(http://www.pmcaregivers.com/images/naked_pensioners.jpg)
Transgender Havelina (Harvey) Muttercupp, lawyer and activist... and main squeeze Surcey Edwards, two Kansas delegation of pensioners, threaten to take their bras off unless they are seated at the KS State DNC convention in Topeka while a contingent of Elk Co. Retired Marines look on hoping something might drop their way.
Don't mess with grandma...
A 75 year old lady tries to break up a robbery attempt at a Seven-Eleven convenience store in Malden, Mass. Her weapon... a price checker. She even follows him outside.
Barbara Ann Farlinger, therapeutic recreation consultant for the Kansas State Department of Health Services says "Elderly people checking into nursing homes around the state are finding more than a clean bed, a friendly nurse and companionship. Now there's a real trend toward pet-therapy programs for the elderly because it works. People need to be needed and animals need people.''
(http://www.pmcaregivers.com/images/117351.jpg)
Ever since they adopted Bubba the boa, some of the other pets in the program seem to have disappeared.... among other things... as this poor woman in the wheelchair is about to find out. Look out, old girl. :o ...Warph
(http://www.pmcaregivers.com/images/elderlyCouple.jpg)
Kansas State Government Research Studies show that Senior Citizens are the nations leading carriers of Aids!
The report, published by the U.S. Administration on Aging (AoA) on all states shows that senior citizens are the leading carriers of Hearing Aids, Band Aids, Rol Aids, Walking Aids, Medical Aids, Government Aids, and most of all, monetary aid to their kids.
(http://www.pmcaregivers.com/images/image_30.jpg)
Not one to tell on them but... I'm sure Jarhead, LarryJ, Ready and Wilma all agree that you know you're getting old when....
--An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee!
--You and your teeth don't sleep together anymore.
--Your mind not only wanders. Sometimes it leaves completely.
--All the names in your black book have M.D. after them.
--Getting a little action" means I don't need fiber today.
--"Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
--My teeth are my own. I have the receipt.
--The candles cost more than the cake.
--Your back goes out more than you!
And me? ??? Here are some good things that happen to me as I grow older....
--Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off!
--Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
--It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
--If you've never smoked, you can start now and it won't have time to hurt you.
--Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them, either!!
--Your eyes won't get much worse.
--Things you buy now don't have time to wear out.
--And, one of the best advantages of being old is... "I've seen it all, done it all, heard it all. I just can't remember it all!"
Your're wrong on one of them, Warph. My teeth do sleep with me. And I don't have a receipt for them.
Me too Wilma. All 6 of my teeth still sleep with me, that is when I sleep and not up 13 times a night to pee !!
(http://lesandmay.com/site/comics/2012-06-21-imbiding-internist.jpg)
Hmmmm... Medicible, you think????
(http://www.pmcaregivers.com/images/SeniorLeisureMagazine3.jpg)
A German Brothel Offers Senior Citizen Early Bird Afternoon Discount To Customers 60+
For everyone who thinks there is no sex life after 60, think again. A brothel in the western town of Germany is offering a 50 percent discount to senior citizens for sex in the afternoon, if they come with proof of age. A normal sex session at "Pascha" in the western city of Cologne costs about $67 but senior citizens aged 60, or older, who come between noon and 5 p.m., qualify for the half-price special, the brothel says. Local media quoted the spokesman for the brothel's managing director Armin Lobscheid as saying, "All clients need to do is show us some proof of age. We don't earn as much money, but we're establishing ourselves across a broader range of age groups." Saying, "older folks are more active than you think," the spokesperson added that the new offer has definitely raised the number of older people visiting them.
Wow... no wonder Germany seems so solvent!
Hmmm.... maybe Ross could bring this up at the next County Comm. meeting or maybe get Elk Konn involved in this. Is that Senior facility that EK had still available? It could bring in a nice tidy sum for the County. Possibly that nice County Commissioner Ms. Henricks could help. I mean after all, she's going to put in a Golf Course for Elk, isn't she?
Quote from: Warph on June 25, 2012, 08:08:28 PM
Hmmm.... maybe Ross could bring this up at the next County Comm. meeting or maybe get Elk Konn involved in this. Is that Senior facility that EK had still available? It could bring in a nice tidy sum for the County. Possibly that nice County Commissioner Ms. Henricks could help. I mean after all, she's going to put in a Golf Course for Elk, isn't she?
