Nuther Story!

[Delmonico]

Durn, now we got another Reb ta deal with, might as well get some more damned Yankees.

Glad yer here Gopher Grease, Slim will be back with my anchovies, I gots a meat grinder and a fresh hog ham in the chuckwagon, you gets one of these no good cowhands ta turn the handle fer ya and grind out some hog meat and make some eytallian sausage fer you and me and Slims peeza.  I gots ta burn some steaks fer these other heathens, spices are in de spice cabinet it the chuckwagon.

Sarge ya got ta burry Bruce, durn ya I always liked his charecter, the best bad guy ever.

(Did any one notice the chuckwagon is starting ta sag?  Must talk ta Slim about it!)

[gophergrease]

Bring them yanks, I need to clean my pistol any way

[Delmonico]

You Johnny Rebs and Billy Yanks behave and don't be shootin' each other, the noise bothers me, besides that we're shorthanded as is thanks ta the Sarge. 

Now don't be botherin' me I got ta thunk about this chuckwagon thing abit, if'n I keep adding gear it's gonna collapes.
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(Still thinkin')
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I got it,  Death Valley Days, we will just add a new chuckwagon to our story, instead of three wagons with borax and a water tank, we will have three chuckwagons and a tank of cheap booze fer the crew.  Twenty Mule Teams ta pull it, (thats 40 mules Slim) and a future president ta narrate the whole thing.
 

[Sergeant Smokepole]

Sarge sees what happens to Delmonico's horse and bust a gut laughin;. "Hey Delmonico, you frogs like horse meat. You gonna grind that up like that hog meat and try to pass it off as beef hash?

[Brazos Bucky Smith]

20 mule team!   I can hear the trumpet playing the theme now! heh heh heh  Never thunk it would be fer a food wagon, but thats better than trying to chew soap!

Brazos puts his mouth under the spicket and takes a few swallows, well maybe a few gulps!  Hey Delmonico I diidn't know Whiskey had suds?!  Whew, think I better go visit the Chic Sale!

Brazos runs off grabbin the Sears Catolog!

BB

[Delmonico]

Sorry Brazos, the last owners musta got borax in the water tank.  Now that we got more room in the chuckwagon(s) I'll get some of that new-fangled crapping paper on a roll next time someone's in town.

The der rebel Sarge done needs a history lesson, the original Delmonico was of Swiss desent, not French.  I might put mater's on yer steak or serve ya cheese with holes in it but I wouln never serve snail wit gravy on them.

(Delmonico mutters something bout how the south lost, cause they must not of had no good Sergeants as he heads back ta the wagon.) 

Besides that wer burnin' daylight, where be that wagon boss, I've been up since daylight, made omelets fer the whole crew.  Gopher Grease go see if ya can find Slim, just be careful that brothel wagon al' give ya the glip.  Ask Sarge, Trinity and The Drifter,  the Drifter's been standin' in the creek fer 2 days, well at least he's been quiet and ain't caused no trouble.

[Silver Creek Slim]

Slim drives into camp with 3 span of mules and a wagon loaded with anchovies, new-fangled crapping paper, Eytallian sausage, pepperoni, some of the Eyetallian have that begains with a P but Delmonico can't pronouce or spell, Borax, cheese, mutton for Sarge  , white and yellow corn meal, pork and beans, apples, pomagranites, etc. "Delmonico, here is another wagon with bunch of supplies for ya." "Now, can will get out of camp and round up some beeves? My branding iron is getting rusty." 

[Silver Creek Slim]

"Drifter, get outta that creek and put some pants on. Two days is long enough soaking." 

[Delmonico]

Delmonico says, "The reason yer brandin' iron rusted is cause Trinity peed on it."  When Gopher Grease gets back he can pronounce and spell the ham, he used ta work in a Seecilliiaan resteraunt.

Since Gopher Grease is out lookin fer you I'll make Looonch, since this whole crew is being childish, I'll make spagettiii-OOO's and tator tots. 

Besides that it'll give that rebel Sarge somethin' else ta whine about.

[Brazos Bucky Smith]

  He ain't a soakin' he be a healin'  You know those chickin' heads live longer in water and one attached itself to his (never you mind)!

Brazos come a walkin back a little slow from the chic sale and tries mounting his horse for a days work gatherin' the beevies fer Slim to brand.  Its goina be a long, long day thinks Brazos.  Yes indeedy, a long day.  Brazos says "Delmonico, you have some good grub fer tonights meal, 'cause I'm goina be powerful hungrey come sundown."

