Sort of morbid...just thinking out loud.

[Forty Rod]

I went to a funeral Friday morning and it set me to thinking.

My wife and I are both in agreement that we donate whatever anyone can use and burn the rest.  We have both signed copies of Do Not Resucitate and No Extreme Measures documents, too.

Now, after I sat there listening to endless BS about the "dearly departed", I came home and discussed something else with my wife.

I don't want a service of ANY kind.  NONE!

I don't want some clergyman bloviating endlessly about my life, especially when they know absolutely nothing about me and have never taken the time to learn.

I don't want friends and associates to sit there uncomfortably in a religious ceremony that they are not familiar with and don't beleive in.

I don't want anyone to reconfirm their religion at my services.

I don't want anyone to discuss religion after the services.

I don't WANT any services, period.

I don't want any tears shed for any reason.  Certainly not because I'm gone and my REAL friends and family feel sad about their loss.  Don't cry for me.  I'm going to be out of all the world's problems and pains.

Also I don't want anyone to cry over me because they get caught up in the emotion of the event. 

I do NOT want anyone crying over my demise because it's the socially acceptable thing to do, and finally, I don't want anyone crying over me because they want to be seen as "caring".

I don't want the expense in money, time, and effort required of a funeral.

I don't want anyone to get a hernia carrying my few charred remains anywhere.

I don't want anyone taking time off from work or leisure to come see me off. 

I don't want even one car in a procesion blocking traffic and preventing the rest of the world from getting on about its business.

I don't want even a tiny plot of real estate to be set aside for me.  Better it is used for a park orr picnic ground....or a shooting range.

If anyone feels the necessity of doing something nice to remember me, there is The Salvation Army.  Give them some money, or better yet, donate your time.

And finally, if my wishes are over-ridden and any phony dipwad that I can't stand anyhow shows up at the services, I'll get up and walk the hell out.

Now, there is one thing I'd appreciate.  Maybe six months or a year after I'm gone, somebody organize a modest dinner somewhere and whoever shows up can pay for my wife's meal.  Play my favorite music, laugh a lot, and have a good time.  No sadness allowed.  I WILL haunt you if you get maudlin on me.

And if you see a dog, take time out to stop and pet it.

Thanks.

[Delmonico]

I hope they follow your wishes, a person should go out as they wish.   A friend passed on with cancer about 18 years ago, he planned his and they followed his wishes.  We stopped by the Funeral Home and followed the hearse out to the cematary, they laid him to rest and the pall bearers filled in the hole.  We then went back to the church and not one but two sky pilots spoke in turn, but they were also close friends of his, not just someone.  they explained it all, Dave just hated going to funerals and decided to miss his own.

Sadly my wishes can't be met, wanted buried on the west hill at Rock Creek Station in an unmarked grave, to much leagal hassel, just thought it might be intersting and handy since there are several unmarked ones from the Oregon Trail Days. 

And Pard, I hope yer with us a while longer, I'd miss not havin' around.

[Four-Eyed Buck]

Forty, I know you're usually grumpy, but this kinda felt rather off beat. Something up?

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[Joyce (AnnieLee)]

Dear Forty,

My dad felt much the same way, as do I. But when he died, I had a harsh lesson. The services aren't for the dead, they are for the living. Please allow your family and friends to meet and to cry. You will be missed, deeply. Asking those who love you to not express that genuine feeling may be nearly impossible for some to do.

Against my father's wishes, the members of my family who were in the US congregated. They spent an afternoon sitting around the house and mostly telling stories. Yep, there were tears, but there was even more laughter. And it brought them together and enabled them to say goodbye. So, while there was no official service, there was a remembrance and in my mind, it was a good thing.

I lived in Germany at the time and for various reasons was not allowed to attend. It is one of my few regrets.

Please, Forty. You'll be gone, let them remember and start to heal.

AnnieLee, who found nothing morbid about the post.

