GENERAL TOPICS > Tall Tales
South from Dodge
Delmonico:
After ridin his mule and leadin' his pack mule inta Dodge City, Delmonico buys a freight wagon and 2 more mules, Goin' ta Rath's store he buys powder, lead, primers and a case of 50-90 ammo. Two wall tents are added to the gear, along with a 73 Winchester and 1000 rounds. A frying pan and a dutch oven make up the cook gear, not much time for fancy cookin' down on the South Canadian.
For food supplies a barrel of flour, some salertus, salt, pepper and a bucket of lard are all he buys for grub. When leaving the roundup camp he also brough a jar of his famous sourdough stater, an empty firkin would be filled when camp was set up. Just before leaving the store he buys two lanterns and a 5 gallon bucket of coal oil and an extra change of clothes.
Just before heading out of town and stops at the whorehouse and tells them, "If Sergeant Smokepole stops here tell him that I have headed to the South Canadian river, I am going to camp 10 miles down river from Adobe Walls. Tell him and any others that come with him ta bring their buffalo guns, lots of ammo and loading supplies. Also bring a repeating rifle and 1000 rounds of ammo, their might be trouble, the Comanchies don't want us shootin' their buffalo."
(As he rides off to the south Delmonico snickers to himself, "Them guys al' show up and kill buffalo fer a couple of days, they'l lays in the hot sun and when Slim shows up we'll make him skin them all. That'l teach him ta' take the weekend off.")
Delmonico:
Five miles south of Dodge City, Delmonico turns around and heads back. Stopping at the store he buys coffee (forgot it) and gives the key to Trinity's leg irons to a guy on a fast horse.
He gives they fellow the two $20 gold pieces that Sarge's Irish Whore gave Delmonico for the good time. As the fast horse fellow saddles, Delmonico hand him a quart of good whiskey and says, "Give this ta Trinity as a present and tell him I don't whine as bad as he does." ::)
And then Delmonico turns his wagon around and heads south. ;)
Delmonico:
Reaching the South Canadian Delmonico finds a nice place ta camp in a grove of trees in a bend on the river. Along the way he had shot a young buffalo heifer, stoppeng he cut out the hump roast and wrapped it in some butcher paper and places it in the wagon after tiying it with string.
Upon reaching camp he started a fire and got the hump roast cooking in his dutch oven and started setting up the camp.
When camp was set up he went out on a mule scouting around and found a nice herd about 5 miles out. Satisfied he went back to camp where the roast was done. He ate his fill, setting the oven to the side, knowing that the meat would keep well in the cool evening.
He watched the stars come out one by one and then rolled out his bedroll in one of the tents he laid the Winchester out near his bed. Tommorow though it would be the Sharps that would earn it's keep.
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Trinity:
Just then Trinity rides up on a very fast horse. "Howdy Strother, uh, ah mean Delmonico. Ah hate to have done it, but ah hit that feller you sent to unlock me over the head with that bottle. When he regained consciousness he tole me where you were haidin an' I took his horse an started in this direction.
The fact of the matter is, while you do complain rather much, Ah like your food. ...Uh, speakin of which, do ya got anything on the far? I aint had anything to eat in several days. Ah got some fresh veal which ah was hopin ya could cook up fer me. Ah also aint had no alcohol 'cept for that plug afore I hit that nice feller ya sent to unlock me. Do ya got any bottles?"
Ah met this columbian feller a-ridin' an ass on the trail an he sole me some coffee beans. I got a roaster in my sack an plan to make mah special roast fer tamorrow mornin'.
I wonder how the Sarge is makin out with his missing toes? That shore was a hoot the way he tricked ya into eatin' them. HAW HAW HAW ;D ;D ;D. We aint heard nothin from him since, you aint kilt him didja, Delmonico?"
Delmonico:
Naw I ain't kilt him, he's just mad cause his Irish whore gave me the $40 dollars he gave her. He's fine, I seen he was over on the Frontier Spot earlier, bet he shows up here. Ya should have read the note I left on the chuckwagon and checked at Rath's store, tolt them where I was gonna be.
Between what I got fer coffee when I took the key back and what you got we won't have ta sleep fer days. Hump roast in the oven over there, ya can warm it or it be good cold. Plannin' on livin' on buffalo meat and sourdough biscuits for a while. Gopher Grease al' probally show up and we'll sent him for some supplies and have him make that lemon torte he posted on the Historical Society board.
Tammarow ya can watch camp and the next day I will, we'll go out and shoot a bunch a buffalo with my Sharp's and make Slim skin them when he gets here. That'l be his punishment for goin' home fer the weekend and seeing his wife and his 15 or 16 kids.
(Whisper On: We'll tell him he can brand them with that rusty brandin' irun of his if he skins them, that way he will think he's got the good job, he's always wantin' ta brand somethin'. Whisper off.)
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