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GENERAL TOPICS => Tall Tales => Topic started by: Aces and Eights on April 19, 2005, 10:41:17 PM

Title: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: Aces and Eights on April 19, 2005, 10:41:17 PM
A: Why would you care but,
B: Send 'em the following, which a "friend" posted to my comments on another board and I told him I would steal it -----------------------------------------------


You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As they say in Texas, I'll bet you couldn't pour p!ss out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you.

You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell? Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly. You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood.

May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you.

You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper. On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool.

You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me.

After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh. The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of what you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say anything.

Your attempt at constructing a creative post was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, and generally Not Good.

Begone and never pollute our ether with your presence again
Title: Re: W3G - What is up with people?
Post by: Micheal Fortune on April 20, 2005, 12:07:27 PM
Are you having a bad day A&E?
Feel better getting that off your chest? ;)
Title: Re: W3G - What is up with people?
Post by: Russ T Chambers on April 20, 2005, 02:14:37 PM
A&E, other than that, how do you really feel about it?   ??? ::) ;D ;D
Title: Re: W3G - What is up with people?
Post by: Joyce (AnnieLee) on April 20, 2005, 02:56:51 PM
Ahhh... the compendium of effluent insults. I love it! Wait a sec, I remember that one segment, I posted that about seven years ago to get rid of a troll!! :)

And you forgot this one:

"You are the defective result of your mother's sexual congress with pigs, dogs, and other barnyard animals."

:D

AnnieLee (won't be long until this one goes to Tall Tales... )

Avid supporter and badge wearing member of W3G.
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: Four-Eyed Buck on April 20, 2005, 06:20:56 PM
well, you were right, Annie. Here it is............Buck 8) ::) :o :o ;)
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: Delmonico on April 20, 2005, 07:00:11 PM
Banished afore I even had a chance.   ;D ;D  I like my one sentance rants a little better, but it's good.
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: Joyce (AnnieLee) on April 20, 2005, 07:57:37 PM
But what happened to SYB's original post about W3G? I can't find it now!

Another:

"You, sir, perform unspeakable acts on scabrous body parts because you like the roughage."

Gotta say it with a sweet smile.

:D

AnnieLee
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: El Peludo on April 20, 2005, 09:09:18 PM
 :o  Ewwwwwww! :-X
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: Scattered Thumbs on April 21, 2005, 02:58:29 AM
I had to save this. It's enlightening.  ;D
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: Joyce (AnnieLee) on April 21, 2005, 07:22:42 AM
"His brain has the nimbleness of a quadriplegic."

< Couldn't help it >

:D

AnnieLee
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: Bushwack Bill on June 22, 2005, 08:14:51 AM
Here's one:  Tell me.  Did you think that up your self, or did you get taught that?  It's obvious that you were taught that since you have neither the breeding or inteligence to think of something like that on your own.
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: Forty Rod on June 22, 2005, 05:12:33 PM
You reinforce my belief in reincarnation.  In some former life you must certainly have been part of a horse.
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: Old Top on June 23, 2005, 02:46:45 AM
But Forty,

You are not identifying which part of the horse.   ;D ;D ;D

Old Top
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: litl rooster on June 23, 2005, 04:51:46 AM
 ;D :o  Jeeze I'm sorry didn't know I rubbed ya all that way ??? ::)
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: Forty Rod on June 23, 2005, 11:09:43 AM
Didn't rub me at all, LR...just adding a good, general purpose insult to the mix.

Old Top, you KNOW which part to which I have previously referred.  (There's a sentence that would have poor old Miss Morrell spinning in her casket.)
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: Calamity Jane on June 23, 2005, 07:59:49 PM
Some of my favorites:

He's dumber than a sack of hammers

Don't have the sense God gave a rock

If brains waz gunpowder, he couldn't blow his nose
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: litl rooster on June 24, 2005, 07:58:55 AM
In reference to being slow'

He's so slow it takes him a  hour and a half to watch 60 minutes

living in the south this fits many here.
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: Forty Rod on June 24, 2005, 10:07:11 AM
If they stuffed his brain up a bumblebee's butt it would rattle like a BB in a boxcar.
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: Trinity on June 24, 2005, 10:12:48 PM
In reference to being slow'

He's so slow it takes him a  hour and a half to watch 60 minutes

living in the south this fits many here.