[El Peludo]

Forty Rod, I think you have pretty well stated exactly what many folks think these days; I know I think that same way.  But, Annie Lee does have a point; I'll make the decision as to what is to be done with my remains, and then leave the rest up to the folks who have to deal with the small space I leave behind.  It'll be no skin off my nose - literally.  If they want to get together and wail and thrash themselves with weeds, and it makes them feel better, good; if they just go on about their regular lives, and kindly remember me by saying nothing harsher than "he was sure a grouchy old fart", that's ok, too.  It's them that has to get on with livin' here; I'm gonna be done with it.

[Forty Rod]

Nothin' special, Buck, just cogitatin'. 

Not like I discovered my own mortality or nothin' like that.  Did that years ago in 'Nam.  It ain't on my mind a lot, an' I ain't afraid of dyin', not that I'm all that anxious to go.  There'sa LOT I ain't got around to doin' yet, an' leavin' now would be irksome in a major way.

As for the rest, if I can't go out my way, I ain't goin' out at all.  So there.

I had a friend die on me 'most twenty years ago.  Just dropped dead so fast the book he was readin' was in his lap an' his cigar burned down to his fingers.

Cremation, no service, no notice in the papers except what the law required.

Seemed harsh at the time, but it's like ol' Ray just stepped out for a minute.  He'll be right back.

No "closure". None needed. It's the right way for me, too.

But............................................................in the meantime, I think I'll stick around an' annoy the hell out of folks for a spell, yet.

[Joyce (AnnieLee)]

It's morning, I've had some sleep, a few sips of coffee and went back and read Forty's post.

Got one question for you, Forty, about the real estate for your ashes. What do you want done with them? There's already a place set aside for you, if you want it. Since you are a veteran, you and your wife can be enurred ( I think that's the right word, it's for ashes, not bodies) at Arlington National Cemetary or any vet's cemetary, free of charge. I believe they even pay for shipping. The vet and spouse go into the same niche in a columbarium. The face of the niche is about 8x10 with enough room for your names, dates of service and a religious symbol. It's special without being special, one of thousands. It's something to consider, you've earned it.

As for the rest, the 'family of your heart', the people who truly were close to you are gonna do what they are going to do. Your wishes keep the "funeral ghouls" out of the picture. I'm all for it and feel the same way.

Annie < who'd buy lunch for your wife > Lee

[Delmonico]

Early in his career John Denver did some Tom Paxton songs, I have this song by both.  Most likely the only time John Denver was censored was when he sang this at a rehearsal for John Carson in 'bout 71.  The story I heard was Johnny 'bout died laughin' and word came from above, (the network silly) not to do it.  I offer it here as both humor and the truth.


Oh lay me down in Forest Lawn in a silver casket
Put golden flowers over my head in a silver basket
Let the drum and bugle corp play taps while the cannons roar
And sixteen libertied employees sell souvenirs from the funeral store

I want to go simply when I go
They'll give me a simple funeral there I know
With a casket lined in fleece
And fireworks spelling out rest in peace
Oh take me when I'm gone to Forest Lawn






Oh lay me down in Forest Lawn they understand there
They have a heavenly choir and a military band there
Just put me in their care I'll find my comfort there
With sixteen planes and a last salute they'll drop across in a parachute

I want to go simply when I go
They'll give me a simple funeral there I know
With a hundred strolling strings
And topless dancers with golden wings
Oh take me when I'm gone to Forest Lawn

Oh, come, come, come, come
Come to the church in the wild wood
Kindly leave a contribution in the pail
Be as simple and as trusting as a child would
And we'll sell you the church in the Dale

To find a simple resting place is my desire
To lay me down with a smiling face comes a little bit higher
My likeness cast in brass will stand in plastic grass
While hidden weights and springs tip it's hat to the mourners filing passed

I want to go simply when I go
They'll give me a simple funeral there I know
I'll lie beneath the sand
With piped in tapes of Billy Graham
Oh take me when I'm gone to Forest Lawn

Rock of ages cleft for me
Forest's lightly higher fee
Oh take me when I'm gone to Forest Lawn

Amen

Words and music by Tom Paxton

Ok Forty, ya might want to think about the topless dancers with Golden Wings.

