Cas City Forum Hall & CAS-L
GENERAL TOPICS => Tall Tales => Topic started by: Delmonico on September 11, 2004, 10:41:06 PM
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After ridin his mule and leadin' his pack mule inta Dodge City, Delmonico buys a freight wagon and 2 more mules, Goin' ta Rath's store he buys powder, lead, primers and a case of 50-90 ammo. Two wall tents are added to the gear, along with a 73 Winchester and 1000 rounds. A frying pan and a dutch oven make up the cook gear, not much time for fancy cookin' down on the South Canadian.
For food supplies a barrel of flour, some salertus, salt, pepper and a bucket of lard are all he buys for grub. When leaving the roundup camp he also brough a jar of his famous sourdough stater, an empty firkin would be filled when camp was set up. Just before leaving the store he buys two lanterns and a 5 gallon bucket of coal oil and an extra change of clothes.
Just before heading out of town and stops at the whorehouse and tells them, "If Sergeant Smokepole stops here tell him that I have headed to the South Canadian river, I am going to camp 10 miles down river from Adobe Walls. Tell him and any others that come with him ta bring their buffalo guns, lots of ammo and loading supplies. Also bring a repeating rifle and 1000 rounds of ammo, their might be trouble, the Comanchies don't want us shootin' their buffalo."
(As he rides off to the south Delmonico snickers to himself, "Them guys al' show up and kill buffalo fer a couple of days, they'l lays in the hot sun and when Slim shows up we'll make him skin them all. That'l teach him ta' take the weekend off.")
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Five miles south of Dodge City, Delmonico turns around and heads back. Stopping at the store he buys coffee (forgot it) and gives the key to Trinity's leg irons to a guy on a fast horse.
He gives they fellow the two $20 gold pieces that Sarge's Irish Whore gave Delmonico for the good time. As the fast horse fellow saddles, Delmonico hand him a quart of good whiskey and says, "Give this ta Trinity as a present and tell him I don't whine as bad as he does." ::)
And then Delmonico turns his wagon around and heads south. ;)
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Reaching the South Canadian Delmonico finds a nice place ta camp in a grove of trees in a bend on the river. Along the way he had shot a young buffalo heifer, stoppeng he cut out the hump roast and wrapped it in some butcher paper and places it in the wagon after tiying it with string.
Upon reaching camp he started a fire and got the hump roast cooking in his dutch oven and started setting up the camp.
When camp was set up he went out on a mule scouting around and found a nice herd about 5 miles out. Satisfied he went back to camp where the roast was done. He ate his fill, setting the oven to the side, knowing that the meat would keep well in the cool evening.
He watched the stars come out one by one and then rolled out his bedroll in one of the tents he laid the Winchester out near his bed. Tommorow though it would be the Sharps that would earn it's keep.
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Just then Trinity rides up on a very fast horse. "Howdy Strother, uh, ah mean Delmonico. Ah hate to have done it, but ah hit that feller you sent to unlock me over the head with that bottle. When he regained consciousness he tole me where you were haidin an' I took his horse an started in this direction.
The fact of the matter is, while you do complain rather much, Ah like your food. ...Uh, speakin of which, do ya got anything on the far? I aint had anything to eat in several days. Ah got some fresh veal which ah was hopin ya could cook up fer me. Ah also aint had no alcohol 'cept for that plug afore I hit that nice feller ya sent to unlock me. Do ya got any bottles?"
Ah met this columbian feller a-ridin' an ass on the trail an he sole me some coffee beans. I got a roaster in my sack an plan to make mah special roast fer tamorrow mornin'.
I wonder how the Sarge is makin out with his missing toes? That shore was a hoot the way he tricked ya into eatin' them. HAW HAW HAW ;D ;D ;D. We aint heard nothin from him since, you aint kilt him didja, Delmonico?"
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Naw I ain't kilt him, he's just mad cause his Irish whore gave me the $40 dollars he gave her. He's fine, I seen he was over on the Frontier Spot earlier, bet he shows up here. Ya should have read the note I left on the chuckwagon and checked at Rath's store, tolt them where I was gonna be.
Between what I got fer coffee when I took the key back and what you got we won't have ta sleep fer days. Hump roast in the oven over there, ya can warm it or it be good cold. Plannin' on livin' on buffalo meat and sourdough biscuits for a while. Gopher Grease al' probally show up and we'll sent him for some supplies and have him make that lemon torte he posted on the Historical Society board.
Tammarow ya can watch camp and the next day I will, we'll go out and shoot a bunch a buffalo with my Sharp's and make Slim skin them when he gets here. That'l be his punishment for goin' home fer the weekend and seeing his wife and his 15 or 16 kids.
