Cas City Forum Hall & CAS-L
GENERAL TOPICS => Tall Tales => Topic started by: Delmonico on May 27, 2006, 10:20:07 AM
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I done got my eddy-cation there, wanna see my dip-plo-ma. :o
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I need sum skol learnin's
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Wa'll hour freind 10ZZZZZ kan halp uss wit lernin' hee iz A teecher.
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I got my eddukashun thayr tou. Im rittin a buk about it called A More Better Way to Gooder Inglish.
Im allredy wurkin on a seekwell called What Skool Learned Me.
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with arm raised up in the air and a hand a wavn'.....teach teacher!.......what time do we go to lunch?
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Afore I came hea I couldn't even spel gratuit. Now I is one. ;D
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It would appear that the students of this institution of learning
lack the ability to absorb the education provided and at the same time
continue on their slide downhilll.
As hard as it is to believe, most of these misplaced scholars started at the bottom
and have gone down.
The first lesson that they need to comprehend is,
"When you are in a hole with no way out, STOP DIGGING!!!!"
;D
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butt yoo tolt us that wee could dig a whole to Chinny. ;D
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How many more years will I be in this grade?
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I sed, "Dig ah hole lookin' for broke chinna"
Roo, Yer Valdicktorian o' first grade, what more do ya want?
;D
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I quit. Trinty broke my crayons and stole my tinker toys.
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"Tain't fair, he's the teecher's pet, he gots it 3 yeers in a row. ;D
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"Tain't fair, he's the teecher's pet, he gots it 3 yeers in a row. ;D
Yeah..........Trinity thinks he's so smug when he leaves the Teechr a Jar of water on his desk every morn'n
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Yeah..........Trinity thinks he's so smug when he leaves the Teechr a Jar of water on his desk every morn'n
;D :D ;D
Dat ain't Water. :o
;D
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Hey lookit Teechur 10zzzz got us a new book Whoked on Pohonics! He sez its tha newest edjamacashunal tool!
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I hate 3rd grade.................dem other kids is much big'r than me >:(
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I hate 3rd grade.................dem other kids is much big'r than me >:(
That's 'cuz you is smokin' them dang ceegars!
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Whar'z ma shovil an pale?
Slim
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Careful Slim, someun's cat pooped in the zand boxx. ::)
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Eeeeeeeeeeeeew!
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If we can catch it we can skin it and give the hide to Cammie. ;D
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I'll put out a trap. ;D
Slim
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You boys is in trouble now....
School board jist named Camille Super-in-ten-dent!
:D
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wel thats fine. All tell her what a fine job ya did teachin' us to skin cats. :D
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wel thats fine. All tell her what a fine job ya did teachin' us to skin cats. :D
She knows better. If yer lucky she woan turn ScrewLoosey on ya, thet cat wood tear you boys up.
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I likes Kats ::) ::) ::)
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If ya cook em right. My wife tolt me about "Maynard" a friend of her's cat, hates everyone, went to Dianes's house Maynard came out, looked me over and
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Crawled up in my lap, lay down and purred. Their mouth's dropped to the floor. ;D I'm good with cats, Angel, my wife's cat watches me make coffe in the mornin' and won't say a word about her empty bowl till I turn the pot on and walk away. She knows if she meows before she has to wait till after I have my first cup or longer. ;D
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If ya cook em right. My wife tolt me about "Maynard" a friend of her's cat, hates everyone, went to Dianes's house Maynard came out, looked me over and
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Crawled up in my lap, lay down and purred. Their mouth's dropped to the floor. ;D I'm good with cats, Angel, my wife's cat watches me make coffe in the mornin' and won't say a word about her empty bowl till I turn the pot on and walk away. She knows if she meows before she has to wait till after I have my first cup or longer. ;D
Sucker!!!!! :D
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Cats are trainable and gullible, rita's friends are horrified cause I say, "here kitty kitty and she runs up and lets me swat here with a fly swatter." ;D One gal I knew I could shock, I one time was sittin' on the floor, took out my pocket knife and said, "Angel come here let's show Dawn there is more than one way to skin a cat", she came runnin. ;D
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Went to a client's house one night. The guy goes to get his wife and when they came back I had their twenty five pound tomcat in my lap. The lady squealed, "What did you do to Tony?" The cat looked at me with an apologetic look, swatted feebly at me, and went back to being rubbed.
