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Cas City Forum Hall & CAS-L  |  GENERAL TOPICS  |  Tall Tales (Moderator: Silver Creek Slim)  |  Topic: Nuther Story! 0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic. « previous next »
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Author Topic: Nuther Story!  (Read 29666 times)
Silver Creek Slim
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« Reply #25 on: September 07, 2004, 11:48:48 am »

Thanks for the grub.
I try it stay away from them new-fangled 'lectric thingys.

My, the wagon boss.  Huh I might have to get a bullwhip the next time I go ta town.

We might need more than the 5 of us for the roundup. Go ahead and signon a few more punchers that don't look like a lot of trouble.

I'll be back fer supper if I got the boys in tow or not. I am not gonna miss cheese sandvishes.  Grin

*Slim gets on his horse (from the left side) and rides off in the direction Delmonico said he saw the wagon of "ladies".*
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Delmonico
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« Reply #26 on: September 07, 2004, 12:50:19 pm »

Well Slim ate the rest of the grub, where does he put all that, maybe he's got a tapeworm,  \might have ta dig up the turpintine and dose him.   Tongue   

Well I got the ovens and the rest of the dishes done.  With the bread fer the sanviches done all I needs ta do is figger out dessert and I gots and idea.  Sinch the Sarge didn't want the brandy, I'll just make some sourdough pankakes and pour the brandy over them and lites it on fyre.  Sourdough Crepe Suzzetes, must be careful though, least it ain't windy ta day, last time I made those Slim dropped his plate and the prairie fire went fer a long and burnt out all those ranchers south of the Cimmaron and we were up on the Powder when it happened.  But I'll never tell them it was Slim's fault, even if there be a reward. Lips Sealed

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Always get the water for the coffee upstream from the herd.

Ab Ovo Usque ad Mala

The time has passed so quick, the years all run together now.
Delmonico
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« Reply #27 on: September 07, 2004, 01:34:37 pm »

Now what, there is a big bunch ridin' from the dierection of town, it can't be Slim yet, to many anyway.  I'll just grab the sarge's field glasses out of the chuckwagon and take a peek.

Oh, bother it is that deputy from town, and he seems to have most of that rabble from the livery stable with him, I spose he is lookin' for somebody, that bunch almost looks like a posse of sorts.  I hope the birds don't eat the bread crumbs they always leave ta find their way home.  The last time they formed a posse they got lost for a month, ended up in Iowa and had ta ship them and their horses back by train. 

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Mongrel Historian


Always get the water for the coffee upstream from the herd.

Ab Ovo Usque ad Mala

The time has passed so quick, the years all run together now.
Delmonico
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« Reply #28 on: September 07, 2004, 02:01:26 pm »

Delmonico sits in his rocking chair that he always carries it the chuckwagon and waits while the posse ties up their horses a 100 yards from camp, cause they know Delmonico don't take ta horses in in cookcamp and has a gun with two 10 gauge barrels side by side, a 50-90 barrel below and a 32-20 barrel in the rib.  ( Gift from a visiting German Baron who likes sourdough pumpernickle bread and sauerbraten)

The deputy and the rest of the posse come up to the camp, careful not to stir up dust.  The deputy says, we have a warrent fer Sergeant Smokepole, he busted up the Lawyer's office and run him out of town.

Delmonico says, "Well yer warrent ain't good here, that happened on another thread in the Longbranch fourm.  You know you're warrent is only good in the same thread in the same forum."

The last time this happened Marshall Halloway made it clear ta you on that point and even yer 2 bit lawyer tolt ya that.  Besides that this is the Marshall's round up camp and if you arrest one of his cowboys ya might get banned from the board.  Silver Creek Slim went ta get the Sarge and ya better not tell him what yer tryin' ta do, cause he's one of the moderators on this board.  As fer them papers go ahead and leave them, we is havin' Crepe Suzzetes tonight fer supper and Trinity might just need them.

However if ya want a job deputy we is hirin', Slim (who said I could say poop) will pay ya more ta scoop up the poop from our remuda than ya get paid in town ta scoop it out of the livery stable. 
Couse their ain't much else yer good fer, if we sent ya out ta roundup cattle we would have ta wire ya money fer a train ticket, and ya ain't worth it.
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Mongrel Historian


Always get the water for the coffee upstream from the herd.