(Whisper On: We'll tell him he can brand them with that rusty brandin' irun of his if he skins them, that way he will think he's got the good job, he's always wantin' ta brand somethin'. Whisper off.)
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Trinity rises early. MUCH earlier than he is accustomed to. It must be the scent from the coffee roaster. Or mebbe the fact that he had no booze the night before. He thinks to himself "This is sickening. No self respectin cowpoke should be awake at this time!" He checks his roaster and determines that it needs mebbe another hour.
"Delmonico, when Gopher Grease shows up, Ah'd rather have a cherry torte than lemmon. Ah never liked lemon in anything cept mah tea. Ah always like the cherry... ;D no pun intended ... well ... no, this is a fambly board, no pun intended.
Yeah, Ah ain got no problem with buff meat, but it dries out quickly on the far, be careful. They aint never anything wrong with sour-do buscuits, but Ah like butter an honey with 'em."
Trinity pulls his '73 out of his saddle scabbard cycles it once to make sure and says: "Ahm officially on guard!" and lays back down and instantly falls asleep, cradling his carbine as if it were a Teddy Bear. ::)
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Delmonico wonders why Trinity got up so early, cause the nice thing about buffalo huntin' is that ya don't start till they settle down for the day bout 10 am. Bout 8 am Delmonico gets up and makes a pot of fresh coffee and a oven full ogf biscuits. After havin' this for breakfast he starts the other roast and gathers his gear.
Bout time ta go, a little after 9:30, wonder when someone else will show up?
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Slim rides into camp with two pack mules in tow. He brings a Sharps, a Win 73, alot of ammo, skinning knives, salt, and of course his branding iron. "Howdy boys. Ya ready to kill some buffs? After some breakfast, of course."
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Breakfast is done we ate it all up bout a hour and a half ago, you'll have ta wait till supper now, or heat ya up a can of beans, be careful though ya know what happened the last time ya tried ta do that. Punch a hole in the lid of the can, remember how it xploded the last time, that cowboy that was workin' for us will have ta sell pencils the rest of his life on a street corner. Wonder if someone could train a dog ta lead him around. ::)
I'm glad you showed up we'll have Trinity run ta Dodge and see if he can hire a couple three guys ta skin fer us, there are lots of buffalo here. You can go shoot a few taday, but no more than ya can skin till Trinity gets back with some more men. I got ta run back to Hangin' Women Creek ta that other thread where we were last week. I fergot my good English Sheffield, French Chefs knife. ;D
I think that knife is why Sarge thinks I'm a Frenchy, but if I was I wouldn't by an English made knife. Oh well, I've got an idea for supper one of these nights and I need that knife. Oh, Trinity, grap some butter while yer in Dodge and some honey if they got any. If not ya can raid a bee tree, but do it far away from me or ya both gonna have ta cook fer yourselve's cause i'm lergic ta them. :o
See ya when I get back. ;)
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"Okay, Delmonico." Slim gets a can of VanCamps Pork & Beans (he prefers Bush beans but they don't exist yet) and stabs the top with his Bowie. He stirs the fire, adds a couple of sticks to it, and puts the can of beans in the fire. Adds some water to the coffee (yes, he got it upstream from the hosses).
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A few minutes after he left Delmonico returns on his mule, "I fergot ta tell ya Slim get any water ya need out a tha spring on the side of that thar' hill. There is a great big herd of buffalo just upstream." :P
Delmonico then turns his mule NNE and heads for the camp in the other thread ta get his good knife. ;D
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Slim pours out the coffee. Since he doesn't know how to make coffee, he gets a cup of water from the spring instead. He goes back to the fire and sees the beans bubbling out the top of the can. He quickly grabs the can so the beans don't burn, but forgets that the can might be hot on the outside. :o He drops the can outside of the fire and runs to the spring to cool the burning of his hands. (He knows that putting oil on a burn doesn't help.) By the time his hands are cooled, so are the beans. :'(
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Resting on the south bank of the South Platte, Delmonico wonders if Slim and Trinity remembered hat there was another hump roast cookinf in the dutch oven. ;D "Durn fools probbally forgot about the roast and been eatin' canned beans again." ;D
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"Trinity, do ya smells sumtin good?" "Trinity, where is ya?" Slim follows the good scent back to the fire. Low and behold, in the fire is a gold dutch oven. (At least it seemed like it was gold cuz Slim hadn't et all day.) This time Slim has lernt that fire makes things hot. So, he using has branding iron to lift the oven out of the fire and set it on the ground. He lifts the cover with the iron. Roast! Slim does a happy "dance". (Yes, white Yankees can almost dance.)