The guy told ne he couldn't pet the cat, his wife couldn't pet the cat, his two oldest kids couldn't pet the cat. Seems their little girl and his mom-in-law were the only people could until I came a long.
I get along with most animals......'cept humans and spiders.
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I get along with most animals......'cept humans and spiders.
Hey Forty.....What's that crawln' on yer hat?
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A human! ;D
Slim
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Better dang well be a spider...it don't get the local badges all het up if I kill one o' them eight-legged varmints, but they get downright unpolite if you kill a human person, even if he is walkin' on your hat.
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I get along better with animals than I do people. Del, my cats don't come to "here kitty" they have never heard it. We whistle for them. People think it's weird. Scroo Loosey fetches. The other two don't do anything. :D
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Got to get me a Black Lab again, them dang cats never do much, they is kinda worthless!!!!! Do you ever see a "Seeing Eye Cat" leadin' a blind person? Do you ever see a "Drug Sniffin' Cat" going through a car on the side of the road? A "Police Cat"? Try to get a danged cat to go fetch a duck out of a cold pond. A team of cats winnin' the Ididarod? They is worthless. ;D
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Got to get me a Black Lab again, them dang cats never do much, they is kinda worthless!!!!! Do you ever see a "Seeing Eye Cat" leadin' a blind person? Do you ever see a "Drug Sniffin' Cat" going through a car on the side of the road? A "Police Cat"? Try to get a danged cat to go fetch a duck out of a cold pond. A team of cats winnin' the Ididarod? They is worthless. ;D
You don't do stuff like that why in the heck do you expect a cat too? Smart enough to lay around and sleep all day, get fed whenever they want feeding and get thier ears rubbed when THEY want them rubbed.
I'm gonna get me a basset hound when we move though. They is purdy cat like too. :D
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That's only cuz some humans er dumber thin cats are.....
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Some? Arcey, you gotta get out more.
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I wuz bein' nice......................
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I brought 2 katz home today..they ain't come out from behind the Hot water heatr, since I let them out of the trap.....I mean cage....yeah cage ;D
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I'll bring the Kin-Chee, you want to skin them or shall we let Cammie. ::)
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Cammie sits and listens, polishing up her horseshoes.
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Have you got a note-e-fi-cat-ion that lights up when I mention skinnin' cats.
What size and stye horseshoe do you use, I might be able to get ya a good deal on a case. ::)
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I'll bring the Kin-Chee, you want to skin them or shall we let Cammie. ::)
Nah Del, I am going to train the yallar one to head and the ugly yallar one to heal, Me and Pea Eye will just sit under a tree and watch.
Mz. Cammie, could I interest you in a keg of used shoes..Some is pretty gamey they's the one that came off the race ponies ;D ;D ;D
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I gotmy own steekin' horse shoes. They came from Autralia. Texas Tall helped me out with them. I throw them, they hit their mark and then they come back to me. :D
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I gotmy own steekin' horse shoes. They came from Autralia. Texas Tall helped me out with them. I throw them, they hit their mark and then they come back to me. :D
;D ;D
I had a australian kat once kept throw'n it out and kept comin back
me thinks I might dig the hole a little bit deeper after that one
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I gotta cat whut has got 6 toes on each front foot, like an opposing thumb. I keep running him off and he comes back everyday at feedin' time. >:(
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Them are "Gamer" horseshoes, we's talkin' real horseshoes. ;D
<Wish I had a dollar fer everyone who has came in and asked, "Are those real horseshoes?" And I wish I had a dollar fer everytime I wanted to say, "No and those are also fake horseshoe nails, rasps, trimmers, shoe puller and other assorted misc. includin' the shoeing hammers." ::) Boss says I can't get in trouble fer thinkin' it." ;D>
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Them are "Gamer" horseshoes, we's talkin' real horseshoes. ;D
<Wish I had a dollar fer everyone who has came in and asked, "Are those real horseshoes?" And I wish I had a dollar fer everytime I wanted to say, "No and those are also fake horseshoe nails, rasps, trimmers, shoe puller and other assorted misc. includin' the shoeing hammers." ::) Boss says I can't get in trouble fer thinkin' it." ;D>
;D :D ;D
"What kinda flowers do Ya wan't at da funeral, lilies, er roses?"
"personally Ah use Klaidesdale shoes, they huge nearly a foot across, kinda the T-Rex of horseshoes." :o
heh, Heh, HEH!
