Chuckles

[angtown3]

And I am sure that he wouldn't mind making them either!!!  LOL!!!

[Teresa]

Ordering a Pizza in 2012 This is absolutely hilarious, but the scary part about it is that it's probably not too far away from being reality, providing Obama has his way with socialized medicine, and digitizing medical records.
 
Want to know how to order a pizza in 2012? Click the link and see.

 
 Turn up the volume, listen closely and watch the pointer!

www.aclu.org/pizza/images/screen.swf

[Teresa]

 

[flintauqua]

Ordering a Pizza in 2012 This is absolutely hilarious, but the scary part about it is that it's probably not too far away from being reality, providing Obama has his way with socialized medicine, and digitizing medical records.
 
Want to know how to order a pizza in 2012? Click the link and see.

 
 Turn up the volume, listen closely and watch the pointer!

www.aclu.org/pizza/images/screen.swf

George Orwell was off 28 years.

[Teresa]

What is the difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu?
For bird flu you need tweetment and for swine flu you need oinkment

[Teresa]

You just can't fix stupid!!

"Sure Wish Somebody Would Invent Something To Keep The Sun Out Of My Eyes."

[Wilma]

I choked on that one.

[Teresa]

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer cooler.

 One nun said to the other, "Wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?"


The second nun answered "Indeed it would Sister, but I wouldn't feel comfortable buying beer as I am certain that it would cause a scene at the check-out counter."

"I can handle that without a problem" she replied as she picked up a six-pack and headed for the check-out.

The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six-pack of beer.


"We use beer for washing our hair" the nun said, "A shampoo, of sorts, if you will."

Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks and placed them in the bag with the beer. He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled and said, "The curlers are on the house."

 

[Teresa]

While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room.  As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent.  Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair.  Placing his hand on the man's, he said, 'I know how you feel.  My mom makes me ride in the stroller too.'.

  * * *
As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room.  Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing. After mulling over my answers, she remarked, 'My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them.'

* * *

Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little wistful.  'In ten years,' I said, 'you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now. Carolyn shrugged. 'In ten years you'll be too old to do all those things anyway.'

  * *

 Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children.  One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Libbie her needle. 'No, no, no!' she screamed. 'Libbie,' scolded her mother, 'that's not polite behavior.' With that, the girl yelled even louder, 'No, thank you! No, thank you!



 * * *

 On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson asked my son the question. 'Dad, I know that babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?' he asked innocently. After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. 'You don't have to make something up, Dad.  It's OK if you don't know the answer.'

  * * *

Just before I was deployed to Iraq , I sat my eight-year-old son down and broke the news to him. 'I'm going to be away for a long time,' I told him.  'I'm going to Iraq .' 'Why?' he asked.  'Don't you know there's a war going on over there?'

* * *

Paul Newman founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for children stricken with cancer, AIDS and blood diseases.  One afternoon he and his wife, Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with the kids. A counselor at a nearby table, suspecting the young patients wouldn't know that Newman was a famous movie star, explained, 'That's the man who made this camp possible.  Maybe you've seen his picture on his salad dressing bottle?' Blank stares. 'Well, you've probably seen his face on his lemonade carton.' An eight-year-old girl perked up.  'How long was he missing?'

 * *

His wife's grave side service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.

[Teresa]

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the Best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York , says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."


The second, from Chicago , responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon, from Dallas , says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers... Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington , DC shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.