Warph!!! You're a genius! Considering the increasing numbers of seniors here, maybe you're on to something.... but if it's couched as economic development, the county needs to run it itself. We old folks have enough problems with blurry vision without the added blurring of public/private partnerships. If run privately by EK, then the county county could impose a Frosty Prosty tax and use the revenue to buy more G-rated movies for rental at the library. The clinics could be contracted to help with hearing AIDS prevention. Batson's might benefit from increased sales of Viagra & vitamin C. We might get a physical therapy clinic to open & help with the after effects of all the strenuous exercise. The county transportation service would see an increase in ridership, too.
But, where to build? Howard? Longton? Elk Falls? Moline? Grenola? Or maybe revive the old spa resort at Cave Springs. Now
that's neighborhood revitalization! But those bad roads will have to be fixed first. Agenda 65 anyone? Gee, maybe somebody could get a grant! ;D
Brilliant idea. We could get ol Ross to do a feasibility study. It would be like old times for that old squid. Almost like docking at a different port every week.
(PS; Ross I'm going to NC for a few day where it's cool in the Smokey mountains so don't bother coming to Longton to put an old time Kansas ass whup'n on me ) ;D
Quote from: jarhead on June 26, 2012, 02:37:38 PM
Brilliant idea. We could get ol Ross to do a feasibility study. It would be like old times for that old squid. Almost like docking at a different port every week.
(PS; Ross I'm going to NC for a few day where it's cool in the Smokey mountains so don't bother coming to Longton to put an old time Kansas ass whup'n on me ) ;D
I don't know if my wfe would approve of me doing that particular feasibility study, no I know she wouldn't.
But the old swabbie in me would. LOL Shame on me!
I'd have to settle on the County Commissioner Rehabilitation reasibility study, oops mean the Propoesd County Revitalization Program feasbility program. Hiccup, hiccup!
Have a safe trip and drag some cool and wet (rain that is) back with you.
I'll try and have a safe trip Ross. Looks like a chance of rain every day we will be there but I welcome it. Might get drunk and dance nakkid in the rain !!
I will be seeing two ol swabbies, Doc Bones and Doc Wayne. You want me to tell them that you think they were crazy for becoming Corpsman and both volunteering FMF ? (that mean Fleet Marine Force for the Fly -Boys reading this---and in 68-69 that guaranteed you a set of orders for West Pac ) :D
Quotenakkid in the rain
Lawd help us all!!!! :o
Was that 'spit up' I felt in my mouth??? roflmo
Have a safe and wonderful trip, and enjoy the weather!
ready
Quote from: jarhead on June 26, 2012, 03:42:45 PM
Looks like a chance of rain every day we will be there but I welcome it. Might get drunk and dance nakkid in the rain !!
:D
No pic's please! LOL
Jarhead, have a safe trip, ole buddy! (that is as long as you are going east and not west.) FYI, I tried dancing nekkid in the rain once. All I got out of it was wet, cold and a sinus infection that lasted longer than the rain did. ::)
Larryj
Quote from: jarhead on June 26, 2012, 02:37:38 PM
Brilliant idea. We could get ol Ross to do a feasibility study. It would be like old times for that old squid. Almost like docking at a different port every week.
(PS; Ross I'm going to NC for a few day where it's cool in the Smokey mountains so don't bother coming to Longton to put an old time Kansas ass whup'n on me ) ;D
If you are in Asheville, NC with the wife, The Grove Park Inn is the place to stay, Jar. Have stayed there many times. They would usually stick me in the Richard Nixon Room 'cause State was paying the tab. You do not want that. You would need a ladder to get on the bed. I recommend th Romance pkg. for you and your lovely wife.
Their Grand Romance Package Includes:
*Two nights of resort accommodations on our exclusive, adult-only Club Floor
*Access to The Spa during your entire stay
*Two evenings of romantic dining for two (one evening at Horizons Dining Room--Asheville's only 4-diamond restaurant,
and one evening at your choice of either the Sunset Terrace or an In-Room Dining experience)
*One bottle of Trader Joe's sparkling wine
*Seasonal floral arrangement from our in-house floral department
*Daily continental breakfast in the Club Floor Lounge
*Daily evening cocktails and hors d'oeuvres in the Club Floor Lounge
All this for a measly:
Prices for this two-night package start at $2,046*
*Price does not include taxes and $22 daily Resort Charge.