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Gopher Grease comes riding into camp, With an old pack mule with one ear missing. He brings with him the Remington Zouvue, a Henery rifle, piar of 58 remington pistols and a 10lb keg of powder. As he slides out of the sadal, he drops 2 fat cans of CHERRYS and utters something like "Wish I had some good coco." Checks the ovens cus theres all ways something in one.
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Delmonico rides into camp, sees the one eared mule and says. "Didn't know ya still had that mule. Don't tell Trinity bout the time we run out a' grub and had ta' eat the mule's ear. He's squeeeemmissh bout eatin' ears and tongues and such."
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Don't tell the mule, he aint subered up in the last 5 years. So, he dont know it missn.
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Hey Delmonico ifn ya see Trinity fer I do, tell him to dump some of that bottle in the feed bag fer the mule.
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Trinity rises and emits a huge yawn that would frighten a bear. "Dad-blame it! Ya git up too early and bed down for a short nap but then don' wake up till the end of the day!!!" Grumpy, groggy and hungry, Trinity sees Slim standing over a dutch oven. Slim fills Trinity in on the events of the day and warns him that if he doesn't get to Dodge and round up some pards to help with the work, Delmonico will be mighty upset.
As Trinity saddles up, Gophergrease comes up and tells Trinity that he has the Cherries but no Cocoa. "No problem, pard. Ah should be able to fahnd some goooood cocoa in Dodge. Ah'll bring some back. Wazzat, Slim? Delmonico wanted some Honey bees? No problem."
Slim chuckles to himself as Trinity trots off. "Boy is Delmonico gonna be bad at him, hee hee"
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Delmonico rides into Dodge and stops first at the market and retrieves cocoa for Gophergrease and then beelines for the nearest saloon. Boy, has it been a long time!!!
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Several hours later, Trinity rides into camp on a buckboard with two folks behind him. He hands Gophergrease his cocoa and rides the buckboard over to Delmonicos tent where he leaves it to return to the fire. There are two large boxes on the back of the buckboard from which a buzzing sound can be heard.
"What's in the boxes?" asked Slim. Ah ran into a crazy lady named Martha that kept on talking about her honey bees, so I bought them boxes from her. At first, Ah thought she was referrin' to somptin else but realized that she really did have bees and the honey pot she was offerin was indeed a pot of honey. Anyway, Ah thought Delmonico oughta like that since this lady is a cook or sumptin like that. Heck, he might even know her. Where is that ole pole cat anyway?"
While they were talking some of the bees were finding their way into Delmonico's tent.
"Ah found these here pards in the saloon. Fellers, meet Cable Hogue and his friend the Rev. Joshua Douglas Sloan. They promised that they are hard workers and never let anything divert their attention... Oh by the way, Ah brought some cases of likker fer us and that mule of yourn, Gophergrease. Ah think it is best, though, that we keep it under wraps lest Delmonico puts more of that Ipeekack throw-up juice in it again!"
Trinity drags a case over to the fire and the guys all tear into the bottles. Soon they are all singing (not very well) and leaning on each other...
Trinity strugles to speak: "Shay, Gofergreezy, wha happen to yer moooles ar?"
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Well I tell ya, Trinity. Back in the war of northen aggestion, this yank came alone and was thingkn of killin me. Now Ill tell ya that old mule sneeked up behind that darn heathen and bited his ear off. Well that fella got so mad he don forgot bout me and chewed that mules ear off. now that got the mule mader than all heck, he tunred and kick him so hard that yanks head came off and landed 50 ft away. Well he was nice nuff to give me his Henery rifle, so I had to do the right thing and toss his head back with the rest of him. ;D ;D ;D
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Drinking his essppprresssoo, Delmonico thinks to him self, "Bet Gopher Grease is goin' on bout that War of Dumb Polytitions again and it bet Trinity has snuck whiskey inta camp and is drunk and plannin' a surprise fer me." ::)
Stopping at the drugstore Delmonico gets some castor oil and a box of seegars. Saddleing his mule he rides south. Bout 5 miles north of camp he gets an Idea when he meets a band of freindly Tonkawa's cause he knows Trinity can't tell one from the other. :o
When he gets back ta camp, Trinity is passed out. Delmonico takes him over the hill and ties him spreadeagle on the ground to 4 stakes. He gives the Tonkawa's $50 gold and a jug of mollasses and instuctions ta pour it on Trinity as he wakes up. Everyone knows he'll think the Comanche's have him tied over a anthill. ;D
Gettin' his bedroll out of the wagon he lays it out on the grond, while thinkin' "I'll find out what he did tommorow, but I bet it has to do with my tent, daylight will revile more."
