Stop tellin' folks you take pills for that. Ma always told me that you was born that way when she was puttin' the bandages on me.
Uh, kid...you did know that Ma drank a
lot of her own "medicine", didn't you?
That stuff cures the roup, the croup, the pip, the poop, the piles, an' the palsy; prevents saddle sores an' crotch itch, split ends, bunions, corns, and the pox; makes hens lay twice as many eggs, cows give more milk, hogs fatten quicker, an' babies cut teeth in a single week without discomfort. It can be used to soften old leather, remove rust, patch roofs, and de-horn cattle. It also can be used as a sheep dip, or troublesome spot remover. It will snap your suspenders, blue a rifle barrel, crack your glass eye right across the middle, and make child- birthin' a pure-dee pleasure.
What is it? Why it's Mother Marlitha-Ellen Milldercreek's Marvelous Home Grown Indian Remedy and Soup Spice.
Forty nine cents a three ounce bottle or two for a dollar. If not satisfactory, your money will be cheerfully refunded.
(WARNING: Side effects may include the blind staggers, hallucinations, speaking in tongues, projectile bleeding, reverse sneezing, the hippity-hops, unexpected pregnancy, broken noses, and possible incarceration. Not recommended for children, weak-kneed sissies, women "of a certain age", or cats. Use at your own discretion.)