**Don't argue, your Wife will love you for it. You may want to renew your wedding vows.
P.S. - Stay away from this guy if you stay there.... Tip crazy maintenance/porter.
Lives in a closet across from the RNixon Room:
(http://images.43places.com/i_did_it_entry/33284pw600.jpg)
While you are out there dancing in the rain, If you see my friend Nadia, my slavic hope... tell her I said hi.:
(http://www.visualphotos.com/photo/2x3816385/woman_dancing_barefoot_in_the_rain_12910040.jpg)
Here we are dancing in the rain back in the day:
(http://favim.com/orig/201105/21/boy-couple-girl-rain-romantic-sheamphe-Favim.com-52373.jpg)
I'd stay away from this one if I were you...
(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Mdtg29M3qXs/S8eE-NQZRYI/AAAAAAAACac/_aN7FaK2_a0/s1600/raincoat.jpg)
Don't show any of these pictures to anyone... My wife, well you know what I mean.
Have a great trip. I'll be out there in Sept.
Quote from: larryJ on June 26, 2012, 08:43:20 PM
Jarhead, have a safe trip, ole buddy! (that is as long as you are going east and not west.) FYI, I tried dancing nekkid in the rain once. All I got out of it was wet, cold and a sinus infection that lasted longer than the rain did. ::)
Larryj
Hey R.A.M.B.O. Can you do this? ???
(http://freepostermaker.com/uploads/saved_posters/free-poster-mvhbnuiekt-DANCING-IN-THE-RAIN.jpg)
Warph,
Be staying 30 minutes from Ashville. Be staying in Waynesville at some Golf Resort and Spa---but aint no way my fat arse is whacking some little ball then chasing it down, only to whack it again. No, I will be sitting on a deck drinking White Russians and smoking a Cohiba, and watching them other fools. Leaving in 10 minutes because I decided to drive to California then swing east to NC ---after I spend a few days with ol Doc, out on the west coast. You locals be warned---any sum bickle think they are gonna steal tomatoes and watermelons from my garden while I'm gone, Teresa volunteered to guard it. She is out there laying in the melon patch----and I might add it's a perfect camouflage ---her just laying there amongst the melons----I'll quit while I'm ahead !!!! ;D
Jarhead, she is going to get you.
;D ;D ;D
Youngsters aren't the only people who take out personal ads. Seniors do too! And they have a sense of humor as well. Here are funny classifed ads placed by actual senior citizens in Florida plus a few from Arizona.
**Male, 1922, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.
**Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
**I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga, and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out, and enjoy quiet times.
**Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob, and caramel candy.
I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights, and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
**Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5' 4" (used to be 5' 6"), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus. I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.
**80-year-old, bubbly, no assets, seeks handsome, virile Jewish male under 35. Object matrimony. I can dream, can't I?
**Wanted: Bonded escort, silver-haired (not dyed), two days a week for three active ladies, eighty-plus. Should look rich (but not too rich). Politically conservative. Good bridge player and waltzer. Sharp enough to handle six Bingo cards at once. Prefer chauffeur's license, L.P.N., and Black Belt in karate.
Young people have their sneaky acronyms, now seniors have their own texting codes.
Now that we oldies can text, here are some helpful texting ideas:
* ATD - At the Doctor's
* BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
* BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
* BYOD - Bring Your Own Depends
* DWI - Driving While Incontinent
* FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
* FYI - Found Your Insulin
* LOL - Living on Lipitor
* TOT - Texting on Toilet
* WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
* ROFL...CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
Hope these help,
*GGLKI
Quote from: Janet Harrington on June 28, 2012, 03:12:41 PM
Jarhead, she is going to get you.
;D ;D ;D
I already did... He's a few watermelons short and his 'tamaters' were delicious!! Hey~~ a girl guarding melons with her melons had to have something to keep her energy up. Especially in this heat.. :)
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/69/Cast_01.JPG)
Andy Griffith died at age 86. I'm still a sucker when it comes to watching his re-runs on TVLand... some I know I've seen four or five times. It turns out, he was Moravian, a church with Reformation roots going back to John Hus, with a big influence of Lutheran Pietists.
..Warph (GGLKI)
From journalist Andrew Herrmann:
'Do the right thing' — Andy Griffith left lessons for the greater good
BY ANDREW HERRMANN July 4, 2012 6:00PM
http://www.suntimes.com/news/otherviews/13570545-452/do-the-right-thing-andy-griffith-left-lessons-for-the-greater-good.html
(http://kmsp.images.worldnow.com/images/18941927_BG1.jpg)
"Ahh . . . this is Andy Griffith. I'm looking for ah . . . Andrew Herrmann. Call me back?"