Ab Ovo Usque ad Mala

The time has passed so quick, the years all run together now.
Silver Creek Slim
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« Reply #29 on: September 07, 2004, 02:40:04 pm »

'Bout 5 miles from camp, Slim sees a couple of wagons in the distance.

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« Reply #30 on: September 07, 2004, 02:44:18 pm »

With Slim out lookin' fer the other three and the posse follerin' the trail of bread crumbs back ta town, Delmonico decides ta take a nap under the wagon till somethin' else happens. Grin
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Mongrel Historian


Always get the water for the coffee upstream from the herd.

Ab Ovo Usque ad Mala

The time has passed so quick, the years all run together now.
Silver Creek Slim
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« Reply #31 on: September 07, 2004, 02:48:27 pm »

With Slim out lookin' fer the other three and the posse follerin' the trail of bread crumbs back ta town, Delmonico decides ta take a nap under the wagon till somethin' else happens. Grin
Hey! You stole my idea!  Grin I think I need an expreeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssssssssssoooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Slim
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« Reply #32 on: September 07, 2004, 03:05:31 pm »

About 2 miles before he gets ta the brothel on wheels, Slim notices another wagon, a small one withe covered sides and a window.  The sign on the side says,

Hanging Woman Creek Coffee Wagon
Lattes, Espresso and Fruit Smoothies

Slim rides up ta the window and orders a douple shot of essppprrressooo ta go.

This gives him the get up ta get up and do what needs ta be done.

Mean while back at the chuckwagon flies are starting ta bite Delmonico, made at the Deputy fer leaving fly bait behind with out cleaning it up, Delmonico goes ta the portable icebox he always carries in the chuckwagon anf get a cold Cream Soda ta sip on till there is some sign that Slim has been successful on bringing back the wayward crew.
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Mongrel Historian


Always get the water for the coffee upstream from the herd.

Ab Ovo Usque ad Mala

The time has passed so quick, the years all run together now.
Silver Creek Slim
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« Reply #33 on: September 07, 2004, 03:15:19 pm »

Slim gets to the wagons. He rousts Sarge and Drifter from the wagons. Since they are a bit tipsy, he has to tie them on their saddles so they don't fall off. He leads them back in the direction of the chuckwagon. Now, he has to figure out where Trinity went.
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NCOWS 2329, WartHog, SCORRS, SBSS, BHR, GAF, RBCS, Dirty RATS, BTBM, IPSAC, Cosie-in-training

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Sergeant Smokepole
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« Reply #34 on: September 07, 2004, 03:49:57 pm »

Slim asks the sarge, "How was the whorehouse?" Sarge responds "Stanky, Skanky, Thanky." He had a grin that only a half dozen tarts in the territory could have given him.  Slim queried "Stanky Sophie and Skanky Sadie?"

Sarge smiles and said Yep.......

"What's this bullcrap about some deputy havin' a warrant for me? I shoulda kilt that maggot. Seems like every time I'm fellin' a tad charitable, ir comes back to bite me in the ass."
"I guess I'm gonna have to go on a little huntin' party before the roundup" and rolled over the wagon side and disappeared into the sage.

Slim says "Damn him....."
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Silver Creek Slim
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« Reply #35 on: September 07, 2004, 03:54:15 pm »

"Oh well, I still have Drifter," says Slim. He continues toward the chuckwagon.


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Delmonico
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« Reply #36 on: September 07, 2004, 05:38:24 pm »

Delmonico finishes his soda and tosses the bottle in the pile under the tree.  "Must get Slim ta take these ta town and get our deposit back on them."

Wonder if Slim is havin' any luck with the crew. 
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Mongrel Historian


Always get the water for the coffee upstream from the herd.

Ab Ovo Usque ad Mala

The time has passed so quick, the years all run together now.
Trinity
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« Reply #37 on: September 07, 2004, 09:32:44 pm »

Back at the camp on the day after the night in the saloon, Trinity drinks his twentieth cup of coffee and, attempting to stand up, realizes that the combination of way too much booze the night before and too much coffee this morning has not had a good effect.  He could raise himself, but was dizzy and very shakey!  There was only one thing that could relieve this predicament...  Whiskey!!!

