Cas City Forum Hall & CAS-L

GENERAL TOPICS => Tall Tales => Topic started by: Drydock on October 08, 2004, 03:41:40 AM

Title: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Drydock on October 08, 2004, 03:41:40 AM
Please comment.  I want all the feedback I can get.  I have been encouraged to, and hope to publish this when done.  This was begun over on TFS, and continues here.  It starts rather abrupt, as I had not saved the first few entries, and intended to rewrite those anyway.
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Winston Dawg on October 08, 2004, 06:57:47 AM
 Finally! Was having story withdrawal!
  Sorry about Sam.  WD
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Stoney Pete on October 12, 2004, 08:35:25 AM
I did not know this was here.  I sent you an email pard.  You got a real nack for the written word.  You gotta finish this.  I mean this is classic cowboy.  Does he save the girl????????????  Tune in next time.

Well HURRY UP WITH NEXT TIME.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stoney (what's gotta do something at verk) Pete
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Winston Dawg on October 16, 2004, 10:17:33 PM
MORE!
 How that for  comment?
Hugs Wd
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Brazos Bucky Smith on October 17, 2004, 01:08:54 AM
Drydock mi compadre,

Your writing matches any adventure, techno, saga, I've read! ;D  As I said in my e-mail, I was of the opinion that it was a published work and I wanted to know where to go get it.  Good luck in getting a publisher, 'cause I want to read the completed work! ;) believe, my friend, I sat and read from your starting to the end of what you have on CAS-City, thats how good I thought it was!

BB ;)
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Stoney Pete on October 18, 2004, 04:41:13 AM
The did what to her? >:( >:( >:(

Can we go back to the moutains, revive them and kill them again, then revive them just so we can kill them again?  and again and again?

You invoking strong emotion pard.  Keep it comming.
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: El Peludo on October 19, 2004, 07:42:59 PM
Well, Sarge, you had me hooked by the second or third installment.  This is good.  Keep up the good work.  And, watch your own backside, over there; and get home safe.
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: El Peludo on October 30, 2004, 02:45:15 PM
  ;)  ;D

Okay!  Now you really went and did it!  As I read todays episode, my gut got all tingly, and tightened up as if it was me in that cockpit.  What a thrill.  Now what !?! !?! !?!   ;D
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Brazos Bucky Smith on October 30, 2004, 07:37:40 PM
Yep, I too keep checkin' for the next installment! :o  I will be lookin' forward to your description and tidbits of history on the P-40.  Great looking warbird, but most of what I've read about it was that it was overshadowed by the zero, P-38 Lightning, the F-4U Corsair, P-51 Mustang, etc. etc. I'd like to hear some good things about it!!  Also, is the budding relationship between Tip and Helene over with his escape?  Hmmmm, have to wait and see!  Great story!

BB  ;)
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Stoney Pete on November 05, 2004, 12:07:28 PM
modern day dog fight.   ;D ;D

Keep it up.
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: El Peludo on November 12, 2004, 12:32:42 AM
Yee-haa!!!

Glad to see you're back, Sarge.  This has really got me goin', here. 8) ;D
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: El Peludo on November 18, 2004, 12:22:53 PM
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D  That Mustang is a worry, though.  >:( >:(
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Brazos Bucky Smith on November 18, 2004, 06:18:31 PM
 ;D ;D ;D use to be I check CAS-City first thing, now its even better, first thing I check is to see if you have a new installment! ;D ;D  Then I read it!  Hey, you would not have an evil streak in ya?  Like, we be readin' this exciting story and you get close to the end and then say "To be continued, read the book!" ha ha ::)

BB ;)
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Frenchie on November 18, 2004, 08:35:00 PM
One more and he makes Ace! If he gets the Warhawk down in one piece, the kill markings ought to be really interesting.
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Stoney Pete on November 19, 2004, 04:13:05 AM
Keep it comming pard.  I won't be in here for a week cause I'm doing the vacation thing.  Feel free to finish this while I'm gone.  Hint hint. ;D


And Bucky, that is not even a funny.   Don't be giving him any ideas.
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Drydock on November 19, 2004, 09:37:52 AM
Oh, you'll get the complete story here.  But I warn you, if this gets published, the off line version has been editied.  Clean up and details for the most part, but its fun to read the on line version and compare it to the edited off line story and see the different touchs.

It'll be 5 Iranian Peacocks BTW.  The stylized bird that sits at the center of the Iranian flag.
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Tensleep on November 19, 2004, 07:18:10 PM
So.............
yer not there yet? ;)
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Drydock on November 21, 2004, 04:57:45 AM
Workin' on it. . . :P
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Brazos Bucky Smith on November 22, 2004, 01:02:08 AM
 ;D ;D ;D

I betcha, I betcha, Tip gets the girl somehow!! ;)  He does doesn't he? :o :o  One thing we do know, he's lost a lot of his own blood in this story! :o

keep the story comin' and most importantly keep your head down!