"Go ta bed Gopher Grease, the war is over neither side won."
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"It's daylight in the swamp!" yells Slim. (Slim's pa used to yell that to roust him and his bro from slumber). ;D
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It's after 9 ya overslept again, eat yer breakfast fast and don't ask what it is. ;D Is 9:00 am when the sun comes up in the swamps of wisssyconsion. ;D
If ya hear some screaming soon it's just Trinity, don't worry the Indians tooorrcchhhering him are friendly. :o :o
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It's after 9 ya overslept again, eat yer breakfast fast and don't ask what it is. ;D Is 9:00 am when the sun comes up in the swamps of wisssyconsion. ;D
(Nope, I was fixing cash registers and adding machines at 7:30 this morn.)
"Okay. I won't ask what it is. It is probably buff tongue." ;)
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Nope, won't tell till ya try it. It is pie, meat pie and it's an English type pie. And ya bloody better eat some ol' chap. ;D If ya do I'll tell ya how ta fix it. ;D
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"Must be Shepherd's Pie." ;D
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Nope it's steak and kidney pie! ;D ;D ;D
Ya start by boiling the pi$$ out of the kidneys. (A play on words but the kidneys are boiled till well done.) The cooed steak and the cooked kidneys are cut up and put in the gravy, This is put in a pie shell and baked. ;)
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(I first heard of kidney pie from "3, 2, 1 - Penguins".)
"If there is nothin' else ta eat, give me a plateful and alot of coffee to wash it down." ;D
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Here ya go, durn german's from Wissyconsion, probbally want sauerbraten next. ;D
When ya get done with the pie and coffee go see if Trinity is still alive, ain't heard him screamin' yet. Most likely still asleep. >:(
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"I'z English, German, Scotch, Irish, Welsh, Danish, and Jewish." ;D "Thanks for the grub, Delmonico." Slim wolfs down the grub and coffee. Saddles his horse and goes in search of Trinity and the "savages".
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So do ya want sauerbraten? Spose ya want bagels ta go with it, I can do the bagels but ya got ta get the cream cheese and Lox. Bet they ain't got no Lox in Dodge, ya gonna have ta go clear up ta the Columbia rive and buy some somked salmon from the Salish. ;D ;D
In fact if Trinty is still alive send him, but I don't make no foo foo bagels. (read foo foo as yuppie) ;D
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"I don't need no stink'n bagels, but sauerbraten would be good." Slim rides off. He finds Trinity and the "savages" not too far from camp. Trinity is still snoring. The "savages" are sitting around a fire smoking peace pipes and practicing their smoke signals.
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Delmonico rides out ta the smoke signal, "Slim here's yer chance ta do somethin really mean ta Trinity before ya got ta go home and he gets home and gets on line." ;D ::)
"I don't think we're gonna get no buffalo shot again today it's after 3 pm. When ya get out tommorow bring me back a piece of roast bout 5 pounds or so. I'll get some stuff ta start it marinating."
NOTE TA GOPHER GREASE: Stop on yer way home from work and get the stuff fer marinate for sauerbraten. Don't worry bout the gingersnaps, I'll bake some. If you don't have ginger pick up some. Ya know what ta do with the leftover gravy!
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"Delmonico, where is the 'lasses? Are there any feathers we can use after we pour on the 'lasses?" (Saw this in "McLintock". It was a hoot to see 'lasses and feathers on Maureen O'Hara.)
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OK, ya can have the piller outa my soogun. I'll run fetch it. ;D :o
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"Yipee!" Slim does a happy dance while the "savages" look at him strangely.
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"I hope he cames back with that pillow before I have ta go home."
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Delmonico rides up with his piller, "Sorry I took so long, had to answer an E-Mule, am drivin' some feller in Wisyconsion crazy trying ta figure out why I have two daughers, not twins, the same age named Andrea. Woops gotta go got mail."
Have fun with the feathers and moolllasses. Ya got's a half hour.
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"Thanks, Delmonico."
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Slim pours the 'lasses on, the still snoring, Trinity. He takes out his bowie, slits the pillow open, and shakes out the feathers on the 'lasses which is all over Trinity. Slim can barely hold in the laughter. The "savages" look on with strange expressions. Slim jumps on his horse and goes back to camp. "Well, Delmonico, the deed is done."
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Trinity awakens as Slim rides off and yawns. :o"What the...?? Whah am Ah all tahd up and what... Moh-lasses?? Feathers? Ah caint move. What in tarnation is going on here???????????????"
Over to the left there were a group of Indians playing with fire not paying Trinity any attention until one looks over and whispers something unintelligible to the group. Suddenly they all run over to Trinity hooping and hollering.
