Completely Cracked Christmas Carols

[The Arapaho Kid]

       COMPLETELY CRACKED CHRISTMAS CAROLS
   This is a listing of some Christmas Carols that didn’t quite make it onto the "Top 40" most popular songs of the season list.
   It is entirely possible that you may have heard other versions of these songs during the Christmas Season.
   Please enjoy this little bit of humor and…Uh…try to keep the laughter down to a minimum.

1.  Bark The Barreled Angels Fling.
2.  Do You Beer What I Beer?
3.  Frosty The Hitman.
4.  Chipmunks…Roasting On An Open Fire.
5.  Rudolph The Red…Knows Rain…Dear!
6.  Santa’s Claws are all Turning Brown.
7.  I Came Upon A Midnight Beer.
8.  Cop On The Housetop.
9.  Away With The Stranger!
10.  Rudolph The Redneck Reindeer.
11.  Wreck The Halls With Bob’s Old Harley.
12.  I Saw Mommy Kicking Santy Claus!
13.  Chester…Roasting On An Open Fire.
14.  All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Feet.
15.  Old Rolly Kite.
16.  Wreck The Halls with Cows On Dolly’s
17.  We Three Kings Went Down To the Bar
18.  Santa Clause…Is Bumming Through Town
19.  Little Tumbler Boy
20.  Walking In My Winter Underwear
21.  Jingle Bulls
22.  It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like (a) Crashmess
23.  There’s No place Like Home For The Hollandaise
24.  I’m Dreaming Of A White Chrysalis
25.  Silent Flight

[Book Miser]

Arapaho, don't you have reloading to do, or something?   

Or is this the kind of stuff you think up while you're cranking the press handle? 

You KNOW, you're gonna start sumthin' here, don'cha?

 

[The Arapaho Kid]

Actually....I do enjoy the Christmas season and I am aware of the significance behind it.  But at this time of year when stress can become a little overbearing and the walls start closing in, and you're backed into a corner and low on bullets...it is always good to have a little humor to fall back on.  I mean no disrespect to anyone, or the season with this.  This is a simple:  "C'mon...lighten up and have a laugh on me" thing.

[Advertising]

[Micheal Fortune]

I vote for 11, 3 and my favorite 2!     Missing is "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire - Owwwwww!"

[Delmonico]

He forgot my favorite:  Hark the Harelipped Angels Sing.

If you don't behave I'll have to tell you the story about why there are angels on the Chistmas tree.

[Book Miser]

Shoot, Arapaho, I was just appreciatin' them, especially #10, 18 and 20.

Gotta sit down and think of some to add, but I don't generally start drinkin' until after sundown.

 

Where Christmas is concerned, I need all the laffs I can get. We lost my daddy two days after Christmas, about 28 years ago, and I gotta laugh to keep from cryin' this time of the year.

[J.D. Stawker]

I am afraid of Christmas. You have Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire and jack frost nipping at your nose. Man I don't want to lose my nuts or my nose.

[Micheal Fortune]

Delmonico, I know how the Angle got on the top of the tree...

Santa was having a really, really bad day and a knock on the door, Santa opened it and a little Angle was there with this big tree and said "Santa, where do want to put this tree?"   

[The Arapaho Kid]

Shoot, Arapaho, I was just appreciatin' them, especially #10, 18 and 20.

Gotta sit down and think of some to add, but I don't generally start drinkin' until after sundown.

 

Where Christmas is concerned, I need all the laffs I can get. We lost my daddy two days after Christmas, about 28 years ago, and I gotta laugh to keep from cryin' this time of the year.

Well....I have posted that list in other forums and I caught a lot of flack for it from some of the overly religious people with no sense of humor. I wanted everyone to know that I am neither slam dunking Christmas, or the reason for it, or the songs attached to it.  At this time of year a good sense of humor is important.

[Delmonico]

That's it Mike, I learnt that on 31 years ago this year.  But when I tell it it takes longer.

[Book Miser]

Nobody could successfully accuse me of being overly sensitive or of having taste, and you gotta use my real-life name if you want to insult me.

As far as religion goes, I can't imagine a Creator without a sense of humor. Otherwise, when Adam got lonely, He'd have created another guy, to be Adam's hunting-buddy.

 

[Delmonico]

Book< I was told the same thing by a friend a mine who is now gone.  He was a school teacher, fact is he taught at the College level.  Most a his students were intended to go forth and be preachers.  His PHD was in Theolagy and he never understood why anyone would think God did not like a funny joke. 

His story about buyin' the AK-47 from a street urchin while on missonary duty in Saigon would make you laugh so hard tears would come to yer eyes.  The poor ol' preacher just wanted a keep sake.  He didn't realize they would not let him take it home.

[Frenchie]

Every year my brother and I sing, "It's beginning to look a lot like syphilis, every time I go..." and every year we get yelled at. Ain't traditions grand? 

[Book Miser]

Don't remember who sang it, but I can recall:

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus,
Underneath the mistletoe last night.
Their kissin' was so loud, it woke up Uncle Fud.
It sounded like a cow a-pullin' its foot out of the mud.
etcetera

And Lordy, I wish I knew how to make digital files outta old records. I have a 45 demo record that we received one year whilst I was workin' in radio (about 32 years ago). The "A" side is "Rudolph," recorded by an outfit called the U.S. Arm Band. It's a dandy 4-part arrangement done by a buncha guys doing armpit farts.

[Joyce (AnnieLee)]

I've heard the armpit version of Rudolph and it cracked me up. Sure wish I had a copy of it now, my fifteen year old would think it was a hoot.

Back in the late '70s, when we played D&D, we'd sing:

Gnome nuts roasting on an open fire,
Elf skins flapping in the breeze....

And then I'd sic some monster on the poor, wayward adventurers and the cursing would begin.

Hee hee hee.

AnnieLee

[Book Miser]

AnnieLee, I can probably record those two songs on a cassette tape, if that'd work. PM me with a mailing address if yer interested.

[Hemlock Mike]

Many years ago -- POGO (remember him ?) and his swamp buddies did a song  called "Deck us all with Boston Charlie"    Great song and I still have all the words to it.

Mike

[Book Miser]

Mike: ALL the words? My memory is a little flaky--OK, it's very flaky--but it seems to me that every time Boston Charlie turned up in Pogo, there were yet more verses.

Last winter I visited the federal park in the Okefenokee Swamp. There's a little Walt Kelly museum there, and it includes a tableau of Kelly at his drawing board. It's furnished with stuff from his estate. Most interesting thing was that he apparently kept the Webster's Third New International (unabridged) dictionary right next to the drawing table. Not surprising, really. The guy was a class act.

[Brazos Bucky Smith]

    Michael, I never heard it before AND I AM STILL LAUGHING!  THANKS FOR MAKING MY DAY!  MERRY CHRISTMAS

Brazos

[The Arapaho Kid]

Many years ago -- POGO (remember him ?) and his swamp buddies did a song  called "Deck us all with Boston Charlie"    Great song and I still have all the words to it.

Mike

"Deck us all with Boston Charlie...
Walla Walla Wash. and Kalamazoo!
Nora's freezing on the trolly...
Swaller Dollar. cauliflower, allagaroo!"