Nuther Story!

[Delmonico]

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The sun had been up for over 3 hours when the debris from the floor of the saloon rode up to the chuckwagon.  Delmonico was sitting around a bunch of dutch ovens covered with coals, his handy 2 gallon coffee pot sitting near the fire, full of course of that magic elxier of life that all cosie's live on.   

"Morning fellows, glad ya showed up, ya don't look so well."  "But I knew ya wern't going to be feeling well when I left the saloon last night."   

"But I like ya fella's so to make ya feel better I've been cooking all night and guess what I shot on the way back to camp."

"Brunch will be ready in about an hour, have a cup of coffee while you wait."

[Trinity]

Trinity, not much pleased to be likened to "debris",  says: "Boy, Delmoniker... what in tarnation happened last night?  Ah thought we was havin' a drink with the Sarge and next thing Ah know Ahm wakin up with sawdust and dirt in mah mouth.      We had some good pards in the saloon with us, that shore was fun ! 

Sayyyy... whuts in them ovens? ? ? ?"

Trinity eagerly yet gingerly takes a mug of hot, steaming, black coffee and stumbles over to a log by the fire to take a seat.  His motion is not graceful by any means, but not one drop of coffee is spilled!

[Foothills Drifter]

Foothills Drifter rides into camp and falls off of his horse. My horse had toooooo much to drink and can't walk a straight line....he is imposibale ta ride  He crawls over to the fire and grabs a cup and fills the cup to the brim and then some and chugs down a full cup of 400 degree coffee        Her stands up (and in a John Wayne fashion) says we're burinin daylight....lets ride! and then falls face down in the dirt...........
Good shootin......

Vern......

[Delmonico]

We gots blackeyed peas and hog jowls in one oven, sourdough bread in another one.  Found some goosebrries and made a gooseberry pie.  Used some dried apples and made another pie.  Got a dump cake in another.  Shot a turkey, got it cookin' and going ta make some dumplings with it. 

By the way did ya think ta get another barrel of flour.  Some fat guy came by, said his name was something Atkins, whinned something about carbooohdrites, think he was talking bout fool's gold.  Well any way he grabbed his chest and fell down, Doc came and hauled him into town!

Will ya wake up Footy there and would the two of ya run back ta town and see what happened ta the Seargent.

[El Peludo]

Say, Delmonico, ya' mentioned "Dump Cake"; do ya' got's a recipee fer it?.  We lost the one my Mom gave my Bride, and just flat can't remember any of it, 'cept it had flour, and Mom's had 'nanners in it.  Real easy, though; just dump everything in a pan, mix it up, and bake it; m-m good.  Thanks, in advance.

[Foothills Drifter]

Foothills Drifter sloooowly gets up at smellin and hearin the talk of food. Hay...that smells real darn good! Fix me a little and then I'll ride off and see if I can't find the good Sarge. Sure hope my horse still aint too drunk ta ride  Ya better gimme a bisquit fer him too......

Good shootin......
Vern...

[Delmonico]

To EP, no recipe, if'n it's got a recipe it ain't no dump cake, a dump cake is made by dumpin' what ya got together and makin' a cake.  Ain't got no coffee cake recipes in my mind that use bannanas either.  Will do some checkin' though.  Might just PM Ruff, he most likey do.

[Delmonico]

Here is one of yesterdays biscuits fer that horse, keep him out a da saloon when ya go fer the Sarge.  I'm worried about him, we ain't heard from him at all on this page.

[Trinity]

Trinity pauses from drinking his nineth mug of coffee and looks up, crosseyed: "The Sarge?  Dint someone take him down to the river last night for a cleanin or was he one of the pards I stepped over this morning when I left the saloon? ? ?  I don' 'member no more.

How bout one of them bis-kits for me and some cake?  Which one? Why some of all, please.  Jes pile up what you can on a plate, remember which-uns ya gave me and when you get the plate back, pile on the other cakes.   Mah belly feels like it's inside out.  "

[Foothills Drifter]

The Drifter mounts up and heads out towards town. As he is ridin he thinks this is goin ta be an interestin ride.......A coupla miles out my horse abruptly stops, bucks and as I hit the ground he steps over me and shows his disgust for me (it aint that bad, he only farts) As I get up I see a covered wagon about a 1/4 mile off to the right. I slowly ride towards the wagon keepin a watchful eye in all directions. It sounds like there is a good time happinin in that wagon.........

Good shootin......
Vern...

[Sergeant Smokepole]

Old Sergeant Smokepole rides into camp, blurry eyed as all get out. He screams " Whoo's cooking greased owl crap?" and proceeds to barf on his horse's neck. The horse, none too happy, bucks, throws him off and drops a few meadow muffins his way. Old Sarge laughs and says "Touche" and proceeds to clean up the horse, all the while grousing that the cooking smell is worse than the pike smell..............

"It's too early in the mornin' for food. Where's the whiskey?"

[Delmonico]

Delmonico say, "Them heathens drank all that ya guys left in camp before the went ta town yester day.  I got that bottle of brandy I use for flamin' desserts in the top drawer of the chuckwagon.

"Ya can cut the yellin out, them other two heathens went ta town lookin' fer ya, have a shot of brandy and light, sendin' those two lookin' fer someone that was lost?  Naw latter when they don't find ya and come back, ya can look fer them if ya want.  Bet they get lost on the way ta town."

" Grub a'll be ready soon, good like always, boy were sure got them fooled, they really think we hate each other."

