Author Topic: another slice of wry  (Read 139851 times)

Offline larryJ

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Re: another slice of wry
« Reply #10 on: June 27, 2009, 06:21:18 pm »
Enough reminiscing!  Back to a slice of wry.

The young fellow was being sold a very cheap suit.  "But the left arm is a lot longer than right arm," he complained.

"That's why the suit is such a bargain," the sales clerk explained.  "Just cock your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like this."

"But the right leg is way too short," argued the customer.

"No problem," the sales clerk answered.  "Just keep your right knee bent a little at all times, walk like this, and no one will notice.  That's why this suit is only $30."

Finally, the fellow bought the suit, cocked his left shoulder into the air, tucked the suit's left lapel under his chin, bent his right knee, and limped out of the store toward his car.


Two doctors happened along and noticed him.  "Good Heavens," the first Doctor said, "look at that poor fellow."

"Yeah," answered the second Doctor, "But doesn't that suit fit him great?"

Larryj
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Offline larryJ

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Re: another slice of wry
« Reply #11 on: June 28, 2009, 10:09:14 am »
Todays------------------------------appropriate for a beautiful Sunday day.

When a local Doctor began attending church services, the minister was absolutely delighted, and it wasn't long before they were helping each other in their work; the minister referring people to the doctor and vice versa.

One referral from the Doctor stopped by the church office with a note prescribing the minister's last four sermons.  The minister was most pleased until he discovered that..............................the patients problem was insomnia!

Larryj
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Offline larryJ

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Re: another slice of wry
« Reply #12 on: June 30, 2009, 12:53:16 pm »
todays------

A couple was going out for the evening.  They had gotten ready - all dolled up:  put the cat out and all the other necessities. 

The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out the door, the car scurried back inside the house. A somewhat rowdy cat, they certainly did not want to let her have free run of the house while they were away, so the husband went back upstairs to escort the feline out the back door.

The wife, not wanting it to be known that the house would be empty, explained to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband got into the car and said, "Sorry I took so long" he says, "stubborn old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a broom handle to get her to come out."  :o
« Last Edit: June 30, 2009, 03:34:26 pm by larryJ »
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Offline Judy Harder

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Re: another slice of wry
« Reply #13 on: June 30, 2009, 02:16:52 pm »
That got a giggle.
Thanks
Today, I want to make a difference.
Here I am Lord, use me!

Offline larryJ

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Re: another slice of wry
« Reply #14 on: July 01, 2009, 06:54:01 pm »
The patient went to his Doctor because he had the flu.  The Doctor wrote out a prescription for him in his usual Illegible handwriting. The patient stuck in his pocket, but forgot to get the tablets from the pharmacy.

Every morning, for two years, he showed it to the conductor as a railroad pass.  Twice, it got him into the movies, once into the soccer stadium, and once into the symphony.  He showed it to his boss and got a raise.

One day he mislaid it.  His daughter picked it up, played it on the piano and won a scholarship to the Conservatory of Music.

Larryj
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Offline larryJ

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Re: another slice of wry
« Reply #15 on: July 02, 2009, 08:50:31 am »
A new, inexperienced waitress said she was concerned about being able to carry the heavy trays and serve from them.  A co-worker explained that there were tray stands placed throughout the restaurant.

The nervous beginner served all her lunches successfully and afterward asked a table of two if everything had been all right.

"It was fine, honey," replied one man, "but my friend and I have to leave now.  Could he please have his walker back?"

Larryj
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Offline larryJ

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Re: another slice of wry
« Reply #16 on: July 03, 2009, 11:32:23 am »
Have you ever wondered why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Anarctica?  Where do they go?  Wonder no more!!!!
 
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.  The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring thoughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the icy surface, other members of the family and social circle have been know to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing: "Freeze a jolly good fellow!"

Larryj



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Offline larryJ

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Re: another slice of wry
« Reply #17 on: July 04, 2009, 12:13:36 pm »
Happy fourth, everybody!!!  ;D ;D I hope this makes your day a little better.

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped inches from a crowded restaurant's window.

For a moment, there was silence,, then the driver said, "Geeze, you scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized profusely and said he didn't realize that a little tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault.  You see, today is my first day as a cab driver.  I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.   ;D
« Last Edit: July 04, 2009, 07:14:47 pm by larryJ »
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Offline Catwoman

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Re: another slice of wry
« Reply #18 on: July 04, 2009, 12:28:44 pm »
LOL  :D :D :D

Offline larryJ

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Re: another slice of wry
« Reply #19 on: July 05, 2009, 11:09:11 am »
Appropriate for a beautiful Sunday morning----------------

Indications that your Pastor really enjoys westerns:

1.  His sermon on Revelation is titled, "Showdown at High Noon."
2.  At the end of services, he replaces altar call with "roundup"
3.  Refers to the Deacon's meetings as "a campfire chat."
4.  Keeps referring to "brothers" as Hoss and Little Joe.
5.  Walks into the pulpit with a hearty "Hi-Yo Silver."
6.  Always refers to his Bible as "My Six-Shooter."
7.  Has ushers tie bandanas around their faces and pass around ten-gallon hats instead of offering plates.
8.  When performing a wedding, he begins the ceremony with, "Howdy, Pardners!"
9.  Refers to the next fellowship dinner as "gathering around the chuck wagon."
10. Asks for the song "Rawhide" to be sung during the altar call.

AND, the number one sign that your Pastor is addicted to westerns...................


Kepps mumbling two words:  Holy Chaps!

Larryj
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