Trinity drags over to Delmonico at the the Chuckwagon and, to his great horror, discovers that there is no more booze  "Oh my god!" cries Trinity and grumbles off to his bed roll.  This has to be remedied.  He quickly pulls on the boots laying next to his bed and runs to his horse.  Then he runs back, removes Slims boots and searches for his.  After finding and donning his boots, he runs again to his horse (in a line not unlike that that a bee makes... not straight) and tears off to town.

After being gone for roughly twelve hours, Trinity begins to regret this rash move. He is hungry, he has no idea where he is, he is hungry, he doesn't know where town is and most importantly... He's Hungry!  Boy wouldn't some of Delmonico's chili be good right now?  Along with some of his sourdough bread to sop up the greasy remnants.  Oops, did he say greasy?  He didn't mean it... that is not very PC these days.  He meant Delectable. 

Just then a cook he had known from a previous job named Nightlinger was riding by when he recognized his old friend.  Noticing Trinity's extreme hunger, but not having time (something about working with a bunch of boys) he suggested he stop by a couple of wagons he had just left...

 When Trinity arrived... Grin Grin Grin Grin Trinity forgot his need for food entirely and a new hunger welled up within his body when he saw the beauties!

"Why hello there cowboy", the girls crooned.  "What might you be doing out here?"  Trinity very briefly explained his need for whiskey, directions and... well, you know what else.

The evening after next, Trinity rolled out of the wagon, looked over the girls to make sure he hadn't missed one and then settled up with the Madamme.  Now with all of his appetites sated (with the exception of one since it appears that one of their previous customers cleaned them out of their booze.  They wouldn't say who, being the fine women of principle that they are) and a set of directions, Trinity set out for the town to complete his original mission.

On his return trip, Trinity stops back by the girls wagons (just to make sure everything is going alright) and eventually makes it back to camp hooting and hollering.  As the buckboard rolls up the few pards at the camp jump up to see who is making such a racket and disturbing their gourmet meal. Trinity stands up, scratches and calls out "Sarge, there you are, we were all wondering where you disappeared to!"

The Sarge replies:  "Me? what are you talking abo... say..., what's in them cases?"  Trinity scratches, "Them?  Them's the cases of George Dickel which Ah went to get.  Ah got us a whole buckboard full.  We also got us two cases of Mezcal for them that be wantin' a hurtin"  Ah recon it ought to last us a few nights.  Mebbe more ifn the other fellers don' come back.  Ah also brung some espresssssooooo fer you, Delmonico.

Trinity scratches himself, grabs a crate and takes it to the table.
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"Finest partner I ever had.  Cleans his paws and buries his leavin's.  Lot more than some folks I know."

                   


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Sergeant Smokepole
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« Reply #38 on: September 07, 2004, 10:03:02 pm »

"Trinity, You're an OK kinda guy. Pass me a bottle o' Dickel and set down from the buck board."

 Trinity looks over and sees something swingin' from the nearby tree. He walks over to get a better look. There he swings, all trussed up, bound and gagged, was Lawyer Dagit. Trinity asks Sarge, "did you do this?" Sarge just looked at him and slid out this evil grin and said nothing. Trinity walks over and sees that tyhe way that Dagit was trussed up, that he was in no danger of actually hangin' but only had the looks of takin' the final swing. He looked at The Sarge and said" I saw that on Kennesaw Mountain in 63. There was a Yank all trussed up like this."

Sarge said "I don't know who did this and nobody can prove anything.".....

Sarge walked up and loosened the gag over Dagit's mouth. Dagit, in a panicked voice, said" please let me go. I'll drop all charges and leave the territory. You're a madman and shouldn't be left out in the public.

Sarge cut him loose and as he did so, leaned over to Dagit and whispered something in his ear. Dagit lost control of his bodily functions and soiled himself so bad that the dog walking by moved away... He walked awa, whinpering like a whipped puppy.