So went the voicemail Griffith left me back in the mid-1990s, when I was the religion reporter for the Chicago Sun-Times. I kept it for years, squirreled away in my saved-messages bank until the company switched phone systems and, alas, it was lost.
I liked to play it for people in the newsroom. Nothing to it really, but folks got a kick out of hearing the voice of an American icon.
Covering faith matters, I had reached out to Griffith because he had put out a new CD — that's how music used to come back then. It was a collection of traditional gospel songs he titled "I Love to Tell the Story." Griffith would kill time on the set of Matlock playing his guitar and singing; an impressed country star, Randy Travis, guest starring on one episode, put Griffith in touch with his music producer. The collection sold more than 1 million copies. "Mr. Jesus has let me become a singer again," Griffith said at the time.
On the God beat, I was always talking to interesting people about how religion shaped their lives — and not necessarily people you would normally connect with faith: Former Gov. Jim Edgar describing how, when he was a child, a Charleston church fed his family when they were broke and hungry.
(http://webspace.webring.com/people/ga/andygriffithparkway/barber_shop.jpg)
The founder of the Wendy's hamburger chain, Dave Thomas, explaining the "roll-up-your-sleeves" Christianity he learned from his Grandma Minnie.
Cubs pitcher Jose Bautista showing me the Star of David he wore around his neck and how his Judaism helped lift him during his up-and-down career.
Griffith's story was rooted in the Moravian Church, a Christian sect started in Eastern Europe that sent missionaries to the U.S. in the 1700s — one group founded Winston-Salem, N.C. As a teenager, Griffith was attracted to Grace Moravian Church in Mount Airy, N.C. because the minister gave music lessons. Grace had a brass band and Griffith wanted to play the trombone.
Griffith studied to become a Moravian clergyman at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and, after a semester or two, he asked his bishop if he could prepare for the ministry by majoring in music. The bishop said no.
Griffith dropped the idea of becoming a pastor, but he eventually took his brand of preaching to a different venue: "The Andy Griffith Show," a weekly, half-hour morality play about life in a small town.
(http://www.gbgm-umc.org/flagsprings/images/AndyGriffith.jpg)
There were winks and nods to his faith: The local All Souls Church was led by the Rev. Hobart M. Tucker — he of the unforgettable sermon: "Dice Are Loaded Against the Evil Doer." Another episode featured American and Russian diplomats meeting in the basement of Mayberry's Moravian Church.
On Tuesday, hours after the news of Griffith's death, Tony Haywarth, Grace Moravian Church's current pastor, put out a statement thanking God "for the place Andy has in our hearts, for his wonderful Christian ministry, and for the joy he continues to bring into this world."
Kathie D. Schoenborn, Grace's church secretary, told me she thought his brand of faith came through in his Mayberry character.
On the show "he was always trying to persuade people to do the right thing" — not just what was best for his character but for the greater good, she said.
Indeed — a message worth saving.
....Andrew Herrmann is editor in chief of Sun-Times Media's West Suburban Publishing Group.
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A Godfather in the mob finds out that his bookkeeper has stolen ten million bucks.
This bookkeeper happens to be deaf, so the Godfather brings along his 80 year old attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million dollars is hidden.
The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about." The old attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it and says: "Ask him again! The old attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"
The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"
The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"
The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his plane arrived there was a limousine there to transport him to his home.
As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver.
"You know" he said, "I am 87 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?"
The driver said, "No problem. Have at it."
Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off down the highway.
A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap.
The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone.
The trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo and he got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure.
The young trooper walked up to the driver's door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who was driving. He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor.
He told the supervisor, "I know we are supposed to enforce the law...But I also know that important people are given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person."
The supervisor asked, "Is it the Governor?"
The young trooper said, "No, he's more important than that."
The supervisor said, "Oh, so it's the President."
The young trooper said, "No, he's even more important than that."
The supervisor finally asked, "Well then, who is it?"
The young trooper said, "I think it's Jesus, because he's got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!"
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Quote from: Teresa on July 05, 2012, 02:32:53 PM
I already did... He's a few watermelons short and his 'tamaters' were delicious!! Hey~~ a girl guarding melons with her melons had to have something to keep her energy up. Especially in this heat.. :)
Smoke n mirrors... I asked your husband, and he said those were honey do melons... honey do this n honey do that!