"Later I'll tell ya the plan I got for them when they get back, this is even better than the last one, thanks fer getting me the Castor Oil, they really thought it was a fancy salad dressing when I mixed it with the vinegar, what kind of weed was that we put it on fer them, bet they will never get the stains out of their drawers."

[Sergeant Smokepole]

Brandy??? That's a Girly-Man's drink. Aint whiskey, not even close. Hell, Might as well get some grub if'n ya aint got no real whiskey..... Where's the tins?

[Foothills Drifter]

......As I get ta the wagon, 5 young ladies (of the evening?) step out in verious stages of undress! Howdy cowboy, can we be of service to ya? Yes. I says, but I aint got no money. I'm lookin fer Sargeant Smokepole. Ya got him in the back of yer wagon? No fraid not. A half drunk cowboy did ride by a short time ago....he didn't even notice us at all! Went off in that direction, looked like he was lost. Thats kina the direct I came from, well.....I guess I coulda missed him.The Drifter rides on...........(wishin he had some money!)

Good shootin......
Vern...

[Foothills Drifter]

well.....I been ridin fer a coulpe a few hours now. Aint seen hide ner hair of the Sarge or anyone / thing at all! Not even a track. It feels like 110 degrees out here taday....I just gave the last of the water ta my horse and I'm walkin now cus hes plum wore out from all that drinkin he done last night (I aint much better off!) Us 'Drifters' don't never get lost...HOWEVER...I sure hope someone comes by soon. Thing sure aint lookin good............

Good shootin......
Vern...

[Delmonico]

The eatin' irons be under the wagon, have some grub, them other two may be back with some whiskey by the time ya be done, if the Drifter don't get lost again.  Member the last time he got lost we didn't see him fer 3 weeks, ended up Ogylolla Newbrasskey. 

If they ain't back when ya get done, ride about 4 miles back tawerds town, there was some soiled doves in a wagon there, they may have some whiskey.  They wanted me ta stop when I was coming from town, told them I had the experience, had the dollar, but didn't have the time.  They said some Black cook tolt them that a few weeks ago up near Belle Foooch.

If ya go feer whiskey, just get whiskey and nothin' else.  That be the bunch the guys from the -88 ranch got that horrible disease from, remember what happened ta Hacker Bill, he's got more ta worry about than the consooomtion now, good thing he uses a McClellan saddle.

[Foothills Drifter]

......The Drifter has been restin under his horse (in the shade?!) He looks up and sees a bunch of buzzards circlin above. 'Must be somthin dead around here...wait, I'm the only thing around here! I guess we better get ta movin on'. Drifter walks his horse a nother mile or so and sees a couple a wagons. On looks like the one them 'soiled doves' was in, the other has a sign that says J. Daniel's ~ Whiskey. I don't see no one around.....wonder whats goin on. Guess I better have a look-see......

Good shootin......
Vern...

[Sergeant Smokepole]

Soiled Doves with cooties? Whoda thunk it?  Ah hell. Gotta die from somethin'. Rather it be bad cooze than a bullet...........

[Delmonico]

Well here I sit, the drifter is lost, Trinity is lost, the Sergeant is going ta the portable brothel ta get whiskey and the clap.  One good thing though, I think tommorow Silver Creek Slim al' show up.  I think he has a good sense of direction and will stay sober and not be catchin' no diseases.

Besides that he is goin' ta be bringin' some Wiiisscooosin cheese ta old cookie,  must get some sourdough whole wheat bread made SSS will be wantin' a toasted cheese sandvich, before he goes out ta find Trinity and the Drifter, damn last time the Drifter got lost he was gone for 5 days, he has just been a shadow of himself ever since.

[Silver Creek Slim]

Slim rides up to the fire leading a pack horse. "Morning, Delmonico. How's the coffee? Hope it is strong. I been riding for two days straight." "By the way, I got your barrel of flour and some cheese from the Sauk area."

Slim

[Delmonico]

Good these other three are runnin' round like chickens with their heads cut off,.  Trinty and the Drifter got lost and the Sarge is headed down ta that brothel on wheels fer whiskey and floosies.  Every time we need him he is off chasing floosie.  Well the round up begains the day after tommorow, will just have some one rope the Sarge and take care of the chasing flooses, guess we can brand him at the same time.

[Silver Creek Slim]

After I get some grub, I will go round up Sarge so we can brand...

[Delmonico]

I'll get the fire built up and a knife sharpened.   Ya supose them other two'll show up or is you gonna have ta look fer them.  When ya find the Sarge we better not make him inta a steer yet or brand him.  Ya'll need him ta find the other two and ta help on the brandin', we can do the other when we have more help and when everything else is done cause he's gonna be sore and wuthless fer a few days.     But I think it needs ta be done, ya know how much better yer dog is now that we did that, ain't out chasin' every dog in heat like the Sarge is now.

[Silver Creek Slim]

I guess you are right.  Give me some grub and I will be off to find Sarge and the boys.

Slim

[Delmonico]

Here, just fill up one of these plates, yer gonna have ta scroll back a ways ta find out what I cooked, I've been so upset about not hav'n enough help ta get the roundup done that I fergot.  It's too bad Marshall Halloway is so busy with the board he can't ramrod this roundup, he would keep those other three in line.  Besides that he had some sort of accident with one of those new-fangled electrical devices, last time I seen him he was walkin' kinda funny.

Oh by the way he waddled by when we were in town, said you were the wagon boss here, raised yer wages ta $40 and found and with them other three yer gonna earn it,

If any cowpunchers wander by, da we needs ta hire them, I know most in the area.

Sourdough whole wheat toasted cheese sandwiches fer supper, yer favorite.