Trinity passes out.
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Trinity awakens once again and very carefully opens one eye. there are no indians and he is no longer bound. The molasses has been licked away by a baby buff standing nearby trying to spit the feathers out. Relieved and aware that a joke has been played on
him, Trinity rises and walks back to camp. Luckily, Trinity had previously scouted the area and knew exactly which direction to head.
Back at camp, Trinity discusses his ordeal with Delmonico. "But Ah didn't know you was allergic to Bees. Slim tole me you wanted em an I dint mean fer them to get into yer tent! Ah think both of us should get even with ole Slim!!
MMMMM! Is that Sauerbraten Ah smell??? Es riecht wie das von meiner Oma, lecker! Schmeckt's auch so gut ? Ah hope ya aint got nothin gainst Germans, Delmonico. Are you also makin Bratkartoffeln?
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Gopher Grease retuns ta camp with a milkin cow in tow. Ta asnser all yer thinkings, I done trated some kid a bag of beans fer the cow. Bet He thinks the be magic or something. Since Delmonico has the grub cookin, I think I'll do something for after. That is if Slim or Trinity can get milk from that cow, I need the cream. Gopher Grease adds more of the good wood to the fire and mixes a rich chocolat cake. As the cakes are baking he heats the cherrys with lots of sugar and a bit of butter. All we need now is someone to whip so cream and I'll put it all together.
But ya cant have now till ya have yer plates cleened. :'(
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Trinity, excited about the prospect of chocolate cake and this cherry dish that Gophergrease is planning to prepare jumps up and volunteers to milk the cow. This was a mistake, however, because he has never milked a cow before. One hour later, Trinity returns to the camp with two black eyes and his clothing torn, but nearly a half a bucket of milk. "Ah hope this is enough, pard. That cow shore put a fight, but Ah likes my whipped cream!"
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Gopher Grease splits the cooled cakes, spread on the cheerys and cream. With it stacked high he hides the thing in an empty oven. Setting it near the wagon and hopeing no one finds it till after the meal. Trinity is handed whats left of the cherrys and cream, a just reward after fighting the cow.
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Delmonico thinks to himself, bees? He goes over ta the tent he didn't sleep in last night and listens.
Hearing a buzzing he gets an idea. Grabbing a bottle of cheap whiskey he pours some castor oil in it. Givin' it ta Trinity he says here's a present, no hard fellin's and no eppepeck. ;D
As Trinity is stumbling around trying ta fins a place ta sleep Delmonico says, "Just use my tent, I'm gonna sleep outside in my soogun." As Trinity staggers to the tent, Delmonico whispers ta Gopher Grease, "I'll take his share of the dessert later." ;D
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After a rough night sleepin' with out his feather piller, Delmonico rises and looks around, Slim and Gopher Grease have already left for the morning hunt. "Well Gopher Grease will help Slim get the roast I need. When I get that marinating I will need to do something about the piller."
"I wonder how Trinity is doing?" Goin' ta the tend Delmonico listens, no buzzin'. Opening the tent with a very long stick Delmonico sees Trinity sleepin' but no bees and no lumpy stings on Trinity?
"Must ask Slim if he has any ideas why?"
Delmonico then starts coffee.
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Slim rides into camp. "Delmonico, here is your hump roast." He hands him a sack. "Is Trinity still snoring?"
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Yeah it's so bad the bee's all left. I gotta get another piller, but first I gotta mix 2 cups vinegar, 4 cups water, toss in two bay leaves, a bunch of pepper corns, a handful of salt, 2 ta 3 crushed garlic cloves, a sliced onion and a handful of raisins. I then gotta bring that to a boil and put the roast in a crock (non-metalic container, shh a zip-lock bag works great ::)) and cover it and store it in a cool place fer 3-4 days. ;D
Have Gopher Grease bake us some gingersnap cookies and make sure Trinity don't eat them all cause I'll need about 4-5 cups for the sauerbraten. It will be ready when I get back from Fort Sill, the sutler or the army quartermaster will have a fether piller. ;)
Delmonico then saddles his mule and heads east on it. :D
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He better hide dem ginger snaps cuz I like em, too. ;D
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"Where is that Gopher Grease guy? Since, Delmonico has been gone I ain't et. I ain't gonna touch a can 'o beans, cuz I can't figger how ta git it out of the fire without burn'n my paws. I am about ready to eat that hump roast raw."
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"I hope Delmonico picks up a scattergun of Fort Sill. I have a hankering for roasted goose and/or turkey." "My Pa was stationed at Fort Sill for awhile. The chiggers really liked him while he was there." "Well, since I ain't gonna get anything to eat I might as well go shoot some buff." Slim saddles his horse, grabs his Sharps and a couple boxes of cartridges, and rides toward the buffalo herd.
