Author Topic: Stolen Joke  (Read 74615 times)

Offline Arcey

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Re: Stolen Joke
« Reply #40 on: April 25, 2013, 07:26:19 pm »
Heard folks say that. I weren’t there, dunno. Do know I’ve ne’er stole nobody’s hat. From there the fifth.





Pair of jumper cables walk inta a bar.

Bartender sez, ‘Y’all try’n start sumthin’ yer outta here!’
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Offline wildman1

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Re: Stolen Joke
« Reply #41 on: April 26, 2013, 07:47:15 am »
Termite walks inta a bar, says "where's the bar tender?" WM
WARTHOG, Dirty Rat #600, BOLD #1056, CGCS,GCSAA, NMLRA, NRA, AF&AM, CBBRC.  If all that cowboy has ever seen is a stockdam, he ain't gonna believe ya when ya tell him about whales.

Offline Major 2

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Re: Stolen Joke
« Reply #42 on: April 26, 2013, 09:50:42 am »
bar jokes huh ?

A string coils in a bar and orders a drink

Barkeeps says "we don't serve string in here"

So the string leaves....

but the next day,  he's back all twisted and shreaded and wadded up.

again he orders a drink ,

Barkeep shouts " I DON"T SERVE STRING " !

String yells back  " WHY ? "

Barkeep yells " Your a dam STRING !


String yells back ( wait for it )





" I"M   a fraid not    !
when planets align...do the deal !

Offline Leo Tanner

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Re: Stolen Joke
« Reply #43 on: April 26, 2013, 11:07:16 am »
Little gal walks into a department store an heads fer the kitchen section.

A clerk approaches her and asks if he can help.

She says, "I need one of those things that keeps hot things hot and cold things cold:

Clerk asks if she means a Thermos.

Gal says, "I dunno, as long as it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold".

Wanting to make sure he gets her the right item he asks her what she is planning to put in it.




She answers him,  "Two cups of coffee an a popsicle".
"When you have to shoot, shoot.  Don't talk."
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"Every man steps in the manure now an again, trick is not ta stick yer foot in yer mouth afterward"

religio SENIOR est exordium of scientia : tamen fossor contemno sapientia quod instruction.

Offline Arcey

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Re: Stolen Joke
« Reply #44 on: April 26, 2013, 07:06:29 pm »
Or the 88 fan what asked the chicky babe behind the counter it Dunkin Donuts how many cups his thermos would hold.

She tells ‘im five.

He hands it to 'er 'n tells ‘er he wants two black, two with cream ‘n sugar ‘n one with milk ‘n two packets of Sweet ‘n Low………………………
Honorary Life Member of the Pungo Posse. Badge #1. An honor bestowed by the posse. Couldn’t be more proud or humbled.

All I did was name it ‘n get it started. The posse made it great. A debt I can never repay. Thank you, mi amigos.

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Re: Stolen Joke
« Reply #45 on: Today at 09:00:45 am »

Offline litl rooster

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Re: Stolen Joke
« Reply #45 on: April 30, 2013, 06:32:07 pm »





A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that on average Americans drink 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that the average American gets about 41 miles to the gallon!

Makes you damned proud to be an American! 
Mathew 5.9

Offline Arcey

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Re: Stolen Joke
« Reply #46 on: June 07, 2013, 06:30:18 am »
Ole boy walks into an antique store and see's this brass rat sitting on a shelf. He can't keep his eyes off it, he has to have it. So he picks it up brings it to the counter and asks the clerk "how much". The clerk tells him, "that there's gonna run you $200."

"Derned expensive fer a brass rat but I gotta have it.”

As the ole boy is leaving the antique store the clerk sez fer ‘nother $100 ‘e’d tell ‘im the tale of the brass."

The ole boy tells ‘im where he kin put ‘is story ‘n leaves.
 
As ‘e walks along, ‘e notices he has five rats following him. He thinks to himself that this is strange but don’t pay it any mind so he walks two more blocks towards his house ‘n notices he has a hundred rats following him. Now he starts to run as fast as he can ‘n soon he has all the rats in the city following him ‘n he panics. So he gets to a bridge ‘n throws the brass rat over ‘n all the rats in the city jump in after it and drown.
 
The ole boy goes back to the antique dealer huffin’ ‘n puffin’, whips open the door. The clerk says, "So now you want to hear the tale of the brass rat huh?" ‘n the ole boy replies, "Hell no man! Wonderin’ if you had any brass democrats."
Honorary Life Member of the Pungo Posse. Badge #1. An honor bestowed by the posse. Couldn’t be more proud or humbled.

All I did was name it ‘n get it started. The posse made it great. A debt I can never repay. Thank you, mi amigos.

Offline litl rooster

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Re: Stolen Joke
« Reply #47 on: June 07, 2013, 06:34:24 am »
 ;D
Mathew 5.9

Offline Major 2

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Re: Stolen Joke
« Reply #48 on: June 07, 2013, 07:54:23 am »
I love IT !  ;D
when planets align...do the deal !