Sarge smiled and said, "Trinity, break open that Dickel."
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Delmonico
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« Reply #39 on: September 07, 2004, 11:08:16 pm »

Well you boys play nice with that lawyer fella, don't drink so much ya can't get up in the morning.  I sent Slim in ta town ta fetch the Doc, his big syringe and his calomel (mercuric chloride) ta cure you of what ya got from those ladies back at that wagon.  Ya must like Doc shootin' that calomel up yer man parts or ya sure would find cleaner ladies ta dally with.  I do hope the Doc ain't drunk like he was the last time he gave ya the cure, I know the turpintine was an honest mistake. (HE HE HAW) Grin

We ain't got much ta do tamarrow so we'll have breakfast bout 8.  The doc should be har bout 10 ta clean ya boys out. Shocked

Delmonico then heads ta a wall tent he had stashed in the chuckwagon, on the cot there is a feather tick and a couple of nice quilts and since it is a bit cool outside a pot bellied stove has a nice fire goin' in it.  As Delmonico drifts off ta sleep he is thinking that maybe Slim should have got a couple more teams of mules fer the chuckwagon cause it seems ta grow heavier by the hour. Roll Eyes
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Mongrel Historian


Always get the water for the coffee upstream from the herd.

Ab Ovo Usque ad Mala

The time has passed so quick, the years all run together now.
Silver Creek Slim
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« Reply #40 on: September 08, 2004, 08:58:13 am »

Bout nine AM, Slim rides into camp with Doc, who is schnockered of course, in tow. Slim yells, "Delmonico, wake up! Breakfast is supposed to be at 8 bells!" "If I didn't have to babysit you guys, we might be able to roundup some beeves."
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NCOWS 2329, WartHog, SCORRS, SBSS, BHR, GAF, RBCS, Dirty RATS, BTBM, IPSAC, Cosie-in-training

I love the smell of Black Powder in the morning!
Delmonico
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« Reply #41 on: September 08, 2004, 09:55:40 am »

Slim walks over ta the wall tent and finds Delmonico gagged and tied up, removing the gag he finds out the crew didn't want breakfast at 8 am, but instead of telling the cook in a nice manner in their drunken stupor they tie him up instead.

But our cosie is not offended, he has a sense of humor and when no one is lookin' he adds Tabasco Sauce to the Doc's calomel solution that he is about to inject you know where in the infected members of the crew.

Don't get excited Slim, the rest of the ranches are not going ta have their crews here for two days.  There is some bread and cheese ya can have fer breakfast, I'm going ta town ta see if I can find some more men ta help.  You keep an eye on these three and keep them in camp while I'm gone, but the pepper sauce treatment will most likley keep them down soaking themselves in the creek the rest of the day. 

Don't worry about them drinkin' to much either, I just put Syrup of Ipeeekack in all there bottles, 2 sips of that and they will be recthing their guts out.  I also put the bottles down by the creek, that way you won't have ta watch the mess. and the water will was it away.  "Remember though always drink upsteam from the drunks."

As Delmonico saddles one of the mules he laughs to himself, "Them guys in Monty Walsh ain't seen nothin' like what gonna happen ta these guys, aggrivate the cook, not to bright."
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Mongrel Historian


Always get the water for the coffee upstream from the herd.

Ab Ovo Usque ad Mala

The time has passed so quick, the years all run together now.
Silver Creek Slim
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« Reply #42 on: September 08, 2004, 10:11:02 am »

Slim says, "That sounds good to me, Delmonico. But, watch out for banditos. I heard from the US Marshal that he was tracking some down in this area." Delmonico rides toward town. Slim starts the fire and puts on a new pot of coffee. He gets some bread and cheese for breakfast. The Doc gives the boys their treatment. In about 10 seconds, the boys come a running out of the tent and jump in the creek. Slim yells to them through tears of laughter, "Serves ya right for socializing with the 'ladies'."
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NCOWS 2329, WartHog, SCORRS, SBSS, BHR, GAF, RBCS, Dirty RATS, BTBM, IPSAC, Cosie-in-training

I love the smell of Black Powder in the morning!
Delmonico
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« Reply #43 on: September 08, 2004, 11:16:45 am »

As Delmonico rides toward town he sees a pony with a rider coming taward him, a little brown pony, bout the color of chawing tabbacer.  The pony had an old Texas kack style saddle on it and in the saddle was a young feller, with a cotton sack a clothes.  He had one brooguns and 1 OK spur, he said< My wicked stepmother drove me from home, can I get a job, though I don't know much about cows."

Delmonico says "sure, just head down the trail ta where ya hear all that yellin', talk ta Slim, we need a horse wrangler and he'll take a liken ta ya cause he has 15 kids of his own."

