Waaaay OT: Futons

[Delmonico]

Hadn't thought of that.  Might buy one after all. 

Well we're always here to help you my friend.

[Silver Creek Slim]

Well we're always here to help you my friend.

That's fer sure.

Slim

[Texas Lawdog]

Everyone here has their 2 cents to put in on all subjects.

[Advertising]

[Delmonico]

Yeah, but this time we not only solved the original problem, we showed him how to get rid of un-wanted guests.

Fact is we could also help him get gophers out of his yard couldn't we.  I got a couple pounds of Goex.

[Silver Creek Slim]

Moles are active in our yard already. 

Slim

[Forty Rod]

Yeah, but this time we not only solved the original problem, we showed him how to get rid of un-wanted guests.

Fact is we could also help him get gophers out of his yard couldn't we.  I got a couple pounds of Goex.

One pound FFFFg is sufficient for gophers.

A three foot fuse trail is NOT long enough.

Don't set it over your water main.

Let the neighbors know what you're planning in advance.

Have a water hose standing by.

Lie to the fire department if they ask you anything, even the name of a good restaurant.

Write it all down so you can put it in your memoirs after the statute of limitations runs out.

[Leo Tanner]

A whole pound of 4F goin up at once...I'd like ta see that an smell it too.  Wish I had some gophers.

[Delmonico]

A whole pound of 4F goin up at once...I'd like ta see that an smell it too.  Wish I had some gophers.

I've searched and can't find the original post with the story, maybe Forty Rod should retell the whole story again, it was priceless.

Esp when his neighbor returned the divot.

[Texas Lawdog]

That story sounds like Bill Murray in "Caddyshack".  We got armadillos that dig in our yard.

[Trinity]

I have a futon in my living room and have even slept on it (Don't ask).  It's really not bad at all.  Of course, I'm happy rolling out my bedroll on straw too.



Hey, did I read that the party is on again at your place this summer?  Boy, AnnieLee sure will love seein' us all together at your house!

[Forty Rod]

I've searched and can't find the original post with the story, maybe Forty Rod should retell the whole story again, it was priceless.
Esp when his neighbor returned the divot.

'Twas back in about 1978 when we were still trying to get our new house going on my pay at The Flintlock in Anaheim.  (I spent most of it right there before I ever got home.) Good job and I got pretty good with anything associated with black powder, I can tell you.  (Keep this in mind.)

Anyway, we had gophers all over the front yard.  None in back and I never did understand that.  I tried baits, traps, poisons, those whirligig thingumajigs, smoke, flooding them out...every dang thing I could think of and suggestions from dang near everyone in the country.

NOTHIN' WORKED!

One day I had a hose down one hole and heard a slurping noise and turned around to see a sinkhole appear in my yard big enough to swallow a VW bug up to the windows.

Well, that tore it. I waited a few days until the ground dried out a mite and I had a quiet weekend (!!!!!!!!!!!) to work.

Come Saturday morning I took a pound can of Gearhart and Owens FFFFg powder and poured it down one  hole after plugging every other one I could find.  It wasn't compressed so it would simply burn and smoke the little buggers out. 

RIGHT!!!  RIGHT???

I saved enough for a three foot trail for a fuse and I'm here to tell you here and now a yard ain't nowhere enough fuse.

Anyhow I touched off the powder!

At this point I had the impression that everything shifted into slow motion and "silent-movie-mode".  I saw a huge column of white smoke, orange flame, and chunks of dirt slowly rising up over my house.  Didn't hear a thing!!!  The blast was totally SILENT!

My first thought was "MY GOD!!! THAT'S RIGHT OVER MY WATER MAIN!!!

I was dumped on my butt in the middle of the sidewalk just at my front porch.

My hearing came back and I heard dirt clods, some as big as a basketball dropping all over the neighborhood, and an echo of the explosion,  neighbors came running out of their house  and stood staring.  Overhead the smoke just hung there like a big cloud raining dirt and grass.

I got up and put out all the little holes that were smoking all over my tee shirt and Levis (Ruined both, burned holes in my baseball cap, removed mu eyebrow and hair that wasn't under the cap, and freckled my face and arms with burns.)  and looked at a hole in my yard as big as a washtub.  I noticed that there was no water, so the water main wasn't hurt.  Not a leak to this day.

I looked over at the porch at my wife and daughter staring at me with big smiles and my son rolling on the porch laughing his tail off.  He says the sight of me running sideways down the driveway on all fours like a crab was the funniest thing he ever saw.  The dog didn't come out from under the bed for four days.

Joe Saldana, a man who moved in the day after I did (and is still a close friend) calmly walked over with a divot about 18 inches across and 10 inches thick, reached over and handed it to me and said, "I believe this is yours."   He turned around without another word or a look and strolled back across the street to his house which is a house south of the one directly across from mine.  Close to 200 feet away.

The lady who lives behind us brought a divot almost as big that landed in the swimming pool she was having put in. 

Now here's the fun part: NO ONE CALLED THE COPS OR FIRE DEPARTMENT!

Later I was at the barbershop and the barber, a close friend, had me tell the story.  One guy waiting leaned forward and asked me where I lived.  Alarms went off and I named a nearby town.  Turned out he was the city Fire Marshall.  Fifteen years later he joined a group of us at breakfast and calmly told me that the Statute of Limitations had run out.

He'd known all the time exactly where I lived.

End of the story:  I have never seen a gopher in my yard since that day.  Neighbors had some, but we didn't.  I don't know if I blew then to pieces, suffocated them, or shot their tiny little furry bodies down a tunnel until they couldn't make a tight corner and broke their tiny little necks.