Oh, Ah've known mah share of Yankees that fit that dee-scription too, ol' pard. ;)
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: litl rooster on June 26, 2005, 07:35:43 PM
 ;D Trinty your right my son-in-law may fit that also. ;D
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: Joyce (AnnieLee) on August 08, 2005, 02:25:23 PM
"He was so hyper he made a Jack Russell Terrier look comatose."
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: Camille Eonich on August 08, 2005, 02:51:59 PM
 :o

What the heck is going on down here?
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: Four-Eyed Buck on August 08, 2005, 03:34:07 PM
Practice.......Buck 8) :o ;) ::)
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: litl rooster on August 08, 2005, 06:13:34 PM
"He was so hyper he made a Jack Russell Terrier look comatose."


I would love to see that
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: Delmonico on August 08, 2005, 07:52:33 PM
Yer Mother is an Army boot. ;D  Yer Daddy was a sneaker.  Yer a penny loafer. :o
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: Joyce (AnnieLee) on August 08, 2005, 08:33:33 PM
Interpretation


Nick and Marianne joined their friends at the restaurant. Several cocktails later, Nick proclaimed to his buddies, "She calls me the 'Jack Hammer'! How about that!" His face shone with pride.


Marianne leaned to whisper to Beth. "He thought I was talking about his stamina and prowess, but I was referring to his lack of finesse!"

:D

AnnieLee
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: Forty Rod on August 08, 2005, 09:05:23 PM
My friend, 75 years old, has a Jack Russell terrorist (his term, not mine) that has a personality like a horsefly.  Dang dog sleeps at fifty miles an hour.  He doesn't need that aggravation.

His wife thinks it's cute to give the mutt coffee, as if she needs to be more hyper.

I went to sit on their couch one afternoon.  In the time it took me to complete sitting down, Schatzie crossed the room, jumped on the couch, and managed to get sat on.  Now she sits in the corner and growls at me.
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: Four-Eyed Buck on August 08, 2005, 09:21:34 PM
Sounds about right.........Buck 8) ::) ;)
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: Joyce (AnnieLee) on August 08, 2005, 10:10:55 PM
Forty Fonzai, I got the perfect mental image of that, complete with her crinkled muzzle as she growls. Think she did that on purpose?

:D

AnnieLee
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: gophergrease on August 08, 2005, 10:24:12 PM
I see you have inherited the worst , from ALL the men that could be your father!
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: Forty Rod on August 08, 2005, 11:42:01 PM
I'm told that she wanted to jump in my lap and probably misjudged.  She's almost blind from catarracts and glaucoma.  Poor critter.
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: Joyce (AnnieLee) on August 09, 2005, 05:59:48 AM
I'm told that she wanted to jump in my lap and probably misjudged.  She's almost blind from catarracts and glaucoma.  Poor critter.

I just woke up and the above post was at the top of a new page. Taking it out of context of the previous posts, I thought it was a new insult!

D'oh!


:D

But Gopher Grease's is a real slammer.

 :o

AnnieLee
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: Joyce (AnnieLee) on September 24, 2005, 10:11:53 PM
He thought he had a sharklike quick and cutting wit, but alas, the reality was he barely made it to the level of a lamprey.

AnnieLee
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: Marshal harpoluke on September 24, 2005, 10:35:14 PM
Did your mother have any children that lived?
Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: WolfWood on September 27, 2005, 01:33:04 AM
Here's a few of my fav's <G>

You have all the wit and charm of a public urinal cake,
 But do you know the difference between you and a urinal cake??
 The urinal cake actually serve a purpose.

You must have taken great pains, sir; for you could not naturally have been so very stupid.

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it.

Nothing sways the stupid more than arguments they can't understand.

Ordinarily he's is insane. But he has lucid moments when he's only stupid.

There are two requirements to be a smart ass,
     Don't worry though, you got the second part down pat.

Thank you, we're all challenged by your unique point of insanity.

You wouldn't be intelligent enough to understand anything that I would be stupid enough to tell you anyways.

Sir, if I said anything to offend you, please believe me when i say, I meant it.

Title: Re: The compendium of effluent insults
Post by: The Arapaho Kid on September 27, 2005, 11:12:50 PM
(http://img398.imageshack.us/img398/6160/groucho1fg.gif)
I NEVER FORGET A FACE, BUT IN YOUR CASE...I'LL BE GLAD TO MAKE AN EXCEPTION!