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(http://assets.amuniversal.com/a79bbae0c10f012fdd6e001dd8b71c47?width=900.0)
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(http://assets.amuniversal.com/17465ad0c553012fdf11001dd8b71c47?width=750.0)
(http://assets.amuniversal.com/aa5a6660c10f012fdd6e001dd8b71c47?width=900.0)
(http://assets.amuniversal.com/ad9f1030c10f012fdd6e001dd8b71c47?width=900.0)
(http://assets.amuniversal.com/f0f5cdb0c2dd012fde07001dd8b71c47?width=900.0)
(http://assets.amuniversal.com/f675d9f0c2dd012fde07001dd8b71c47?width=900.0)
"Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
the last of life, for which the first was made:
Our times are in his hand who saith,
'A whole I planned,
youth shows but half;
Trust God: See all, nor be afraid!'"
....Robert Browning
(http://assets.amuniversal.com/b15fba40c10f012fdd6e001dd8b71c47?width=900.0)
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(http://assets.amuniversal.com/b4876b90c68f012fdf62001dd8b71c47?width=900.)
(http://assets.amuniversal.com/2aac3770c85e012fdff5001dd8b71c47?width=900.0)
Thanks Warph, I really enjoy this thread! ;) ;)
(http://assets.amuniversal.com/b804a880c68f012fdf62001dd8b71c47?width=900.0)
(http://www.creators.com/comics/1/95275_thumb.gif)
(http://assets.amuniversal.com/330779c0c85e012fdff5001dd8b71c47?width=900.0)
(http://assets.amuniversal.com/55903c70b7e2012fd8a3001dd8b71c47)
(http://assets.amuniversal.com/c1bc8060a37e012f2fe800163e41dd5b)
(http://suddenlysenior.com/Images/pickles-geezers.jpg)
Oldies, but goodies:
(http://joshreads.com/images/0503/i050312nonseq.jpg)
(http://joshreads.com/images/jla/0409/i040913nonseq.gif)
(http://joshreads.com/images/07/03/i070312nonseq.gif)
(http://joshreads.com/images/0603/everybodypoops.gif)
(http://joshreads.com/images/0603/i060313nonseq.gif)
(http://www.joshreads.com/images/0407/nonseq040711.gif)
(http://assets.amuniversal.com/db48b3f0cc0f012fe13a001dd8b71c47?width=900.0)
(http://assets.amuniversal.com/4ebd24b0cdde012fe1d2001dd8b71c47?width=900.0)
(http://www.arcamax.com/newspics/9/992/99208.gif)
(http://assets.amuniversal.com/d38446a0a2d8012f2fe800163e41dd5b?width=900.0)
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(http://assets.amuniversal.com/2c8aa430cddc012fe1d2001dd8b71c47?width=900.0)
(http://assets.amuniversal.com/7b9db6f0caf5012fe10f001dd8b71c47?width=750.)0
(http://assets.amuniversal.com/bc34bf90d5b2012fe58b001dd8b71c47?width=750.0)
(http://assets.amuniversal.com/e5b44760cc0f012fe13a001dd8b71c47?width=900.0)
(http://assets.amuniversal.com/e8710a40cc0f012fe13a001dd8b71c47?width=900.0)
(http://assets.amuniversal.com/325903c0cddc012fe1d2001dd8b71c47?width=900.0)
(http://assets.amuniversal.com/bb293ea0ce2a012fe216001dd8b71c47?width=453.0)
(http://assets.amuniversal.com/973cce10d5c4012fe598001dd8b71c47?width=900.0)
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(http://assets.amuniversal.com/1d95fb80d36b012fe477001dd8b71c47?width=900.0)
Warph, I really enjoy this thread, keep on keeping on. :-*
Me, too! My favorite comic strip is Pickles.....it reminds me of my folks.............LOL and other married couples................who will remain unknown..................LOL don't want a law-suit. LOL
(http://assets.amuniversal.com/05e2d850d190012fe3b8001dd8b71c47?width=900.0)
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Protecting the President
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(http://assets.amuniversal.com/5fd02f20ffaa012ff701001dd8b71c47?width=900.0)
(http://liberallogic101.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/liberal-logic-101-240.jpg?9d7bd4)
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(http://thehostages.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/uninstall.gif)
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