Someday I'm going to dig down and look for little triangular gopher signs with "Achtung Minen" and a gopher skull and crossbones stenciled on them.

If you have gophers I can tell you how to get rid of them.

[Delmonico]

Thank you my friend, was even better that when you told it the first time, it is book marked here and at work.

BTW a couple years ago I did find it, copied and pasted it cause some lady on my Lab forum was having problems with gophers.  Did not meantion, names or places or even if it was even in the US.

Don't know why, but that was the last post on the thread, don't know if she got rid of the Gophers.

BTW they're mostly nice folks over there, but I get the idea I sometimes scare the heck out of some of them and that they ain't really sure what to think of me.

[Silver Creek Slim]

FFFg burns too fast fer fuse also. I use cannon fuse now.

Slim

[Delmonico]

I lost my eye brows  and part of my hair to black powder once, was no explosion, but I was blind afterward.  Was ready to get a white cane but found out it was soot and smoke on my glasses.

[Leo Tanner]

Great story 40.  I love the ones that are so true they could never be made up.  By the time I got ta the German road sign I was in stitches. 

Don' worry what they think a ya over there Del, over here it's perty clear

[Forty Rod]

I lost my eye brows  and part of my hair to black powder once, was no explosion, but I was blind afterward.  Was ready to get a white cane but found out it was soot and smoke on my glasses.

I was still wearing my military "birth control" glasses (So ugly no woman would come near you.) then.  They had some pretty soft shatterproof lenses.  Completely ruined them with itsy little holes melted right into the surface.

[Trinity]

That's a great story.  I remember it from several years back.

[Delmonico]

I was still wearing my military "birth control" glasses (So ugly no woman would come near you.) then.  They had some pretty soft shatterproof lenses.  Completely ruined them with itsy little holes melted right into the surface.

I was lucky I had and still like, glass lenses.

[Texas Lawdog]

That story would make Bill Murray jealous.

[Forty Rod]

Here's one I just got from Professor Fuller Bullspit, a well-know BP shooter out here in God's country.

Enjoy.     

Lesson Learned

Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow beginner
kits. Of course, the first month I went around our place sticking arrows in
anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse
Farmall tractor will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough sumbich.
That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dukes of Hazzard fan that I was, I
quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up Tshirt doused in chainsaw gas
tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over the place. Keep
in mind this was 99.999% humidity swampland so there really wasn't any fire
danger. Ill put it this way - a set of post hole diggers and a 3ft. hole and
you had yourself a well.
Anyway, one summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large
rotten oak stump in our backyard. I look over under the carport and see a
shiny brand new can of starting fluid (ether). The light bulb went off. I
grabbed the can and set it on the stump. I thought it would probably just
spray out in a disappointing manner . .. . lets face it . . . to a 10 yr.
old mouth-breather like myself ether really doesn't "sound" flammable. So, I
went back into the house and got a 1 pound can of pyrodex (black powder for
muzzle loader rifles) to add to the excitement.
At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the can of
black powder.. My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around the ether
can but it all sorta dumped out on me. No biggie...1lb pyrodex and 16oz
ether should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker you know? You know
what? Screw that. I'm going back in the house for the other can. Yes, I got
a second can of pyrodex and dumped it too. Now we're cookin'.
I stepped back about 15ft and lit the 2stroke arrow. I drew the nock to my
cheek and took aim. As I released I heard a clunk as the arrow launched from
my bow. In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see my dad getting out of
the truck... OH yugo! He just got home from work. S0 help me God it took 10
minutes for that arrow to go from my
bow to the can.
My dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a WT look in his eyes. I
turned back towards my target just in time to see the arrow pierce the
starting fluid can right at the bottom. Right through the main pile of
pyrodex and into the can. Oh. yugo.
When the shock wave hit it knocked me off my feet. I don't know if it was
the actual compression wave that threw me back or just reflex jerk back from
235 decibels of sound. I caught a half a millisecond glimpse of the violence
during the initial explosion and I will tell you there was dust, grass, and
bugs all hovering 1ft above the ground as far as I could see. It was like a
little low to the ground layer of dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders,
and a crawfish or two. The daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this...THE
DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE! There was a big sweetgum tree out by the gate going
into the pasture. Notice I said "was". That mother got up and ran off.
So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my
Thundercats T-shirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport
having what I can only assume is a Vietnam flashback - ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE
YOUR BRINGIN' EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE DAMIT CEASE FIRE!!!!!
His hat has blown off and is 30 ft. behind him in the driveway. All windows
on the north side of the house are blown out and there is a slow rolling
mushroom cloud about 2000ft over our backyard. There is a Honda 185s 3
wheeler parked on the other side of the yard and the fenders are drooped
down and are now touching the tires.

I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment. I don't know- I know I
said something. I couldn't hear. I couldn't hear inside my own head. I don't
think he heard me either... not that it would really matter. I don't
remember much from this point on. I said something, felt a sharp pain, and
then woke up later. I felt a sharp pain, blacked out, woke later.... repeat
this process for an hour or so and you get the idea. I remember at one point
my mom had to give me CPR so dad could beat me some more. Bring him back to
life so dad can kill him again. Thanks mom.
One thing is for sure... I never had to mow around that stump again. Mom had
been bitching about that thing for years and dad never did anything about
it. I stepped up to the plate and handled business.
Dad sold his muzzleloaders a week or so later. And I still have some sort of
bone growth abnormality either from the blast or the beating. Or both.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, get your kids into archery.. Its good
discipline and will teach them skills they can use later on in life.
Something they won't learn in school.