Electile Dysfunction: the inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party in the 2008 election year
Boy Howdy, ain't it the truth. I would love to be apathetic at this point. The truth is the front runners at this point all scare the hell out of me for one reason or another.
I have a very bad case of "electile dysfunction".
It scares the BeJeesus out of a lot of us, Roma Jean ----- Holie Buckets, I do hope someone comes out of the wood work that we can trust for the next 4 years !!!
Is that where they are hiding, Jo? You know what comes out of wood, don't you? Maybe they would be an improvement at that.
Sign on back of Septic Tank Truck:
CAUTION: This vehicle may be transporting political promises.
We got a phone call yesterday afternoon inviting us to join Barack Obama on Rodney Square in Wilmington tomorrow. Al's legs aren't up to that kind of thing and I'm sure Mr. O, will only be there for a few minutes, but I didn't think little Delaware would rate that kind of attention, in spite of Joe Biden. Mr.O's wife was here on Thurs. It's starting to get interesting.
California is being wooed by all of the politicians. Of course, our Primary is this coming Tuesday. It will be most interesting to see who comes out the winners, I think it's going to be pretty close. We will be so glad when this election is over with, but then, we say that every four years! Actually, every two years, in some cases!
A Greek man was washed up on the beach after a terrible shipwreck.
Only a sheep and a sheepdog survived with him.
He looked around and realized that they were stranded on a desert island.
After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.
One particular evening, the sky was fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle -- A perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started to look better and better to the lonely man.
Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm away from the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was Hillary Clinton.
That evening the man introduced Hillary to the evening sunset ritual.
It was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze -- A perfect night for romance.
Pretty soon, the man started to get "those feelings" again.
He fought the urges as long as he could, but finally gave in and leaned over to Hillary, cautiously, and whispered in her ear...
"Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"
John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several
hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets", and ten roosters,
whose
job it was to fertilize the eggs.
The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went
into
the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so
he
bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each
bell
had a different tone so John could tell from a distance,
which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and
fill
out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen
he
was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's
bell
hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were
chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters
coming, would run for cover.
But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak,
so
it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job
and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he
entered him in the Renfrew
County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result...The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell
Piece
Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making: who else but a
politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted
awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace
and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
VOTE CAREFULLY ! ... The bells are not always audible !!!
Whether Democrat or Republican, I think you'll get a kick out of this!A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:I am the head of the family, so call me The President.Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her theGovernment.We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.Now think about that and see if it makes sense."So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up tocheck on him.He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father inbed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, "Dad, I think Iunderstand the concept of politics now."The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you thinkpolitics is all about."The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Classwhile the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored andthe Future is in deep shit..
Judy, I think that little boy has it all figured out. That was a good one. I wonder who has the time and mentality to figure those thinks out.
Frank
Good one, it sums it up nicely.
You just said it all!!!!!!!!!!!
An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting
time the boy should give some thought to choosing a
profession.
Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he
wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away to school, his father decided
to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed
on his study table four objects.
A Bible
A silver dollar
A bottle of whisky
And a playboy magazine.
'I'll just hide behind the door', the old preacher said to himself.
'When he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see
which object he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a
preacher like me and what a blessing that would be! If he picks
up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would
be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle. he's going to be a
no-good drunkard, and Lord, what a shame that would be.
And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a
skirt-chasing bum.'
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-
steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his
room.
The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave
the room he spotted the objects on the table.
With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm.
He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket.
He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired
this months centerfold.
'Lord have mercy.' the old preacher disgustedly whispered.
'He's gonna run for Congress!'
ohh Judy.. these make me laugh.. LOL
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The buzzword of this election is "change." Candidates easily toss it around without saying, WHAT THEY WANT TO CHANGE TO??
Years ago, there was an old tale in the Navy about a Lieutenant who inspected his Sailors and since they had been to see for years, told the "Boatswain's" that they smelled bad. The lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear.
The "Boatson" responded, "Aye, aye, sir. I'll see to it immediately."
He went to them and said, "The lieutenant thinks you smell bad and he wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowskie, Brown, you change with Schultz."
A candidate may promise change in Washington, but the accumulated stink of years will always remain!
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Those are all so RIGHT!!!! :D :D :D :D :D
One evening, while campaigning in Texas, Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road. Suddenly an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to
avoid it but couldn't - the aged bovine was struck and killed. Hillary told
her driver to go up to the ranch house and explain to the owners what had
happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists.
About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in
disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of very expensive wine in one hand,
a rare, huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared
with lipstick. "What happened to you," asked Hillary?
"Well," the driver replied, "the rancher gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their
beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me!"
"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary.
The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the
door of the house and said, I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow. The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it.
For shame! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
"Tough Choice"
The Democratic Party has a crisis of monumental proportions -- They don't know whether to vote for the "nut" with two boobs or the "boob" with two nuts.
Judy, I love it. That is a classic.
Frank
Almost Identical
Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" & "My Life" by Bill
Clinton. One smart ass student turned in the following book report, with
the proposition that they were nearly identical stories ! His cool
professor gave him an A+ for this report:
Titanic: $29.99
Clinton: $29.99
Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read
Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and
subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and
subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist.
Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Bill.
Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica.
Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there.
Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts.
Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack.
Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.
Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hilary...basically the same thing
After escaping from her overly controlling campaign manager for the evening, Hillary Clinton sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute.
In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year just after you lose the election.'
Then the soothsayer looked up and locked eyes with Hillary, who was visibly shaken at this news.
Hillary stared back at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her shaking hands.
She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She looked back, deep into the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her the big question: "Will I be acquitted?"
Hillary bounces back and wins the Democratic nomination and is elected President.
It is three a.m. at the White House and the phone rings.
Hillary, still muttering she is ready from day one, springs up ready to go and answers.
A squeaky feminine voice on the other end says, "Is Billy back yet, I need to talk to him."
Folks . . . we have a WINNER! "Illegal Alien counterfeit ID of the week"
This is an actual driver's license presented by an illegal alien:
(http://i273.photobucket.com/albums/jj216/marshalette/illegalID.jpg)
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(http://i273.photobucket.com/albums/jj216/marshalette/ATT7.jpg)