You Make Me Laugh

[Judy Harder]

TODAY'S CLEAN LAUGH

*Late Night Studying*

My husband, Cal, grew increasingly displeased as our teenage daughter and her boyfriend studied in her room late one evening. Finally losing patience shortly after midnight, he knocked sharply on her door. Her boyfriend immediately opened it and asked if something was wrong.

"I have to ask you to move your car," Cal told him.

"Oh, sure. Is it in someone's way?"

"No," Cal replied, "it's at the wrong address."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

[Judy Harder]

TODAY'S CLEAN LAUGH

*Minister Call*

A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar.

During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother.

Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone right now. She's hitting the bottle."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

[Judy Harder]

TODAY'S CLEAN LAUGH

*Stern Announcement*

During a sermon one Sunday, the pastor heard two teenage girls in the back giggling and disturbing people.

He interrupted his sermon and announced sternly, "There are two of you here who have not heard a word I've said." That quieted them down.

When the service was over, he went to greet people at the front door. Three different adults apologized for going to sleep in church, promising it would never happen again.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

[Judy Harder]

TODAY'S CLEAN LAUGH

*Things to do When Your ISP Goes Down*

1. Dial 911 immediately.

2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past 2 years.

3. You mean there's something else to do?

4. Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote.

5. Work.

6. Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family.

7. Get that kidney transplant you've been putting off.

8. Sleep (and dream about surfing the Internet)!

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

[Judy Harder]

Today's giggles...
 ________________________________
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her

 someplace

expensive....so, I took her to a gas station..... and then the fight

 started....
 *********************************************************
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Milller Light for

 $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.  I told her the

 beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.  And

 that's when the fight started.

*********************************************************************
 My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and

 I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone

 at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to

drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear

 she hasn't been sober since.'

 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on

 celebrating that long?'

 And then the fight started.....
**********************************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the

 road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.You know how

 sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just

seem funny?

 Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!

 He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT

 HAPPY!!!'

 So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

 And that's how the fight started.....

 *********************************************************************
  I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took

 my order first.

 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
 
 He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

 'Nah, she can order for herself.'

 And that's how the fight started.....

[Diane Amberg]

Choke! 

[Judy Harder]

TODAY'S LAUGH
 
Great Writer
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages. 

[Judy Harder]

TODAY'S LAUGH
 
School Carpool
It was my day to drive the carpool.  We were riding home from school this afternoon when a 5 year old asked me how the moon shines.

Trying to sound smarter then a 5 year old, I explained, "The light from the Sun is hitting the moon and being reflected back and we are able to see the light.  It's like when you look into a mirror and the light reflects back your image and you can see yourself." I was very proud of myself for sounding brighter then this child.

She promptly replied, "Mrs. Snodgrass, I never glow like the moon in the mirror, so how does it glow?"

Well, she had me there and I answered, "That is why your parents are sending you to school...so you can find out and tell me."

[Judy Harder]

TODAY'S LAUGH
 
Some Things You Can't Escape
A convict managed to escape from prison and his escape was the lead item on the six o'clock news.

So not to be captured, he ran through fields and traveled through back roads until he reached his wife's house.

When he reached the house, he rang the bell, his wife opened the door and screamed,

"You lousy bum! Where have you been? You escaped more than six hours ago!" 

[Judy Harder]

George's Mother-In-Law

George went on a vacation to the Middle East with his family including his mother-in-law. During their vacation in Jerusalem George's Mother-in-law died. With the death certificate in his hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the United States for a proper burial.

The Consul told George that to send the body back to the United States for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost him as much as $5,000.00. The Consul told him, in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here in Jerusalem. This would only cost him $150.00.

George thinks for sometime and answers, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back; that's
what I want to do."

The Consul says "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price."

"No, it's not that," says George. "You see, I know of a case many, many years ago of a man that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead! I just can't take that chance!