilita, of renal failure yesterday.  I will miss her...  terribly.  I know she is in a better place and one day we will see her again.   Love you & miss you, Chili Dawg    :-*

The Coffee Shop / Happy Armed Forces Day & Memorial Day
« on: May 16, 2015, 11:47:30 PM »

HAPPY Armed Forces Day

Happy #ArmedForcesDay @usairforce!

Happy #ArmedForcesDay @USMC!

Happy #ArmedForcesDay @USArmy!

Happy #ArmedForcesDay @USNavy!

Happy #ArmedForcesDay @USNat.Guard
Utah National Guard Members

Politics / Good News Network - Politics
« on: May 15, 2015, 03:46:51 AM »

Dog Saved From Euthanasia “Saved” Veteran‘s Life, Now a Hero Nominee

A German shepherd who narrowly escaped death at a shelter is officially in the running to be National Hero Dog of the Year.

A group called K9s for Warriors rescued Axel from the pound in hopes that he might be able to rescue a wounded warrior – Marine Captain Jason Haag, who was injured twice while serving in Iraq.

Haag, who lives with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and suffers from traumatic brain injury, had been withdrawing from life, staying in his basement and ignoring his wife and kids. At one time, he was taking 32 pills a day.

Nothing “worked” to alleviate the pain until he met Axel.

Within a week of adopting the pup, Haag was attending his son’s baseball game, for the first time in years.

“He can wake me up out of nightmares, take me out of flashbacks,” Haag told WUSA in a video.

Now, Axel is up for the American Humane Association’s ‘Hero Dog of the Year’ award for, and you can vote for Axel through May 15th.

Since 2011, K9s for Warriors has placed 159 service dogs with veterans.

The award would mean a big donation to K9s for Warriors, which would go toward the training of more dogs to save more veterans.

In this case, though, Haag likes to think they both saved each other


Dogs that were once hard to adopt have become hard to resist thanks to photographer Guinevere Shuster, who found that goofy grins, rubbery faces and outrageous poses normally reserved for humans turned out to be a perfect way to capture a dog’s personality.

Shuster, who serves as Director of Social Media for the Humane Society of Utah, says she  simply tosses a treat, lets the dogs ham it up, snaps a few shots, and–presto! The dogs look like they’re having a day off-leash on the boardwalk.

Checkout the dog photo's:

Miscellaneous / Stupid Stories Of Stupid People
« on: May 14, 2015, 03:32:51 AM »

Why I Fired My Secretary

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday! ", and possibly have a present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday."

I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember.

My kids came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning Boss, Happy Birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day...We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?" She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back."

"Ok." I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake... Followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".

And I just sat there...

On the couch...

In my birthday suit.

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