Heck I make yer wife lunch.

[Forty Rod]

No offense intended, Annie, but I want to be about as far from Wash. DC as I can get.  My spirit wouldn't be happy there.   

Ashes go up Logan Canyon in northern Utah, off the main canyon at Temple Fork back about four miles.  Beautiful place.  It's where God goes to enjoy his personal time and get away from it all.

If anyone feels a "marker" is necessary, have some labels printed up and put them inside some good books.  Donate them to a public library.

I can provide a list of the books I would approve.

[Curley Cole]

4tRod

Iffin they did plant you in a regular cemetery they would have to be sure to put up a big old "keep off the Lawn" sign.....

in all seriousness, I agree you should have your wishes honored, but I agree that your family and friends should be allowed to morn (or laugh) at your passing.

When I go I will probably be cremated, I don't want to take up any more real estate than necessary, but, I do want to have some one play Amazing Grace on the "pipes" for me. (got that from me dear departed mother.)

a sad thread, but good to be thinking about your plans.

PS: well, it is raining here AGAIN, we will probably break the record this week. We are having flash flood watches, and lightning with thunder that is shaking the buildings and setting off car alarms all over the place..(Californinans are not used to this kind of weather....)

curley (looking for a row boat....)

[Forty Rod]

How long can you tread water?

My feet have become webbed again (first time since i left Seattle in '69) and I have gills growing behind my ears (first time since I left Seattle in '63.)

[litl rooster]

Rod, I am with you on this funeral thing, would just rather know you were thinking of me when you pet a dog or a horse.

I buried my Dad last summer and don't think he wanted his funeral the way it was,of course he paid for it ahead of time... But I still can't see it was what he wanted. I know it's not what i want.  My wife buried her father a couple of months ago, her family did what he wanted, then took his ashes up the mountain and did like he asked.

the cowboy prayer, something to the effect of; When I die take my hide and tan it into saddle leather and make a womans saddle out of it so i can be between the 2 things I love the most.
Beautiful Horses and Fast women.  Silly or not, This will work for me.

[Capt. Hamp Cox]

Buried my mom the 4th of this month, which would have been her 87th birthday.  She had had Alzheimer's for nearly 15 years, and had been nearly totally unresponsive for almost ten years.  Her death was a blessing.  Had a graveside funeral with only her children and grandkids, their spouses, and her great grandkids in attendance.  Only preachers  there were a grandson, and the husband of one of her granddaughters.  Scripture read was the 23rd Psalm.  Each familly member present (who so desired) said a few words about their memories of her and how she had influenced their lives.  Short, simple, and sufficient to provide closure for us, and being the very private person she was, I think she would have been pleased.

My family already knows my wishes on this matter.  I am to be cremated.  My son knows he will inherit all of my reloading equipment.  He already has instructions to keep my ashes on his reloading bench and to put a pinch of my ashes in each of his hunting loads so that some part of me will continue to participate in somethning I love, long after I am gone.

Forty Rod, is that your photo, and if so, is that a flamin' piss pot on your collar?   

[Forty Rod]

Yeah, Hamp, that's me, ca. 1967-68.  I was CO of the 526th Maintenance Company (HE)(GS), Machinato Service Area on Okinawa.

That little piece of metal on my collar is "Da Bomb" many years before it became slang. 

NOTE: I don't look like that any more.  I still look great, but I don't look like that any more. 

[Capt. Hamp Cox]

Dec '68 - Dec '69 I was in Thailand, the first six months at USARSUPTHI HQ in Korat, and the last six months as CO of the 562d Maint Co (LT)(DS) down near Sattahip.

[Forty Rod]

I left The Rock for 'Nam in August of '68, stayed until August of '69, the came back Stateside where I spent three years in the active reserve before resigning my Commission and joining the Marine Corps as a Staff Sergeant in Novemberr of '72.

Go figure.

"It seemed to be a good idea at the time!"

[Old Top]

Forty Rod,

All I can say is never underestimate the power of human stupidity, and Lord knows I have done that enough.

Old Top