[Silver Creek Slim]

"Why in tarnation would Trinity pee on my branding iron?"  "Trinity, come here! I'll teach ya fer peeing on my branding iron!"

[Delmonico]

That's why I fixed them what I did fer lunch, they all are behavin' like children.  Course I ain't gonna eat this junk fer lunch.  I'm gonna go upstairs to my real kitchen and have canned corned beef and cheddar cheese on sourdough rye bread fer lunch.

After that I'll come back and help ya deal with this bunch after looonch.  Bout time fer yers too Slim, what is being served in Wisyconsssooon today?

[Silver Creek Slim]

I'z is having Colby cheese (originally made in Colby, WI) and summer sausage between slices of home ground whole wheat bread. 

Slim

[Delmonico]

Delmonico comes back from upstairs and lunch and says, "I'm back seen that show on the History Channel several times, but it was a fine lunch." 

Slim I'll help ya here, I'll teach Trinty ta pee on yer brandin' irun.   

Laying the brandin' irun on the ground, Delmonico unbuttons his fly and says, "Ya only got the brandin' end, here get it clear up on the handle.  All that whiskey ya been drinkin' has dehydrated ya, drink more water and coffee.  Besides that the acid in the coffee rusts the metal better."

[Silver Creek Slim]

  "It's hard to find good help nowadays."  "I am gonna go round up some beeves." Slim jumps on his horse and rides toward the horizon. He yells over his shoulder, "Del, make sure ya got a good bed a of hot coals by the time I get back 'cuz I'ma gonna brand somethings. And it might be more than beeves."

[Delmonico]

Laughing Delmonico says, thats what the Marshall tolt me, any fool wagon boss would build a fire near the cattle that needed brandin'. 

Besides that the "Rules of the Range" say the cook can shoot anyone who puts a brandin iron in the cook fire.  See it hear on page 46.  Section 5  Paragraph 4 "The cook can kill anyone spittin' or puttin' a brandin' iron in the cook fire."   Paragraph 5 says "Anyone peeing in the cook fire should be shot, hung, burned and drawn and quartered."

[Silver Creek Slim]

"Why didn't anyone show me this 'Rules of the Range' book? I guess it wouldn'ta helped since I can't read nohow."  Slim rides off to brand the calves, not his calves. 

[Delmonico]

Delmonico laughs, cause if Slim gets caught with that runnin' irun he'll get caught and his 15 kids will be with out a dad, wait that ain't funny!  Why did I make such a comment in a funny story.

Don't make no differench I'll just change Slim's brand ta mine with a lid lifter, been doin' it ta Slim fer years.

[Silver Creek Slim]

"I heard that. I ain't got no runnin' irun! And, to set things straight, I only gots 4 kids, that I know of." 

[Delmonico]

Ok no runnin' irun but in the story ya gots 15 kids.

[Silver Creek Slim]

"Okay." 

[Delmonico]

As Slim rides off ta roundup beeves, Delmonico starts ta think about supper.

He also thinks,"Well thats bout the last we'll hear from Slim fer a couple a three days."

[Silver Creek Slim]

I'z still here 'til 5pm, but our emule server gave up the ghost. 

[Delmonico]

Well thats most likely the last we'll hear from Slim.  I think I'll just fry some steaks fer supper, make some biscuits and some gravy.  That'l keep the crew from whinin' I hope, specially after what they had fer lunch.

If they don't whine I'll make em some more real cowboy food, I'll make a couple of vinegar pies.  Bet most those heatens ain't never heard of them, have ta go ta teachin' more history. 

[Sergeant Smokepole]

Sarge yells out "Which one o you sheepherders has the audacity to put mutton in front of me on my plate?" Sarge turns around and shoots another beef. "That oughta hold us a while." Sarge pulls out his Reb cavalry saber and lops off the head of a mangy coyote that was headin' for his beef. "Danged coyote, probably a yankee. I wouldn't have been upset if'n he woulda gone for the mutton but even a starvin' dog won't eat that stuff. The only thing sheep are good for is wool and something for yankees to have sex with. Hey Delmonico, I heard what you said about The South Surrenderin'. taint so, preparer of foo foo meals. I still got my saber, how about you??? OH, that's right, a sword is a man's weapon, an elegant weapon, of a time long gone. Go back to your chuck wagon and cook that beef before somebody realizes what a lousy cook you are and turns that brandin' iron on you, you Swiss cheese proclaimin' cheese eating Frog."