As the kid heads ta the camp, Delmonico heads inta town armed with 2 LeMatts in case of trouble.
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Mongrel Historian


Always get the water for the coffee upstream from the herd.

Ab Ovo Usque ad Mala

The time has passed so quick, the years all run together now.
Silver Creek Slim
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« Reply #44 on: September 08, 2004, 11:58:37 am »

Slim looks down the trail toward town as he takes a bite of cheese. He sees a small horse and rider coming up the trail. He puts the 10 bore mule ear across his lap and continues to eat his breakfast.

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NCOWS 2329, WartHog, SCORRS, SBSS, BHR, GAF, RBCS, Dirty RATS, BTBM, IPSAC, Cosie-in-training

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Delmonico
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« Reply #45 on: September 08, 2004, 01:02:10 pm »

As Delmonico heads on into town he sees another young feller comin' up the road, this time on a paint pony.  As he stops ta howdy with the feller the young man tells him, "I had a fight with my pa and two brothers, do ya need another hand?

Delmonico says, "sorry Cartwright, we already have one Little Joe in this story, it would make it confusing ta have another." Roll Eyes  "I did here there is another story lookin' fer a Teanage Wolfman, ya might ask around about it." Tongue

As Little Joe the Cartwright heads on down the trail, Delmonico heads again in the direction of town.
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Mongrel Historian


Always get the water for the coffee upstream from the herd.

Ab Ovo Usque ad Mala

The time has passed so quick, the years all run together now.
Delmonico
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« Reply #46 on: September 08, 2004, 02:50:14 pm »

As Delmonico arrives in town he passes the General Store, this reminds him that he needs some Tabasco Sauce since all he has was "accidently' used by the Doc ta cure the Social Disease of the men at camp.   He does wonder where he will find some more hands, at least a couple more will help although he knows that when it comes ta the roundup the drunken hands who like ta chase whores will really buckle down and do their jobs, if they survive to the start of the roundup. Grin

An ad in the paper would be a good idea but since it comes out on Tuesday and it is already Wedsday it will be almost a week before anyone reads the ad.  Then an idea comes to mind, "It worked fer John Wayne, it will work for us," and Delmonico heads ta the schoolhouse.
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Mongrel Historian


Always get the water for the coffee upstream from the herd.

Ab Ovo Usque ad Mala

The time has passed so quick, the years all run together now.
Silver Creek Slim
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« Reply #47 on: September 08, 2004, 03:03:59 pm »

Now wait a cotton-pick'n minute!  Angry What do you mean by "It worked fer John Wayne, it will work for us,"? John Wayne's character, Wil Anderson, died in the movie. He was the ramrod. Since I am the wagonmaster/ramrod, I might end up just like Wil Anderson.  Sad

Slim
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Delmonico
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« Reply #48 on: September 08, 2004, 05:23:52 pm »

(Never fear Slim, I got it figured ahead!) 

As Delmonico heads ta the schoolhouse he remembers that John Wayne had ta wait till school was out, and since this is a fall roundup, waiting till sping won't work.

Then lurking around down by the river near town is a group of ragged lookin' men, the leader with really long stringy hair and funny eyes.  Takin' a closer look it turns out ta be Bruce Dern and his crew from the same movie.

"Howdy," they say, "Ya lookin fer some good hands, we're lookin' fer a job and we promise not ta shoot yer boss in the back, we got kilt the last time we did that, but we've reformed since then."

Delmonico says, "Sounds good ta me, I belive in givin'a man a chance, if ya got ta kill any one don't kill Slim, he has 15 kids.  If ya got ta kill someone I would rather ya killed the Sarge, the Drifter or Trinity.  They have a bad disease any way and won't live long."

(There Slim you are covered.)
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Mongrel Historian


Always get the water for the coffee upstream from the herd.

Ab Ovo Usque ad Mala

The time has passed so quick, the years all run together now.
Trinity
AKA the Chicory Kid
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Here's to Miss AnnieLee!


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« Reply #49 on: September 08, 2004, 07:55:50 pm »

Now just wait a cotton-pickin' minute!
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"Finest partner I ever had.  Cleans his paws and buries his leavin's.  Lot more than some folks I know."

                   


"I fumbled through my closet for my clothes, And found my cleanest dirty shirt" - K.Kristofferson
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