Offline Forty Rod

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Re: Stolen Joke
« Reply #49 on: June 07, 2013, 09:22:29 am »
Well, did he?  Get any brass Democrats, I mean.   ;D
People like me are the reason people like you have the right to bitch about people like me.

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Re: Stolen Joke
« Reply #50 on: Today at 09:00:45 am »

Offline Arcey

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Re: Stolen Joke
« Reply #50 on: June 07, 2013, 12:31:31 pm »
Obviously, if ‘e did ‘e ain’t tossed it in the drink yet. Still hearin’ the grifters on the news……..
Honorary Life Member of the Pungo Posse. Badge #1. An honor bestowed by the posse. Couldn’t be more proud or humbled.

All I did was name it ‘n get it started. The posse made it great. A debt I can never repay. Thank you, mi amigos.

Offline Mogorilla

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Re: Stolen Joke
« Reply #51 on: June 07, 2013, 01:15:57 pm »
Funny,
1. I know how to fold a fitted sheet, it looks like all the rest.  This is my super power, my wife is in awe, and it is a great plus when I do something stupid, I go fold a sheet and I am forgiven.

2.  I had trouble in grade school, Cursive writting was totally not what I thought it was.   I met the "board of education" for that one!

Here is my stolen one, from Buddy Hackett.

A Giraffe walks into a bar, says "Hi-balls are on me."  :o

Offline litl rooster

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Re: Stolen Joke
« Reply #52 on: June 07, 2013, 03:08:10 pm »
I loved the humor of Buddy Hackett
Mathew 5.9

Offline Mean Bob Mean

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Re: Stolen Joke
« Reply #53 on: June 07, 2013, 09:00:52 pm »
Here's my stolen joke:

Two old friends sitting in a bar.  One smiles, points at a couple of old drunks and says "Boy, if we're not carfeul, that will be us in a few years."

His friend says:  "Look again.  That's a mirror."
"We tried a desperate game and lost. But we are rough men used to rough ways, and we will abide by the consequences."
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Offline The Trinity Kid

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Re: Stolen Joke
« Reply #54 on: June 09, 2013, 12:05:30 am »
Two drunks run into a bar.  One looks at the other and says, "ouch."

--TK
"Nobody who has not been up in the sky on a glorious morning can possibly imagine the way a pilot feels in free heaven." William T. Piper


   I was told recently that I'm "livelier than a one-legged man at a butt-kicking contest."    Is that an insult or a compliment?

Offline Arcey

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Re: Stolen Joke
« Reply #55 on: June 09, 2013, 07:24:12 am »
Annie Candish goes to Father O'Day after his Sunday morning service and she's in tears. 

"What's bothering you, Annie my dear?"

"Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."

"Oh, Annie, that's terrible. Tell me, did he have any last words?"

"That he did, Father. That he did."

"What did he say, Annie?"

"He said, 'Please Annie, put that damn shotgun down!'"
Honorary Life Member of the Pungo Posse. Badge #1. An honor bestowed by the posse. Couldn’t be more proud or humbled.

All I did was name it ‘n get it started. The posse made it great. A debt I can never repay. Thank you, mi amigos.

Offline Major 2

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Re: Stolen Joke
« Reply #56 on: June 09, 2013, 07:41:02 am »
A guy is sitting in chair in front of the TV,  his wife walks in and hits him over the head with frying pan.

He staggers to his feet, says "what the hell was that for ? "

She said "I found the note in your dirty pants pocket with Jeanette written all over it..... >:( "

he says " dang woman, that's the name of the Horse I bet on last weekend !"

The wife is all apologetic , and fixes his favorite dinner to make up.

The next night , she brains him with an even bigger frying pan...

when he comes to,  he sputters out " what the Hell, woman ? "

She say's......... "Your horse just called ! "
when planets align...do the deal !

Offline litl rooster

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Re: Stolen Joke
« Reply #57 on: June 23, 2013, 12:31:41 pm »
Obama and Eric Holder are on a boat at sea. The boat begins to sink, who is saved?












The United States
Mathew 5.9

Offline Arcey

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Re: Stolen Joke
« Reply #58 on: June 23, 2013, 01:18:26 pm »
Hearin’ Anthony Weiner’s gonna wanna run for president. Wants Eric Holder fer ‘is VP.

Bumper stickers’ll read ’Vote The Weiner Holder Ticket in ’16’
Honorary Life Member of the Pungo Posse. Badge #1. An honor bestowed by the posse. Couldn’t be more proud or humbled.

All I did was name it ‘n get it started. The posse made it great. A debt I can never repay. Thank you, mi amigos.

Offline The Trinity Kid

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Re: Stolen Joke
« Reply #59 on: June 23, 2013, 04:33:40 pm »
"If your brain was gunpowder and it blew up, your hair wouldn't even ruffle, you SOB."
      Calamity Jane. 8)

--TK
"Nobody who has not been up in the sky on a glorious morning can possibly imagine the way a pilot feels in free heaven." William T. Piper


   I was told recently that I'm "livelier than a one-legged man at a butt-kicking contest."    Is that an insult or a compliment?

 

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