another slice of wry

[larryJ]

Today's-------------------busy day, a bit late.

As my mom ages, visits to a variety of doctors have become more frequent along with a plethora of prescriptions in order to take care of this, that and the other thing.

Accompanying her on a recent pharmaceutical trip, the pharmacist was going over the directions on a prescription bottle and he said emphatically, "be sure not to take this more often than every four hours."

Mom looked at him with a twinkle in her eyes and said, "Don't worry about that...............it takes me four hours to get the lids off.

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Today------------Actress-comedian Kaye Ballard is 84, Actress Estelle Parsons is 82, TV personality Richard Dawson is 77. comedian Dick Smothers is 71, Vice President Joe Biden is 67 and Actress Bo Derek is 53 (gulp).

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Larryj

[sixdogsmom]

I just cannot imagine Bo Derek at 53; has anyone seen a recent picture? 

[larryJ]

Today's---------------------------Big Groaner, this one is.

Checking the menu, a restaurant customer ordered a bowl of vegetable soup.  After a couple of spoonfuls, he noticed a circle of dampness right under the bowl on the tablecloth.

He called the waitress to his table and said, " It's all wet there," pointing to the tablecloth, "The bowl must be cracked."

The waitress said, "You ordered the vegetable soup, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, there must be a leek in it."

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Today------Baseball Hall-of-Famer Stan Musial is 89,  Actor Joseph Campanella is 82, Actress Marlo Thomas is 72 and Actress Goldie Hawn is 64.

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In 1927, picketing strikers at the Columbine Mine in northern Colorado were fired on by state police;  six miners were killed.

In 1934, The Cole Porter musical "Anything Goes" starring Ethel Merman as Reno Sweeney, opened on Broadway.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-------------------------------you are going to love this one!!

The congregation was celebrating the 100th anniversary of their church and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance.

At one point, the church's current minister had the children gather at the altar for a talk about the importance of the day and the bishop's presence.

He began by asking, "Does anyone know what the bishop does?"

There was silence.  Finally, one little boy answered gravely, "He's the one that you can move diagonally."

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In 1935, a flying boat, the China Clipper, took off from Alameda, CA., carrying more than 100,000 pieces of mail on the first trans-Pacific airmail flight.

In 1963, President John F. Kennedy was shot to death while riding in a motorcade in Dallas, Texas.  Texas Gov. John B Connally was seriously wounded.  Suspect Lee Harvey Oswald was arrested.

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Today----Actor Robert Vaughn is 77, Actor Michael Callan is 74 and Tennis player Billie Jean King is 66.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's---------------------------------------------WARNING!!!!   Put down your coffee cup before reading this one.

An industrious turkey farmer had been experimenting with breeding to produce a better turkey.  You see, his family was fond of the leg portion and, obviously, there were never enough legs for everyone.

After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store.

"Well, I finally did it.  I bred a turkey that has six legs!"  They all asked the farmer how it tasted.

"Don't know," said the turkey farmer.  "I haven't been able to catch him."

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In 1889, the first jukebox made its debut in San Francisco at the Palais Royale Saloon.

In 1936, Life, the photojournalism magazine created by Henry R. Luce, was first published.

In 1963, President Lyndon B. Johnson proclaimed Nov. 25 a day of national mourning following the assassination of President John F. Kennedy.

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Today----------------Actress Susan Anspach is 67 and Actor Steve Landesberg is 64.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's-----------------------------------------------

Long lines were supposed to be a thing of the past once our neighborhood supermarket installed a self-serve checkout counter.

Customers easily figured it out --- except for the woman at the front of my line.  In its oddly irritating computer-generated voice, the machine kept reminding her to take one item after another out of the scanning zone before she could check the next item.

There was a constant "Move -- your -- produce" and "Move -- your -- milk" and so on.  Everyone in the growing line was getting restless, but even we had to laugh when she left a bag of dinner rolls on the scanner and the machine commanded, "Move -- your -- buns.

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In 1963, Jack Ruby shot and mortally wounded Lee Harvey Oswald, the accused assassin of President John F. Kennedy, in a scene captured on live television.


In 1971, hijacker D.B. Cooper parachuted from a Northwest Orient Airlines 727 over Washington state with $200,000 in ransom.  His fate remains unknown.

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Today-----Rock drummer Pete  Best, original Beatles drummer before they became famous, is 68 and Actor Billy Connolly is 67.

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Larryj

[larryJ]

Today's----------------------out of the mouths of babes--------------

When Brandon's mother found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen.  And, at home little Brandon overheard some of his parents' private conversations.

One day, when Brandon and his mother were shopping, a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby.  "Yes!" Brandon answered, "and I know what we're gonna name it, too."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, if it's a girl, we're going to call her Christina, and if it's another boy we're going to call it Quits."

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In 1963, the body of John F. Kennedy was laid to rest at Arlington National Cemetery.

In 2002, President George W. Bush signed legislation creating the Department of Homeland Security, and appointed Tom Ridge to be its chief.

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Today------------------Actress Kathryn Crosby is 76, Singer Percy Sledge is 69 and Actor John Larroquette is 62

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Larryj

[larryJ]

BONUS------------------------------today's reminded me of another one.


A soldier was overseas and was getting daily reports of his wife's pregnancy.  Finally, she called and told him she had given birth to twins, a boy and a girl.

Excitedly, he asked what names she had finally decided on.

"Oh," she said, "I couldn't decide so I let my brother name them."

Fearing the worst possible names from his Polish brother-in-law, he hesitantly asked what he had named the babies.

"Well," she said, "the girl is Denise."  The soldier thought that was okay.  He asked, "and the boy?"






Wait for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





"Denephew."

Larryj

[Diane Amberg]

 

[larryJ]

Today's--------------------I expected some kind of Thanksgiving humor---


Stan rushed into a flower shop.  "I need some potted geraniums," he said urgently to the clerk.

"I'm sorry," the clerk said, "we don't have potted geraniums.  Could you use some African Violets instead?"

"No," Stan said, "It was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone."

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In 1789, was a day of thanksgiving set aside by President George Washington to observe the adoption of the Constitution of the United States.

In 1973, President Richard Nixon's personal secretary, Rose Mary Woods, told a federal court that she had accidentally caused part of the 18-minute gap in a key Watergate tape.

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Today-----------Impressionist Rich Little is 71 and Singer Tina Turner is 70.

(We saw Tina Turner in concert a few years ago and she was dancing and singing like she was 20 years old.  What a performance!)

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Larryj