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We call them #8 Draft Shoes, there ain't no such thing as a Clydesdale shoe, ya better stick ta sheep, they don't need shooed 'cept over a cliff. ;D
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These are real horseshoes.
Camille hits Arcey upside the head with one of her horseshoes.
Ain't they Arcey? :o
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Teeeecher I smell a steekin' sheep (spit)
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Teeeecher I smell a steekin' sheep (spit)
This ain't no place for stinkin' pasture maggots <spit>
They belong in tha mountains o' DAMN I DOAN KNOW WHERE!!
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Delmonico pulls down 10zzz's map of EEEuuurooopeee and gets the pointy stick and shows them Spain. ;D
He, put the sheep here, far enough away we don't have to smell them. Then they can ship the wool to England and then ship the shirts to us. They won't stink by then. ;D
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;D
Marshal Who is riding through, drops of a hundred weight of Homini Chicken scratch for LR, Da Sheep steps on Tensleeps foot N look Him right in Da eye, moves on. :o
Da Sheep, Gives Delmonico a big slopy kiss, moves on, levin little green round things behind. ;D
;D :D ;D
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These are real horseshoes.
Camille hits Arcey upside the head with one of her horseshoes.
Ain't they Arcey?
Sorry, Cammy. Ya say sumthin'? Weren't listenin'....
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Sorry, Cammy. Ya say sumthin'? Weren't listenin'....
Gotta ringin' in yer ears do ya?
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Hey how do you stop the ringin' in yer ears, I've had it for 25 years. ;D
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Camille hits Del upside the head with a horseshoe.
Does that help? :D
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Nope, there is a fancy term fer it Tinnitis or sumthin; like that, it means yer is is all messed up from too much noise. ;D
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Camille hits Del again.
You sure that don't help? "Cause I figure if it kin cause it that it can make it go away too. ;D
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Camille hits Del again.
You sure that don't help? "Cause I figure if it kin cause it that it can make it go away too. ;D
;D :D ;D
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Del, I been tryin' to call you. Don't you hear that ringin'?
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Del, I been tryin' to call you. Don't you hear that ringin'?
Shhhh Forty. He thinks that's all in his head. :D ::) I'm heppin' him get rid of it.
Do me a favor and go call again. :D
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Shhhh Forty. He thinks that's all in his head. :D ::) I'm heppin' him get rid of it.
Do me a favor and go call again. :D
;D
Ring, Ring, ring. "Hello", "Ya don't say, *&^%, Ya don't say, *7^%$#,Ya don't say."
Cammie say's, " Who wahs that?"
"He didn't say." ;D
;D :D ;D
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Sheep herder ya got to quit stayin' up ate watchin' old bad movies. Become "A Bozo On The Bus" like the rest of us. ;D
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Sheep herder ya got to quit stayin' up ate watchin' old bad movies. Become "A Bozo On The Bus" like the rest of us. ;D
Dell its older than that, comes from old Spike Jones alblem. ;D
;D :D ;D
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It's a gag that was done in many movies as soon as the turned talkie, it was a live show gag 10 minutes after Bell invented the telly-fone. Ya got to pay better 'tention to what goes on around ya. ;D
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Del, PM coming to you
Spike Jones?>>>heck he never made it to 8 track
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Spike Jones?>>>heck he never made it to 8 track
I got some of this records around here someplace 'n I ain't that old.
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What's time to a sheepman? ;D
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Ok, Tensleep is gonna play hardcore, we got's to wear unyforms now. ::)
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NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! :o :o :o :o :o :o
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Del what's that Newbrassky National Guard? ;D ;D ;D
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NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! :o :o :o :o :o :o
Hey Del lookit, Slim's uniform is PINK!
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
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Exam Time....Read Question 10 and report back
http://www.brimstonepistoleros.com/fun.htm
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Exam Time....Read Question 10 and report back
http://www.brimstonepistoleros.com/fun.htm
Got it, have you??
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yep
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I've seen it before, so this time I did it verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry carefully.
Slim
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;D ;D ;D
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Ah gots 18,000,010. Is that raht?
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ya better leave this'in alone, it's got some of the higher end beginner math in it. I just had ta delete them complicated problems.
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Now chit'lin, listen up......
If'n ya got two ducks in front o' two ducks, two ducks behind two ducks an' two ducks between two ducks.....
how many ducks ya got?