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Trinity wakes with a heavy head and lets out a huge yawn. He rises and looks around and is surprised to find himself inside Delmonico's tent and it smells bad!. "Ewwww, Gross!" He notices that the floor... and he himself is covered in bile. It looks like he had gotten so drunk the night before that he must have barfed all night long. Peppered on top of the gross slime are dozens of dead bees. "Oh no! Martha's bees! Oh well, no more fresh Honey. Ah guess they couldn't handle the stench... and neither can Ah, Ah gotta get outta here!"
He emerges from the tent and looks at the fire. "Where's the food? What did Ah drink last night??? Seeing the can of beans, Trinity becomes excited and grabs the can right off the fire and starts eating. "Slim is always worried 'bout gettin burnt, but mah hunger is stronger than fahr and Ah looooooooove beans!"
Next Trinity goes over to the oven near the wagon where Gophergrease hid the cake. He is very excited to find that no one has had any yet and begins to eat. Before he realizes, he has eaten almost all of it! "Oh oh. Ah'll jest crumble this here last piece and throw it back in the oven and make these little racoon tracks... There! Everbody will think that a 'coon et it."
"Ah wonder where everbody is. Ahm gonna grab mah Sharps an mah scattergun an look fer them." Trinity mounts his horse and rides off, but not before grabbing a bottle first.
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Delmonico enters Texas and the South of Dodge Thread.
"I wonder if Trinity has drug that bottle of whiskey that I put the casor oil in. Should a brought him a fresh pair a drawers from Fort Sill, hope the Comanches don't catch him with his pants down." ;D
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Ridin along Delmonico sees two sets of tracks leadin' southeast inta the Indian Territory. Wondering he gets down and examines them. One is frsh and one is a few days old, the old ones are mule tracks, his mule. Studying the other one he realizes it is Trinity's. :o
Delmonico is wondering why Trinity is following him, is there an emergency at camp? couse Trinity might just be drunk again and wondering about, either way he must follow him and find out why. ::)
So once again Delmonico heads inta the Nations and into the Fort Sill thread. ::)
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Back about 5 miles south of camp earlier in the day, Slim shot 8 buffalo with his 40 catridges (2 boxes) out of ammunition he is quickly captured by Comanche's and not havin' no strychnine to poisin himself with, Slim is now in quite a fix. :o
They take him to the only tree away from the river and hang him upside down from it. Then they realize there is no dry wood under the tree, so they go out ta fetch dry buffalo poop ta use ta build a fire under Slim ta slowly roast his brains. :P
So now we wonder what will happen ta Slim? Will he be able to log on in time in the morning ta save himself or will I drink to much coffee, be unable ta sleep and come back down and log one and start a fire of buffalo poop under his head, Bet he wishes he would have paid more atention and got some strychnine. ;D
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Them Comanches weren't the brightest candles on the tree, they didn't tie Slim's hands. So, while the Comanches were off gathering Buff chips, Slim used his hideout knife to cut himself out of the tree. (No, I am not gonna tell ya where he keeps the knife.) Slim falls from the tree with a thud and knocks the wind out of himself. (No, it wasn't from beans. Remember he didn't eat the beans.) He slowly gets to his feet, puts his boots on, mounts his horse, and spurs his horse toward camp. He looks over his shoulder to see the Comanches running to their horses.
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Delmonico and Trinity ride inta camp, no one is there but Slim and he is hidding behind all the boxes and bags in camp with his Sharp's and lots of catridges.
"What is goin' on here says Delmonico/"
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"The Comanches are after me. They hung me upside down from a tree and were going to roast my brain. But, I escaped and they were chasing me."
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Just then Trinity gets a funny look on his face and a rumbling sound comes from his middle, he runs down ta the river. :o :o Delmonico says, "Ooops I fergot I put castor oil in his whiskey. I hope the Indians don't catch him with his pants down. But I hope he gets them down in time." ;D :P
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"Ya think the Comanches will attack us?"
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Suddenly strange noises come from the river. "Pffflllaaaaattttt." :-\ :P
A large flock of Comanches' head south-east with their ponies at a dead run.
"Nope Slim, I think we are safe looks like they're gonin' back ta Fort Sill, we'll be safe cause they'll be in the other thread." Looks like Tinity saved us> But be sure ta get water from upstream." ;D
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"Well that's good. Can we get the sauerbraten cook'n? I ain't et in a couple of days. Or do we need them cookies that Gopher Grease has not made yet?"