BB :)
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: El Peludo on November 24, 2004, 10:18:52 AM
Well, I want to say "WHEW" here, but something tells me the last shoe has not yet dropped.  Good story; keep it up.  And, THANKS.   ;D ;) :)
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Scattered Thumbs on November 25, 2004, 08:43:26 AM
Excellent story and very well written. Definetely worth publishing.
Hope you manage to get it published.


PS Please don't leave us in mid air  ;)
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Stoney Pete on November 30, 2004, 12:01:29 PM
You did not forget the girl. :D ;D :D ;D

If you mangage to get her out of the country and into the rednecks arms again, the romantic in me will be eternally greatful.
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: El Peludo on November 30, 2004, 09:52:13 PM
 :D

Stony Pete, this is beginin' to sound like the fan mail for a soap opera.  I'm right there with you on this, by-the-way.   ;D
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Drydock on November 30, 2004, 11:16:24 PM
Lord amighty, who da thunk there'd be so many consarned romantics under them cowboy hats!   ::)
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Brazos Bucky Smith on December 01, 2004, 06:52:00 PM
 ;) Whewy!  Glad there is more, I thought you were going to end it with Tip on the ground and the General shooting the Imam.  Kinda like letting us figure the ending.  But no, thanks for continuing on.  I and these here cowboys figure you got a future as a writer! ;)

Brazos ;D
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Stoney Pete on December 12, 2004, 05:59:08 AM
You brought her back fast with out waisting my reading time with military red tape.  Yet you did not spoon feed me by having him waiting for her train.  A nice balance that I really enjoyed. 

I await your next installment.
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Drydock on December 12, 2004, 09:54:29 AM
Sorry Pete, thats it!  :o  Maybe someday I'll write a companion piece, but right now I'm starting research on my next work. 
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: El Peludo on December 12, 2004, 01:00:42 PM
 ;) ;D

Excellent way to end it!  I really do like happy endings.  Well done.

How about the real life Chief?  When is he going to come home?  I hope he does not do it in so dramatic or traumatic fashion.  Take good care.
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Old Top on December 12, 2004, 04:26:01 PM
Drydock,

Ok I am missing something here what is the shovel for, enjoyed the story quite a bit hope to see it in print.  Yes I know you hate to explain when things should be clear to the reader.

Old Top
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Brazos Bucky Smith on December 13, 2004, 12:18:12 AM
 ;) Wells, I think her involvment started out with her following Tip after the bad guys (terrorists) who killed the villagers that helped him.  She carried a shovel to bury him after he'd be kilt 'cause there were to many of the bad guys! :o  Well there weren't and he got away. 8)  She just wants to have the last laugh on him, when she shows up and makes him swallow his chew, heh heh heh! ;D

Brazos  :D
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Drydock on December 13, 2004, 06:59:09 AM
Thats right folks, the first time she went into the mountains after him, she took a shovel "Then I will bury him".  Recovering in Shiraz, she mentioned it as well, ("I brought a shovel.") making him gag.  He later joked with her about it. ("Maybe you'll finaly get to bury me.")  There's a bit of Shakespeare in it as well:  "I come not to praise Ceasar, but to bury him."

Due back September 05, due to retire then after 20 years Naval Service.  Heading up to Kuwait in a couple of days for 2 weeks, to train reservists in boat operations.  Christmas in a desert tent this year.

I've been approached by the Army about a possible conversion, perhaps a warrent Commission.  Be another 3 years most likely, with a tour in Iraq.  Thinkin' about it. . .
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Stoney Pete on December 13, 2004, 10:03:09 AM
 I understood the significance of the shovel, just did not realize you wasn't bringing us along on her search for him.  I've heard it said, "Leave 'em wanting more."    I want more.  Great ending though.  It's one that allows the reader to use his/her own imagination.

I wish you all the best in your retirement or conversion decisions.  I hope to see more stories from you in the future.
Title: Re: "Anachronisem" Feedback - commentary encouraged!
Post by: Brazos Bucky Smith on December 14, 2004, 01:35:01 PM
Howdy Drydock,

I'll second that!  Enjoy whatever you decide to do! wether it is three more years of Military life (or more), civilian life in retirement, or writting.  but for us, keep writting, I too, will be looking for your future books.  Merry Christmas  ;) to all of you serving in that theater!  God bless you all.

Brazos