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Myself I'd just ground sluce them and have Rowdy bring the ones I kilt to me and we'd have "Duck, Kraut and Dumplin's " fer supper. ;D
I already got the proper rye bread baked. ;D
(http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i200/Delmonico_1885/Bread/CzechRye.jpg)
Ya want I should bake some Kolatchi, bet Triity won't be happy with Kolatch. ;D Ya want prune or poppy seed.
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<----- Opens gradebook
Lemme see, that would be a big Gooseaig 0 for tha cornshucker, figgers he wood try to evade tha question.
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it took me a little while, I had ta go and get some turkeys ta stand still long enough fer me ta count em.
is it 4
* *
* *
2 in front of 2, 2 behind 2 and the 2 corners between the other 2 corners.
dang turkeys wouldn't stand still
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Now ya can call me a cornshucker cause I got botha Grandpa's huskin' pegs, but only as long as ya don't mean it ta mean anything ta do with feets ball. Feets ballers don't know nuthin' bout shucking corn. ;D
BTW teecher, ya know what this big thing one the onside a this wagon is called and watt it does? ;D
(http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i200/Delmonico_1885/Filley/Wagonwithabangboard.jpg)
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Ya got it OT ;D
<----- Marks One Hunnert next to tha Razerback's name ;)
'Nuther 0 fer that cornshucker fer tryin' to disrupt math class.
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OT, it also werks like this
* * * *
Two in front, two behind, two between
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ya mean that was one of them multi answer test
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ya mean that was one of them multi answer test
It's ah new thang called "creative thinkin"
Some Greek feller named So-Crates come up with it ;)
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ya got to watch them Greeks, they drive pretty fast, running around ta fix computers, ya know, the Greek Squad.
does So-Crates work fer them? ;D
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Naw, he's also a skool teecher, he tells ya ta stand up fer yer rights and sit down on yer stool. ;D
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He started it then Fran-ca-see'd it out....
Ya know when he bailed So-Crates sed, "Beware o' Greeks drivin' Bugs" ;)
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Truer words were never spoken.
they little but quick
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Ah counts 46! ??? ???
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ya just need ta get ya a few pet turkeys so ya can have em stand still long enough ta count em. course one of them abacus's don't hurt.
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It's ah new thang called "creative thinkin"
Some Greek feller named So-Crates come up with it ;)
Ya mean to tell me some geek fella thought up the way we should be thank'n?
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Only some of us litl rooster, only some of us.
Delmonico prints of some more bumper stickers. ;D
Greek Fee-lose-ee-fers fer litl rooster
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OK class,
Ya got 6 apples, ya got 4 oranges an' 2 bananas.
How many dawgs does it take ta pull ah dawgsled from here ta there?
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OK class,
Ya got 6 apples, ya got 4 oranges an' 2 bananas.
How many dawgs does it take ta pull ah dawgsled from here ta there?
depends where is there?
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<----- Takes out gradebook
That's ah hunnert fer tha skinny cowboy ;D
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Darn
I thought the answer was:
It depended on how many water melons were in the sled.
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Darn
I thought the answer was:
It depended on how many water melons were in the sled.
that's Cowboy Logic
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;D ;D ;D ;D
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litl rooster scribbles something on the "blackboard"
Home Ed 101
class please take notes
When working with fresh Jalpenos, always >repeat< alway wash yours hands througo really good
When you think they's clean enuff wash 'm agin.......................and never touch tender places on yer face or body afterwards...
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I got into that Jalpeno on the hands once, caused me to have a memory improvement from then on. ;D
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More important, do not touch any of those places on anyone else. ::)
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:o :o :o
"You tryin' ta tail me not ta pee dye-reckly afterwards?"
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No it's okay just warsh yer hands before you return to the kitchen ;D ;D ;D
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I doubt you'd make it back to the kitchen.........................................................alive. :o
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OK class,
Ya got 6 apples, ya got 4 oranges an' 2 bananas.
How many dawgs does it take ta pull ah dawgsled from here ta there?
Why is Carmen Miranda ridin' in a dawgsled?
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10ZZZZZ wants frozen fruit. ::)
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he'll just have to have that dogsled swing by Nebraskkky
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Well it's comin' down good right now, they say 3-5 before it's done, was beutiful last night when Rowdy and I were out about 11pm. "Bout 0, no wind and snow on the ground. If the wind comes up we're sunk though, light and fluffy, perfect for a ground blizzard. ::)
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we got 47 degrees here, lord knows why, with the snow and ice so close, (Oklahoma 50 miles) but I am thankful it is where it's at and I'm where I'm at. just lots of rain