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I bought some in Fort Sill, I'll sear the roast in some lard, you remove the peppercords and the bay leaf from the marinate. When the roast is seared we'll add the marinate and simmer it for 2-3 hours or until it is tender. We'll then use the gringersnap cookies ta make the gravy, would you also crush them please. ;D
If ya peel some tators we'll have boiled tators ta put the gravy over. I'd ask Trinity ta help but I'm not sure his hands are clean. :P
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"Sure I might be able to do that for you. Where is the roast, cookies, and taters?"
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The cookies are in my saddle bags, you wear hidin' from the Indians behind my crock and ya was usin' the sack of tators as a rifle rest. ;D
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Slim runs over, grabs the saddle bags, and does a great impersonation of the Cookie Monster.
"Cookies!" ;D
(http://www.angelfire.com/super2/sesameak/SesameC/CookieMonster.jpg)
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Not that great a onebut, "slim make sure I got about a dozen and a half, looks like there be that much liquid, sorry with the Indian scare I didn't have time ta make pumpernickel bread. :o
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"Tar mi be a don an hav lef." After Slim has had his fill of ginger snaps. He takes the peppercorns and the bay leaf from the marinate. He, then peels some tators. He gets his bed roll, lays it out next to the fire, and decides to take a nap. The expedition with the injuns done tuckered him out.
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Trinity drags back from the river "Damn! That were the worst blowout ever!" He goes over to his bed roll. As he passes Slim and Delmonico they cringe from the stench and notice a large brown stain in the seat of Trinity's pants! Trinity fishes a second pair of pants and a second pair of drawers out of his pack and heads back to the river with a shovel.
Later, Trinity returns in his... well, they aint new and they don't look clean, but at least they dont smell like $#!t duds. "Ah'm goin back to town. Whenever Ah drink in the saloon, Ah don get sick. It's almost like someone playin a joke on me! 'Sides, that derned Saurbraten is takin toooo long! Ah'll be back after Ah've had a gooood and legal drunk, like the first time we met!
Trinity straps on his gunbelt and mounts his horse and heads to town. "Mebbe Ah'll see the Sarge" he shouts over his shoulder.
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He must be just too busy ta come over here. I've seen him over on TFS when I've drifted over there. ;D
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As Trinity trots in the direction of town (he hopes) he begins to nod. He jerks his head up and shakes it in the effort to wake himself when he notices a familiar set of wagons rolling his way.
OH BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"They got clean likker... mebbe not other things, but the Doc is far away an cant do me no harm!!!"
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What Delmonico fergot ta mention is that Gopher Grease most likely knows more'n any "Old West" doctor cause he was a Navy Corpman. And he probbally be meaner than Doc Stone cause he was a Navy Corpman fer the Marines.
Don't do it Trinity, if ya come back diseased Gopher Grease gonna cut it off with a parin' knife. ;D
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Slim rides into camp with a turkey tied to the horn. "What's fer breakfast? Here is a turkey for supper. I didn't see any Comanches around this morning, but they are probably lying in wait to roast my brain."
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Yer safe, check the Fort Sill thread, they went back ta the Reservation. ;D
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Whew! ;D
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Ya got up early this mornin' good cause ya slept from yesterday afernoon. Ya want sauerbraten fer breakfast. ;D
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"Sauerbraten sounds good to me. Then, I will go shoot some buffs."
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Ya gonna have ta skin em' yerself, all ar' skinners have disapeared agin. ;D ;D
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"I might be able to do that. Ya got any grub I can take along? I will be out there for a couple of days." Slim gets a plate of sauerbraten and taters. He starts to eat. "Delmonico, this is some real good stuff. Sure better than beans." Slim finishes eating and gets packed for his buff hunt. He gets a few pack mules to carry back the hides.
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Delmonico says, "I know ya aint' goin out ta hunt buffelooo's, yer sneakin' home ta visit yer wife and 16 kids." ;D ;D
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Slim just rides off with out answerin', Delmonico knows he won't see Slim again till Monday. But Delmonico has a plan ta get Slim fer sneakin' off ta Wissyconsin. The Commanches over it the Fort Sill thread can waylay him up in Kansas, Delmonico check on the map, if Slim takes a direct path ta Wissyconin they can get him just west of Wichita. ;D ::)
Note left for Trinity and Gopher Grease. Went ta The Nations, be back soon. Slim went home fer the weekend again. We must plan a surprise fer him on Monday. Hang out in camp till I get back. GG bake us some fancy dessert for the trail if ya got time. Trinity, there is a couple of bottles of good sourmash in my tent in the army footlocker, enjoy, nothin' but sourmash, no additives. ;D
Delmonico
Delmonico posts the not on a dutch oven and ride for The Nations and the Fort Sill thread. ::) ::)
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Meanwhile, back with Trinity:
As Trinity nears the wagons he begins to salivate. Suddenly, the two deadbeat hands he had hired to help out in the buff hunt, Cable Hogue and the Rev. Joshua Douglas Sloan, stumbled out of the wagons. They had disappeared shortly after enjoying a free meal and no one knew where they went. Trinity rides up "So boys, there you be." They tried to explain why they disappeared, something about a greater calling, but Trinity wasn't listening. When they exited the wagons, they had failed to don their clothing and a mysterious multicolored rash around the groin attracted Trinity's attention. Before the fellows could finish their excuses, Trinity was on his way back to camp.
