stupid people stories

[Cherokee Jem]

 Hey guys... Wanted to open a topic for all those dumb stories that everyone has. 

 in 2001, I went to a horse show in Chatsworth, GA... I was out riding my old cowhorse Charlie, who was about the most dead broke horse you would ever hope to meet. Me and old Charlie went to the concession stand and I bought the largest Mountain Dew available. So I commenced riding around and looking at all the pretty cowgirls and whatnot... After bout 30 min, I realized that Dew don't stay in your system that long, and I needed to drain my tank. So I find a Porta potty. I soon realize that
A., there is no place to tie old Charlie,
and B., There are no other toliets withing a 5 minute ride from me.

So, in my infinate teenage wisdom, I figure it would be easier to just run the reins through the porta-Pot door, and do my business. Well, Im about half way done when I hear a squeak. I turn around, and realize that the door is open, Charlie is staring at me, and so is a group of girls that had been riding by. Well, what else is there for me to do? So I wave.... Talk about embarrassed... But then again, how many people have a horse that is smart enough to open a Porta-Pot??

[Joyce (AnnieLee)]

Yep, looks like Jem's found a new home in Tall Tales, doesn't it? And he fits right in with the bozos on the bus. 

Oh, by the way, I was in a conversation after the match on Saturday, with another cowboy shooter. I was talking about some guys in a shop giving me the "hairy eyeball" and the guy grinned, saying: "So you listen to Arlo Guthrie too, eh?"

Not a stupid story, but one that made me laugh.

Welcome, Jem!



AnnieLee

[Old Top]

Annie,

Sure you weren't at Alice's Restraunt?

Old top

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[Cherokee Jem]

Thanks Annie... I enjoy these forums, and I like to make people laugh       

[Silver Creek Slim]

It's good ta have a here, Cherokee Jem. But, watch out fer Delmonico, he tends ta git people in trouble. 

Slim

[Calamity Jane]

Now I WISH this were a made-up story, but sadly, it ain't. . .

I werk for a major power utility 'n' I waz sittin out back of the office building one lunch time havin a smoke on a stub wall in the sunshine.

Apparently thar waz some kind'a high level meeting goin on 'cause there waz a lot of fellers in black suits wanderin around.

Two fellers waz walkin out the laneway, away from the offices, 'n' one suit says to the other, "I don't know if we'll have time to walk all the way around."

The second suit answers, "Well, we'll go half way and check the time."

Ol' CJ jist 'bout fell off'n that wall on to her noggin! No wonder this company is so screwed up!

Sad, very sad . . . .

[Cherokee Jem]

 Ok, got another one... Toliet at our house got plugged up and our old plunger broke. So I go to Lowes and buy another one. Im checking out and the guy behind the register asks me, Your toliet backed up?

[El Peludo]

How about one on myself???

In my sophomore high school world geography class, we were talking about landmasses; islands, and such, and their discovery.  I got so excited about it that I asked the teacher - very seriously, mind you - if there were any undiscovered islands in the world.

Here's another one on me; just occurred:  I'm sitting here in my office and see something big and white go past the window - it's dark out there - and I just about jumped out of my skin.  It was a big moth flyin' around in the light from the window. 

[litl rooster]

My old daddy used to tell me he tried and tried to swim across the Ohio river, he get half ways across and decide he couldn't make it and would turn around and swim back.

[Silver Creek Slim]

My old daddy used to tell me he tried and tried to swim across the Ohio river, he get half ways across and decide he couldn't make it and would turn around and swim back.

Slim

[Cherokee Jem]

went to buy some pants yesterday...Got asked if I was planning on purchasing those pants... NO MAAM, I was just gonna walk around the store in em and give em back when I left!     

[Bushwack Bill]

When I was 19 years old I had been in the USAF about a year.  I was young, dumb, naive, and about as bright as a box of rocks.   One of my NCO's invited me over to his house after we had been sledding down the mountainside outside of Anchorage, Alaska.

When we got there I was introduced to his kids and we had supper.  After the meal I was informed that the oldest, his daughter, played chess and would I want to chalange her.  Of course I said yes.

This gal was almost as tall as I was and had long flowing blonde hair and a willowy figure and the prettiest set of hazel eyes I'd ever seen.  While we stretched out on the floor studying the boared, I summoned up my courage to tell her that she had beautiful hair. 

Well, all she did was to say "thank you" and continued on with the game.

Well, I was smitten.  Since she didn't get all giggly or girly on me, I thought I'd found the girl of my dreams and love of my live.  Here was a gal who could stay focused on what was important, had a good head on her shoulders, and according to her dad, could handle a firearm like she was born to it.

I was determined to win her heart at any cost.  So, when my Sgt friend took me back to the barraks, I gathered up what courage I could and went to ask him if I could ask his daughter out on a date.  Something clicked inside my head and made me ask how old she was first.  When he said "ELEVEN" I almost died from embarassment.  The cold hand of fear gripped me when I realized if the Sgt. figured out WHY I asked how old she was I was going to DIE.

Fortunately for me, I never told him what had transpired that night while I was stationed there.

[Silver Creek Slim]

That was a near-miss.

Slim

[Lucky Irish Tom]

Went recently to purchase a pair of boots.  A very nice clerk was helping and when I tried on the first pair, in a size I normally wear they were to tight.  I related this to the clerk who said I'll get another pair.  She returned with a size smaller than the ones i had just tried on, I pointed this out and off she went.  She returned a few minutes later with the boots in the size i had tried on at first.

[Silver Creek Slim]

Why do I need to learn math? 

Slim

[Joyce (AnnieLee)]

Why do I need to learn math? 

Slim

That sounds like something a Slimette said, Slim! When Will asked me that question he didn't know what he was in for with the answer. For the next three weekends, at every opportunity, I showed him how the event that just happened required math. By the end of it, I think he was ready to hit me with my own skillet!



AnnieLee

[Silver Creek Slim]

Why do I need to learn math? 

Slim

That sounds like something a Slimette said, Slim! When Will asked me that question he didn't know what he was in for with the answer. For the next three weekends, at every opportunity, I showed him how the event that just happened required math. By the end of it, I think he was ready to hit me with my own skillet!



AnnieLee

Slim

[Trinity]

In his sleep at nights now, tossing and turning:

Yes, Mom, I UN-DER-STAND the need for math. Yes, I SEE how important it is.  Yes, I see how a mistake would have ruined the project.  EL KABOOOOOOOOOOONG

[Joyce (AnnieLee)]

In his sleep at nights now, tossing and turning:

Yes, Mom, I UN-DER-STAND the need for math. Yes, I SEE how important it is.  Yes, I see how a mistake would have ruined the project.  EL KABOOOOOOOOOOONG

Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.

"Will, what's 96 minus 16?"

"70. No. Wait. It's 80."

A pause.

"Wait. Mom.... you cut the boards to the shed to 70 inches."

"Yep, sure did."

The laughter starts.

"You made a math error! YOU GOOBER!!"

Guilty as charged, yer honor.



AnnieLee

[Trinity]

As Nelson would say:  "Ha Ha!"