"Ah don' wan' nothin' that makes it look like THAT!!! :P"
Trinity doubles back to buy a bottle of Whiskey from the ladies. He first makes sure that the wax coating is intact before he leaves for the second time. On the way back to camp he looks around to make sure he is not in the nations, then opens the bottle and begins his quest to return to camp with an empty bottle. The bottle never seems to taste so good anymore once it has been sitting around the camp. Trinity is not quite sure what to think about this because a bottle of whiskey has always tasted good around the campfire. But Delmonico's fire is a different subject. "Ah always seem to get sick. It aint the food, Ah have a feelin Delmonico don like likker!" ::)
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Delmonico rides inta camp and the South of Dodge thread. Seein' no one around he sits down and starts bakin' some bread. He's got an idea again and it involes some travelin', most likely inta another thread. ;D
He thinks to himself, We've been down here most a week and ain't gettin' nothin' done. I hope Trinity shows up soon and we can get this idea a goin. ::)
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Tired of waitin' fer Trinity ta show up, Delmonico loads the wagon and leaves a note on a stake there for the guys ta see when the show up.
Going up to Hanging Woman Creek ta feed the mules.
Meet me in Kearney Nebraska in a few days.
Delmonico
He then heads north west with the wagon till he crosses the South Platte River and goes inta the Nuther Story thread.
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Trinity rides back into camp: "Tarnation! Where has everbody done gone to?" Trinity sees the note left by Delmonico and reads it.
"DANG!!!!!!!!!!! Now Ah gotta go on another trip and will have to pass the Ladies again. Ah hope Ah can remain strong an stay away! Now that Ah think about it, Ah don know where Newbrasky is. Ah'll hed north an stop at the first town ta ask. Now, just why dint Delmonico leave no food???"
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On the headwaters of Medicine Lodge Creek the Commanches settle down for the night in a plum thicket, right near the trail that Slim left on his way home ta see his wife and 16 kids on Friday evening. ;D
sometime after daylight Slim will be ridin' along here with the thought of try ta tell the guys he's been huntin' buffalooo's all weekend. ::) ::) ::) ::)
Delmonico will get logged on ta his computor in the mornin' and ambush Slim before he can get logged on and avoid the ambush. ;D ;D ;D ;D
(I know we ain't South of Dodge no more, but I didn't want ta start a new thread just ta scare Slim.)
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Slim comes ridin' along the trail he left Friday. As he draws near a plum thicket, 40 Commanches ride out from it. ;D Slim takes off for camp as fast as his horse will take him. ;D
About 5 miles from camp the Commaches break off and head back to the Fort Sill thread. ;D
Slim rides into the empty camp. ::)
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...and falls off his horse in complete exhaustion from riding fulll tilt away from the injuns. He falls asleep.
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A passing pack of coyotes see Slim sleepin' on the ground so the "Leader of the Pack" (Alpha Male to you scientist types) decides that Slim is part of his territory and marks him for every other coyote ta know, Slim belongs ta him. :o :o :P ;D Course that flock of Turkey vutures flyin' overhead don't care, they are just waitin' for him ta quit snorin'. ::)
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Slim wakes up. "What is that awful smell? Coyote pee!" Slim jumps up, grabs a bar of soap, and runs to the stream to wash the smell off him.
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After a sufficient washing, Slim gets out of the stream and builds a fire to dry his clothes. He sees Delmonico's note that says, "Going up to Hanging Woman Creek ta feed the mules. Meet me in Kearney Nebraska in a few days." He hangs up his wet clothes and puts on some dry ones. He eats some grub that Delmonico left and decides to turn in early so he can start at dawn for Kearney.
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Slim woke at dawn and packed up the camp. He rode north outta this thread.
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The Tonkawa's see that the Commanche's bumped their thread and are upset. Seein' how they are at peace they file a protest to their agent about it. this of course cause the thread ta be bumped. ;D